大象传媒

This is a (lack of) love as well as a war story.
I've always believed in love - not just the physical love between a man and a woman, but the love that a parent has for a child. In my book, this is the most important kind of love and if it is lost, or taken away, the void it leaves can have dire and liftime consequences for the child.

It was 1940 and the German air raids had started after the Battle of Britain was won by 'The Few'. We lived in a modest home in South Manchester, Mother, Father, myself and 2 dogs. I was 13 and perhaps a little spoiled as some only children were. My Father had fought and been wounded in the First World War and was apalled that it was all about to happen again.

My Mother had just had an appendectomy and was recuperating at my Grandmother's house, not far from ours, this mid-December week. Father's office was in St.Peter's Square in the middle of Manchester and he was due to fire-watch at this building and I was going with him.

Saying good-night to my Mother - her strength had not sufficiently returned for her to accompany us - I said, "Please come Mum". Replying in the negative I countered in a fit of pique "All right, it'll serve you right if you get killed".

A German landmine obliterated the garage next door. My Aunt and Grandmother were injured - the blast had blown in the garden shelter's door - and my Mother was killed.My life was devastated. Those words have and will always remain with me. I didn't know I would never see her again.

Eighteen months later I was presented with a step-mother who was only 14 years my senior. My Aunt and Grandmother were rocked by the news. I didn't know what to expect. When they say always expect the worse its good advice!.

My classmates appeared sympathetic over my loss and I lost any inclination to study. My Father was wrapped up with his new wife and love and affection, like food, was in extremely short supply - if there was any at all. In tne February of 1942 I was told that myStep-mother was expecting and in November a girl was born.

As I've intimated my Step-mother showed very little affection, let alone love for me. A commodity we all need. I got no encouragement relative to my school work. As a result of lack of study, I failed my School certificate - twice! - and was castigated for my lack of effort.

This is NOT a sob story but a true reflection of what happened to me.

I'd had piano lesson (my Mother had been a terrific pianist) and after I'd practiced my set pieces I'd spend extra time playin (or trying to play by ear)the dance and jazz music of the era. My Step-mother would rush in with the war-cry "We're not paying for you to play that rubbish". I still play for my own amusement. But even in leisure there was animosity towards me. It became obvious later on that she had no notion on how to bring up a teenager!

I lived through those war years, which included gaining a half-brother, not quite in a daze, but definitely floundering, searching for (although I didn't know it at the time) love.A parent's love which wasn't there - of course, my Father cared for me, but love ?

How do you substitute a parent's love gone for ever?
I left school unqualified at 16. I didn't know what to do. I was waiting for something to take me out of the environment I was in. Was I waiting to be called up? What was the answer.

I was eventually called up, but the fueding - yes it had reached that stage - between me and my step-mother still smouldered. I came home on leave. We were sitting round the kitchen table. It was supper time and an argument broke out. My "dear" step-mother threw a knife at me - I didn't stay there any longer!

The point of my story is love. Unless you've experienced the loss of parental love its hard to understand what its like. I've tried to make sure my own son never suffered loss of love. At 76, my memories of those years will never ever fade. I'm sure I could write a book about them and their affect on me.

Always show your love. Its the most powerful emotion of them all and long may it continue. You can always say to a loved one - "I love you, but I don't like what you're doing". Many an argument can be thus solved.

漏 Copyright of content contributed to this Archive rests with the author. Find out how you can use this.