大象传媒

In 1943 an 'unknown soldier'!wrote six 'couplets', attempting to describe "a desert rat", which appeared in a magazine. I discovered a copy of this amongst my service 'bits and pieces' in 2003. Being a keen "ditty" writer, I decided to describe life as a 'desert rat' a little more thoroughly. Any 'rats' left 'above ground' reading these lines, will surely recall events of those dreadful days?
WHAT IS A DESERT RAT - (with aplogies to Rudyard Kipling)
IF YOU CAN KEEP YOUR KIT, WHEN ALL AROUND YOU, ARE LOSING THEIRS - AND BLAMING IT ON YOU.
IF YOU CAN SCROUNGE A FAG, WHEN ALL REFUSE YOU - AND MAKE ALLOWANCE FOR THEIR DOUBTFUL VIEW.
IF YOU CAN WAIT - AND NEVER TIRE OF WAITING; WHERE THERE IS PUSHING, LET NO MAN PUSH YOU BACK.
OR, BEING DETAILED - WASTE NO TIME DEBATING, BUT FORCE A BRITISH GRIN AND HUMP YOUR PACK.
IF YOU CAN FORCE YOUR HEART AND NERVE AND SINEW - TO SERVE ON GUARD - WHEN YOU SHOULD BE RELIEVED; AND SWEAR LIKE 'L', WITH ALL THE BREATH THAT'S IN YOU; WITH ALL THE CURSES EVER MAN CONCEIVED!
IF YOU CAN MAKE ONE HEAP OF ALL YOUR WINNINGS - AND SCAMPER, JUST BEFORE YOU START TO LOSE.
IF YOU CAN FACE THE OTHER FELLOW'S CHINNINGS; AND TURN DEAF EARS TO THEIR UNLEASHED ABUSE.
IF YOU CAN DRINK - AND NOT MAKE DRINK YOUR MASTER; AND LEAVE THE THINKING TO THE 'OLD C.O.'; IF YOU CAN MEET WITH "DEAR OLD LADY ASTOR" - AND TREAT HER, JUST THOUGH YOU DIDN'T KNOW!*
IF YOU CAN WALK WITH BLONDES - AND KEEP YOUR VIRTUE; AND RIDE IN TRAMS - AND KEEP YOUR PAY-BOOK SAFE.
IF JERRY'S GUNS AND EYETIE BOMBS DON'T FRET YOU - AND ROUGH ANGOLA SHIRTS, DON'T EVEN CHAFE.
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ADDED VERSES:
IF YOU KNOW HOW TO 'FIND' A JERRY LANDMINE; THAT'S HOW TO PROBE QUITE SAFELY IN THE SAND;
IF ISSUE FAGS, TASTE LIKE A 'BLIGHTY' WOODBINE; OR EVEN BETTER THAN THE CAPSTAN BRAND!.
IF YOU CAN EASILY SPOT A JEERY "STUKA"; KNOW WHEN IT WILL DIVE DOWN TO BOMB AND "STRAFF";
BUT DON'T STAND AROUND, LIKE SOME DUMB "ONLUKA" - THE PILOT'S NOT DOING IT FOR A LAUGH!!
IF YOU CAN TRUDGE FOR MILES ON DESERT ROADS; WITH PAINFUL BLISTERS ON YOUR TIRED FEET; FORGET THAT YOU ARE CARRYING HEAVY LOADS - AND WISHING THAT ALL WARS WERE OBSOLETE.
IF YOU'RE PREPARED TO YOUR 'DESERT LILY'; DESPITE IT BEING CLOSE TO JERRY'S LINES;
IF YOU CAN SLEEP, WHEN DESERT NIGHTS ARE CHILLY; AND KNOW THE SAFE WAY THROUGH OLD JERRY'S MINES.
IF YOU CAN ALWAYS MAKE THE PERFECT 'BREW' - KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH ALL THE DESERT FLIES;
NO MATTER WHERE YOU'RE STATIONED "UP THE BLUE";
WITH INSECTS ROUND YOUR MOUTH AND NOSE AND EYES.
IF YOU KNOW HOW TO TREAT A REAL "KHAMSIN";AND HOW TO KEEP THE FLIES OUT OF YOUR TEA;
IF YOU CAN USE THE SAND TO KEEP THINGS CLEAN; AND ALWAYS SCROUNGE A QUICK DIP IN THE SEA!.
IF YOU CAN WASH AND SHAVE, IN JUST A DROP OF TEA; KNOW WHERE YOUR MATE IS GOING WITH HIS SPADE!!
IF YOU HAVE BLISTERS FROM A DESERT FLEA; YOU'LL KNOW IT WILL BE WEEKS BEFORE THEY FADE!.
IF YOU CAN FILL SIX SANDBAGS EVERY MINUTE; DREAM THAT YOUR TRENCH, IS LANA TURNER'S FLAT;
THEN YOURS IS THE 'BLUE' MY SON - AND ALL THAT'S IN IT; HENCEFORTH, YOU WILL BE CALLED A "DESERT
RAT".
*Lady Astor stated, (I believe in the House of Lords - where privileges obtain), that ALL troops arriving back in UK from the Middle East, should be examined for V.D.!!!impertinent b......absolutely inexcusable. Evidently, a relative of hers had caught a disease from a returning officer.
**A "khamsin" (pronouced khamseen) is an extremely hot desert wind.
I was with a mobile radar Unit - 526 A.M.E.S. Air Ministry Experimental Unit. We were attached to the Eighth Army for 2 years up and down the 'blue'
we had twelve sites between El Alamein and Benghazi. If there are any of the 'lads' still around - please give me a call 'E' mail: norman.melvin@virgin.net
RAT"!

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