大象传媒

ELSWICK HOPPER鈥橲 CYCLE WORKS.

Part 1

I left school at fourteen thinking I was God鈥檚 gift to the world.
Having chafed at the bit during the last year at school, I thought I might give it a rest and the day of leaving could not come quick enough for me.
Wel I cud spel an鈥� cownt an鈥� ad up, wel wun an鈥� wun is too or is it 鈥榰m鈥�. eleven?
However since time seemed to have a way of its own, sometimes it decided to whip by, usually when one is enjoying one鈥檚 self, or as in this case drag when something exciting is about to happen.
But sometimes when that something turns up then one is disappointed and time goes back to dragging.
The clock on the wall ticked on with a monotonous hypnotic regularity that almost coaxed one to sleep.
If it were a warm day one would sometimes hear a bumping noise as a head would droop and hit a desktop.
One such time when I was drifting off into the arms of Morphias I heard in the distance the ever droning voice of the Headmaster change to a harsh growl 鈥淲hen Master Barker is fully recovered from his nap we will continue our perusal of the continent of South Africa, WAKE UP BOY!鈥�
I was extremely chuffed my last name was not Bates.
However the final day arrived and I got through that morning without mishap.
I had been moved up to the Headmasters class and it was playtime when a lad I had never seen before came sashaying across the playground, his eyes were fixed on me and a look on his face that conveyed he was on to something exciting.
I thought he was crossing the playground to inform me he had found the hidden loot of Blackbeard the Pirate and was about to share the info with me.
So I was quiet surprised when without so much as a, 鈥淧ardon me pal, or by your leave鈥� he punched me on the arm and it came a bit sharp.
I was at home and out in the garden after tea.
Mum wanted to put a few flowers in and was busy so I took of my jacket with a view to assisting her.
Suddenly she asked, 鈥淲here on earth did you get two bruises on your arm like that?鈥�
When I explained to her that there was this lad at school who took a delight in making everyone鈥檚 life a misery, Mum called Dad, 鈥淟ook at this lads arm!鈥� she warbled angrily.
Dad perused the arm and growled, 鈥淚t鈥檚 skinny cos 鈥榚 nivver does ony ruddy werk wi鈥� it!鈥�
Mum glared at my Dad and was very annoyed and pointed to the bruising.
On closer inspection of the two bruises Dad remonstrated with me, 鈥淵u let 鈥榠m 鈥榠t yer, then yu let 鈥榠m do it aggin鈥�, well m鈥� lad, ah鈥檒 luk at it termorrer an鈥� if鈥檔 thez three bruises theer termorrer, al add another two wi鈥� me belt across yer backside.鈥�
The following day at playtime I was fully awake and hoped the dummy would go for three and I was not disappointed.
No matter what the cost I was not about to allow him to do it a third time.
Besides that, at school if the Teacher used his cane on me for fighting, the thick seat of my pants would take most of the sting out.
It was the next play time period when out of the corner of my eye I spotted Dopey Desmond talking to one boy then suddenly he was with another boy closer to me, he he was being crafty and moving when I was not aware.
I just stood there as he came up behind me and I watched the ground since the sun was behind me and his shadow began to match mine then I could hear him breathing and one arm of the shadow drew back.
I turned as Desmond with an evil grin on his face he drew back his fist and walked straight into a right hook from me.
I got in first and gave him a broken nose.
He also got a colour pattern on the front of his shirt in the shape of a red butterfly, free gratis Tom Barker, and it felt good.
It matched the front of his shoes, which hitherto had been black.
I think shock was his first re-action because he stood there and could not believe his nose was smashed and blood was running down the front of his shirt.
Then he grabbed out a hanky from his trouser pocket and held it up to his nose, while mumbling into his hanky.
For the next half hour he sat with his head back while one of the Teachers patted the back of his neck with a cold wet handkerchief and kept glaring at me.
Desmond learned a lesson that day that was not on the school curriculum, 鈥淣ever send the enemy a telegram of ones intentions.
I had also learned that two can play the surprise game but the first one in gets the prize and the other pays the price.
Later one of the Teachers suggested we shake hands and be friends, so with one hand holding the wet hanky to his nose he nervously stuck his other hand out and I took hold of it and it was like holding a bit of limp, cold wet dead fish, perhaps he is still in deep shock, thought I.
At school the atmosphere was a lot more pleasant because wherever I moved in the playground the ex arm thumper was always on the opposite side, I noticed he had ceased in his endeavour to become the bruiser of the year.
If D.D. and I did chance to meet he would simper, 鈥淗ello Tom鈥� and I noticed he was now wearing running shoes. I later became aware the Headmaster knew all about it, and I did hear that he echoed my thoughts on the matter.
The kid was a bully and it had to happen one day. Only another boy could solve the problem.
The next day was Saturday and I was helping Mum to clean the shop windows when a man on a bicycle stopped in front of our house and getting off his machine he propped it up against the pavement then came over and addressed my Mum.
鈥淢rs Barker?鈥� he queried.
鈥淵es! may I help you?鈥� replied my Mum, dropping the wash leather she had been using into the bucket nearby.
鈥淚 have come to warn you and your boy that the next time he harms my son I shall do the same to him so let this be a warning鈥�
Suddenly the front door of the shop opened and my Father strolled out and he grabbed me and pulled up my shirtsleeve and pointed to the bruising on my arm.
鈥淕et yer facts straight afore yu start layin鈥� doon yer laws at my 鈥榦use, that bloody kid o鈥� yourn 鈥榚s bin makin鈥� ivvery bugger鈥檚 life a misery at yon school an鈥� it stops 鈥榚re an鈥� now cos if there鈥檚 any more 鈥榠ttin鈥� tu be done ah鈥檒l bloody do it, an 鈥� yu鈥檒l be the fust bugger ah鈥檒 鈥榠t, now bugger off wile thee is still in wun piece an鈥� don鈥檛 come back, an鈥� if yo ivver go near my lad tha鈥檒l be learnin brail an鈥� 鈥榦w ti chuffin鈥� walk aggin wi crutches when thee gets oot o鈥檛 鈥榦spital.
Dad let go of my arm and took a step towards the visitor who spun on one heel and grabbed his bicycle and doing a run alongside it suddenly leapt on to it and was pedalling like a swarm of bees was after him then was gone in a cloud of dust across the Market Place.
Some years later year the Head Master Mr A***y wandered to my desk and reminded me to make sure I had everything out of the desk and to leave it clean before I left.
His parting shot as he turned to leave with a twinkle in his eye was 鈥淒on鈥檛 forget to come and see us when you become Prime Minister鈥�.
He came back about ten minutes later and said, 鈥淵ou can go at three o鈥� clock if you wish, no point in dragging it out till the last minute鈥�.
Then from force of habit I was about to duck as his hand came up, but he held out his hand, and he smiled and said, 鈥淕ood luck anyway Tommy鈥�
Then he was gone, and suddenly it was like I had lost a good friend, I also had remembered what my mother had told me to do, 鈥� Now Thomas, before you leave you thank the Headmaster, it is only good manners鈥� she had warbled.
So it was that at three o鈥� clock I got up from my desk and approached the Headmasters desk.
And trying to remember Mum鈥檚 prompting I spouted, 鈥淪ir, I would like to thank you for your patience and time and I will not let the School down.鈥�
Mr A***y beamed and walked me to the door.
I have often wondered if he beamed because I had flattered him or he was just glad to be rid of me.
The door closed and to me it was a bit final, I no longer had any business in that schoolroom.
When I got home Dad said, 鈥淚f ah wus that big mester ah would 鈥榓ve a good stock o鈥� big canes tu wup yu backside wi鈥欌��
Mum said tartly, 鈥淭hen it鈥檚 just as well you鈥檙e not鈥�.
I realized I was about to enter a new phase in my life where I would have to work to keep me.
Listening to my Dad convinced me no one else could milk a cow, mend a fence, or drink a pint of beer like he could.
And one day I observed Dad in the farmer鈥檚 field, spreading manure and gasping at the rich aroma.
I mistook the meaning and thought Dad must have swallowed some, because I heard one of the other workers say, 鈥淲ho Barker? tek no notice, he鈥檚 full o鈥� s鈥攖.鈥�
I also began to worry about not finding a job and I began to image what kind of a bruise would adorn my backside after my Dad booted me out of the house.
I had visions of a big tattoo on one bum cheek that resembled a long double horseshoe of nails with three rows in the middle.
On reflection I am pleased my Dad wore heavy blunt toed farm boots and not winkle pickers.
Winkle pickers have a very long thin toe.
If some one decides to give you a swift kick up the bum with a winkle picker, six lace holes of said boot could disappear into the orifice and the toe could dislodge any wisdom teeth that might be forming at the back of ones gums.
But it was not guaranteed, so my Father rejected the idea of making money in his spare time as a dentist.
鈥淵u can cum back when yuv鈥� gor a job.鈥� he would mutter, and stop chewing on his tobacco wad long enough to drown an earwig, SPLAT! that had been scuttling to safety and was now expiring upside down and with all legs going flat out like the needles of a granny in a knitting marathon.
Then he would continue muttering as he made for the back door of the house.
I need not have worried though, because my Mother was level headed and she was always three, no better make those five steps, ahead of me all the time.
Good businesswoman my Mum, 鈥淕et off to bottom Hoppers and see if they want anybody鈥�. She ordered.
Dad came in 鈥淵o gor a job yit鈥�? he growled
鈥淒ad, I on鈥檡 just gor in from school鈥� I snivelled, 鈥� I should be there yet till four o鈥� clock but Teacher said I could leave early.鈥�
Dad said 鈥淲ell seein鈥� as 鈥榦w yu鈥� 鈥榓s left school na鈥� yu can 鈥榚lp me, yu kin start by choppin鈥� that wood up wot鈥檚 in鈥檛 back yard, an鈥� stack it in鈥檛 wesh鈥檕ose, an鈥� wen yu hev done thar ah鈥檒l find thee summat else tu be goin鈥� on wi鈥�.
I thought to myself 鈥淢y Dad is not as half asleep as he looks either鈥�.
I was used to coming home and reading my favourite comics until tea time, but now it looked like a whole new ball game.
I was going to have to keep my wits about me if I was out think my Dad.
Saturday and Sunday were like they had always been, but Monday morning was different in that my mother got me up earlier than usual and sort of casually steered the conversation toward working for a living and making good use of what one had learned at school.
So while eating breakfast I mumbled it would be nice to walk in the park today.
Mum was about to open the oven door, but stopped.
I re-run in my mind what I had just said and was grateful I had not used a swear word.
I could tell by the look on her face she had rewound the last two seconds of time in her mind and was replaying it.
Having digested my last remark her voice took on an edge as she put one hand on the back of my chair and one on the table, so I was more or less hemmed in, as it were.
Like someone at a tennis match I was busy watching which hand was going to move first so I would know which way to duck.
鈥淵ou can forget walks in the park for a while my lad, you will get sick of walking by the time you have landed yourself a job鈥� Mum warbled, eyes glaring.
The town I lived in was called Barton-upon-Humber in Lincolnshire. U.K.
There were some farms on the out skirts of Barton.
There was a whitening Mill, there was also Hall鈥檚 Barton Rope Works.
Brick and tile yards, The Maltings and Clapson鈥檚 Shipyard.
Most of the people who lived in Barton had worked or did work at The Elswick Hopper Cycle & Motor co.
It had two locations.
Top Hoppers was were all the bicycles were packed and shipped and all the paper work was done for deliveries to countries all over the world.
And Bottom Hoppers was not an occupation.
But was in fact the main Factory where all the parts of the bicycle were made.
Various sizes of steel tubing would be transported to Bottom Hoppers and would re-emerge as a bicycle once imported rubber pedals; handle bar grips, tyres, reflectors and transfers had been added.
In those days a new bike would cost anywhere between 10 to 30 pounds sterling and a youth starting work could acquire one from the local dealer for about half a crown a week, with ten bob as a down payment.
Top Hoppers that was about a mile away at the other end of the town.
Here most of the brighter people, brighter in that they could type or write letters better than most.
When I heard my mother say, 鈥淭hey won鈥檛 even look at him at Top Hoppers, he鈥檚 not bright enough鈥�
At first I was hurt, not because I was a dummy, but because my Mother thought I was a dummy.
I consoled myself with the fact that if they were so smart why did I always know when it was going to rain and they didn鈥檛.
Also I knew how to build a straw stack, milk cows, kill and dress a pig, shoe a horse, when to set seed and in which field.
I knew when an animal was pregnant and when at school I told another boy how I knew he replied that he also knew.
Then went on to tell me that he had seen the bull mount a heifer in Sargeant鈥檚 field.
But I corrected him and told him there were no heifers in that field with the bull, young steers yes, but no heifers.
The other boy replied, 鈥淎w! queer steer huh?
I replied 鈥� A bum steer perhaps鈥�
The other lad said, 鈥淛udging by the size o鈥� the rivittin鈥� 鈥榓mmer on that bull that explains why the steer did the three minute mile twice doin鈥� a rhumba and there is now a muddy track round that grass field.鈥�
I figured that if the world came to an end tomorrow I would be able to feed myself, but all these so called clever buggers would starve with no shops to buy food at.
I never once got wet, while others huddled into doorways waiting for the rain to cease so they could go to the market place and wait for a bus to take them home wet through.
I always had oilskins rolled up in my saddlebag, well I was bright enough to know when it rained I would also get wet when everyone else did.
I knew God would not point a finger at me and thunder, 鈥淛ust don鈥檛 wet him, O.K., stuff the others鈥�
Can you imagine everyone walking through the pouring rain while I am walking in a sunny patch and dry all the time.
If only I could get that lucky, but with my luck even if that did happen I would finish up with sunstroke anyway.
Or in the olden days I would have been burnt at the stake to cries of, 鈥淧ass the onions鈥�

End part 1

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