大象传媒

Why does Hitler want to kill me? (Part 2)

I have always believed that the effect of war on children is far worse than people sometimes think. Being only 2 years old when the war started and 8 years old when it finished meant the most formative years of my life were spent to a considerable degree in fear and hardship; scarring the deep recesses of the mind.
In the 1960鈥檚 I went to see Lionel Bart鈥檚 musical 鈥淏litz鈥� on the stage in London. The lights went down and the curtains went back: the sirens sounded and the bombs started exploding. I suddenly became quite frightened, shaking, and a chill running up and down my spine. I was back in the air raid shelter in Plymouth. I fought the desire to run out into the open. I told the friend I was with and he said he was aware something was wrong. The sound effects of that show were so real that it awoke memories until then dormant in my mind. My service in the Merchant Navy in the late fifties and my time on Christmas Island (where I witnessed a Hydrogen Bomb explosion) never matched those WW2 conditions. To this day I cannot sit in any Theatre or Cinema seat other than the end one and I cannot sleep in a room with the curtains drawn or be shut in a confined space. If anything startles me I shout out loud 鈥� somewhere in the back of my mind my Mother is pulling me out of bed and running through a darkened house and out into the night.
For years after the war was over I would sleepwalk, awaking on my Mother鈥檚 lap having come down the stairs with my school socks over my arm. The threat of a bath of cold water at the foot of the stairs didn鈥檛 deter me. The startled shout is still there today, but not the night time sleepwalking.
Our only family income was that of a Royal Navy Seaman who did 30 years as a ship鈥檚 cook or stoker and had lied about his age in order to be accepted into the Royal Navy for WW1. My Dad was so proud of the Navy and had 8 medals and 2 bars, but died of cancer in 1951. His very small pension was stopped immediately 鈥� I was 14!
Win, my sister, who gashed her knees died of tuberculosis aged 27 years in 1948, not long after the war finished. The rest of my family died of various illnesses at 31 years, 46 years, 56 years, 60 years, 66 years and 68 years - all due I am convinced to the hardship we endured as children when health and social care were not of the level we expect today. I am now aged 66 years and although having had major heart surgery I am in reasonably good health.

The ever-present thread running through all these events was the love I felt from my family, and really miss now 鈥� being the youngest I was probably spoilt by everyone. My Mother鈥檚 door was always open and when 2 aunts were bombed out they came and stayed with us. In my house in those days 5 to a bed was not uncommon!
With all the wars and conflicts that have been waged since 1945, I think of the young people hidden in holes in the ground or cowering in makeshift shelters.
I used to ask my Mother 鈥淲hy does Hitler want to kill me?鈥� I never found out!

Ted Whitehead

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