大象传媒

Well I've arrived! My parents and two of my sisters drove me here to see me off. I was worried I'd make a bad impression of myself but everyone was making an effort to get along and we all did, asking about each other's courses and where we're all from. In secondary school, I relied on people to introduce me to others but I've changed my attitude and now I put myself forward and introduce myself. Everyone was interested about me doing deaf studies and I taught them some sign language. I was concentrating so much on having to chat that I didn't tic. We had a tour round the building and had our first meal. We had a gathering in the Junior Common Room (JCR) where I met more people, it was great. I was struck by the diversity of people in my halls. So many countries are represented. I've found that it is best to just be yourself as they'll want to know you and you'll want to know them!

I was talking to a friend I made from my corridor when I left him to find a computer (my equipment hasn't come yet). This was the wrong thing to do. If you have a chance to socialise don't drop it unless you have to. Looking back, I didn't really need a computer so urgently. I just missed having access to one. I see autistic traits in some people I've met and someone with a blinking tic so I know I'm not alone here, although I'm the only one doing deaf studies . I met the deaf studies people I found on Facebook and we all got on like a house on fire, it was really cool. Finding people on Facebook is great as you don't have to worry about introductions. We signed to each other and talked about BSL. In the evening there was a pub crawl but I'm not much of a drinker and neither were a few people I met so we had a board games night. It's good that they cater for those who aren't really extrovert.

I got lost several times today, I'm sure everyone does. I think I had a map, but lost that too. Most people are students so they know the way around if you ask. A friend from Deaf Studies has been here for a while, so I called her to ask directions. I got my equipment today, it all looks good. I received a laptop, printer scanner, voice recorder and a book stand. I didn't have a laptop already and asked for one for times when I need to be alone. My memory is very bad. The voice recorder is to record lectures so that I don't miss anything. In the evening, I went to the cinema which was organised as well. The night life is great!

I had introductory lectures for Deaf Studies about the course and study skills needed today. The lecturers all look friendly. At the end there was a social gathering for all years which was a chance to get an insight from the students themselves. I also signed with the lecturers, never done that before, but while I can sign, I was glad an interpreter was present as I couldn't understand them. There were examples of ballroom and break dancing as well, to show what they do if we wanted to join them at the Fresher's Fair. That evening, I went out for a meal with some friends from Deaf Studies. We went to a restaurant where there were music videos playing and we tried to sign them. It was fun.

Fresher's Fair today, very busy! If you want to join societies, there are hundreds. So far I've joined the Christian Union (CU) and Tai chi. We need to make up 120 academic units in first year. Deaf Studies is 100, so we have to find something else to make up the other 20. I chose an Open Unit course at the open unit's fair, something you can choose to learn, a new language or interest, something different. I chose to learn Mandarin as there are many Chinese people here and they can help me! I'm up for the challenge. In the evening there was barn dancing, YEE-HAA! Another good way to meet people is by dancing with them.

We visited the library and were shown the resources available there, so many books and videos of BSL information. It was the second day of Fresher's Fair so I joined more societies: the Chinese society (as I was interested in their culture), the Chinese calligraphy and chess society (I like how they write), and the sign society (to meet fellow signers). I also got loads of freebies and leaflets. I've discovered that societies don't pester you to join unless you stand close by them, so I say keep your distance and don't be afraid to say no, they'll understand. I've seen the massive BSL dictionary so ordered mine on Amazon, hope to get it soon.

I got up late in the morning as did everyone really. We were served brunch or lunch; I went for the latter, it was bigger! I'm in catered halls, my parents thought it would be one less worry. They don't provide dinner or tea at the weekends so I've just been eating toast. I tidied up my room, but not so much, looking at it now! I went to the CU with other people from my halls and met Christians from other halls. It's great to meet other people with the same interests, which is what uni is about, being with people who have similar interests and you don't get left out.

I didn't go to church today as I didn't know which one, so I hung out with my corridor peeps. I had Sunday roast - yum - and we had a photo of everyone living here. My tics are getting more noticeable now cos I've been here for a while and I can be myself more. I don't know how long it will be til I can't hide it anymore. I'm not ashamed of my Tourettes or Aspergers, but I don't want people not asking me about it, and thinking I'm weird, so we'll see... There was a movie night as well which I fell asleep in, how embarrassing!

Fresher's week has gone pretty well, but now the real work begins...

No lectures today so I went to the library to look up the DVDs and videos available, there's a wide selection so they'll be useful for later on. I got my BSL dictionary here as well ... and it's a good read! I went swimming with a mate; I'm trying to keep active as I was pretty lazy back home. My swimming technique made it harder to swim, according to my mate. I'll have to learn how to swim better.

I also had my first Tai Chi lesson, it was really relaxing, which is what a uni student needs. And it will be good to calm my tics.

I had my first lectures today in deaf studies. I was really excited as we were only allowed to sign and had to 'turn off our voices'.

What really surprised me was that the interpreter left the room, so we had to interpret for ourselves what the lecturers and others were saying - or signing, rather; all the lecturers on the course are deaf and BSL users. I was surprised how well the others could sign when suddenly thrown into a situation of having to, but we all understood each other pretty well.

I think the majority of people taking this course are either there because they want to be interpreters or teachers of deaf children.

I've got a of over 200 signed songs I've performed. And though I have been learning sign language since the age of 14 from books and video, I've never met a deaf person until now. I think the first deaf person I met was one of the lecturers here. I want to be an interpreter but the basic reason I find myself on this course is because I like the language, I can express myself well in sign partly because I was taught Makaton - a simple sign language - when I was young. I was a late speaker and the people around me thought I had learning difficulties and taught me to sign. I didn't get a diagnosis of Asperger syndrome until I was seven. And it's probably the obsessive side of my Asperger that got me so hooked on BSL.

Also today, I had a taste of the Chinese calligraphy class, which I really need to practice, so a few more classes and I hope to improve.

After throwing us in the deep end yesterday, having to sign today was less of a shock.

We learnt about 'placement' and keeping things visual so deaf people could understand where things were. They gave us an exercise to do. We had to point out two places in the UK on a map we had to imagine was in front of us. They gave me Fishguard and the Isles of Scilly. I didn't know where they were until they showed me a real map. The point, I think, was to make us think about using visuals to describe where things are rather than how hearing people would usually do it through words which are less effective in deaf communication.

I did my first load of washing ever today, which was a success, but the dryers were rubbish so the wet clothes are hanging on shelves and over doors in my room.

We had a Christian Union 'grub crawl' - like a pub crawl but with grub, get it? - and doing bible study, so it's all good!

Our class was told to make a video. We signed our names, where we're from, what we want to get from the course and what we aim to do. It was also a way of capturing what we can do now so we can see how much we've improved in 4 months time when we watch it again.

We had our first lectures about deaf people in society and society's attitudes towards them. Deaf Studies is all about learning the language, learning deaf culture, learning about deafness in society, helping deaf people.

In the evening, I and a couple of classmates went to a Deaf pub group called The Scream, where every Thursday Deaf and hearing people meet to sign. There were only 2 deaf people there, as well as some second year Deaf studies students and they were all nice. There's a deaf pub thing next Friday which I hope to attend with others so that should be even better.

We had a seminar about deaf poetry, such a beautiful emotional thing! The poems performed were: Macbeth and the Lost Ark and The Staircase. Poetry is about emotion. Normal signing is faster but with poetry it's slower, looks appealing and is more graceful. Some people would be confused to hear that someone with Asperger can get emotional. I think that everyone is different in how much Asperger affects them. One person could have trouble with emotion but have good communication, others may have hyper emotion but poor communication. But I think that learning sign is generally a good way to express emotions.

We also had lectures about learning skills which we'll have every week (fun!) but the main event of today was the Fresher's Ball. I wanted to go here as this was the last fresher's event. I was apprehensive and had worries about whether I would enjoy it but when I arrived there was so much going on - live music, chocolate fountain, bucking bronco, bungee run, it was all good.

I hung out with my deaf studies peeps and their friends and we all had a good time, dancing away, signing away (that was needed in the noisy environment!) and went home about half past one.

I didn't get drunk unlike others but we all had a good time nonetheless. I know everyone feels different - you don't have to attend, but make sure you don't regret any decision you make!

I was feeling ill all day from last night so I stayed in my room for most of the day. Possibly something to do with me not liking change ... and I do get sick if I stay up too late. But it did bring home how much staying inside was boring and not good for you if you are a student. Back home I used to choose to stay home rather than go out on most occasions, and I'd resort to the computer to keep me entertained. While I'm still at uni I'll try not to have days like this very often as it weakens my confidence to socialise every time I choose to avoid people.

In the evening I played games such as Twister and Jenga - love 'em! - with a few other students, we all had a great laugh.

I went to church today. People from different halls and representatives of the churches gathered and we could disperse to whichever one interested us. We're allowed to change our mind about churches; I want to try a different one every week and see which is best for me.

I tried another this evening, it was completely different. If you don't like a church, don't feel that you have to stick with it. Everyone has different tastes and so it's just the case of finding the right one for you.

I had no lectures today so I went to the library and did shopping. In the evening, I had the first meeting of the Sign society. There was a massive turnout, all eager to learn BSL. We learnt the alphabet, pretty basic, and I was chatting to other people who were 2nd year, 3rd year and MSc students of Deaf studies. They were all impressed at how well I and another 1st year could sign, and we kept signing through the noise of the pub. I bet the general public thought we were deaf!

Not feeling so well today because of Freshers鈥� flu. Nevertheless, I wasn鈥檛 gonna let that get me down, I love my lectures. Besides, I had my first Mandarin lecture. There are so many sounds and 4 tones that you have to use, and each tone changes the meaning of the word, so it鈥檚 going to be a challenge which I鈥檓 up for. Deaf studies lectures were about possession and facial expressions and body language. That was one of the funniest lessons because of the faces we pulled and the sounds we were making, it was like being a kid again. Expressions are so important for the Deaf as they can change the meanings of signs, like Mandarin tones change the meanings of words. Expressions may be hard for aspies to do but pulling faces is a great way to practice emotions and expressions, and it helps you learn to laugh at yourself.

My cold and cough is still bad and I鈥檓 still taking medicine. We took a tour of the Deaf studies building today and looked at how to use direction and placement in describing where things are in a building, later on describing where places are in a town. There was an unexpected fire bell as well, and this one had sirens and flashing lights for the Deaf people. I also attended a dance class for Thriller with a couple of mates, because on Halloween we鈥檙e going to perform this dance to the unexpected public. CU happened as well which was fun, but I kept sniffing and coughing all the way through it, so I鈥檒l pray I鈥檒l get better soon.

Still ill, but striving on to go to lectures. We learnt about glossing which is when BSL is written down into words, translated literally and not in a spoken English grammatical structure. We also had lectures about Deaf people in society. I had my second Mandarin class in the evening, which overlapped with teatime, but the good thing is that there is a late dinner book which you can sign, telling the cooks to save a meal for you. At the end of the day I went to Scream again with my mates from Deaf studies.

I have a really sore throat today, but I was still able to go to my seminar. It was about the project (look it up!), an online teaching programme of different sign languages. Again we had study skills lectures which were as boring as last week鈥檚. The evening was more relaxing; I hung out with people in the corridor and watched some TV in the TV room. 鈥楬ave I Got News for You鈥� was on, we had to watch it!

I didn鈥檛 do much today, only went to the library, because I鈥檓 still feeling ill. But this is a good opportunity to explain what I hope to achieve from writing this diary. There aren鈥檛 many diary accounts from students with AS or Tourette鈥檚, and those I have found always sound negative and they tend to have a really bad experience at uni. That is why many people look at autism negatively, because they expect autistic people to struggle. In the news, you hear that we 鈥榮uffer鈥� with AS and Tourette鈥檚 鈥� I don鈥檛 鈥榮uffer鈥� at all. Suffering to me means pain or feeling pretty bad, like having Freshers鈥� flu. Sure I鈥檝e had bad times, tantrums were frequent for me when I was younger, but I鈥檝e grown out of them, and every day is a step closer to being 鈥榥ormal鈥�. I鈥檓 not denying my autism - and I know it鈥檚 a rhetorical question, 鈥榃hat is 鈥榥ormal鈥�?鈥� - but it鈥檚 like a beast, I have to find ways to tame it and then I鈥檒l feel better about myself.

I think my mum found it hard to consider that I鈥檇 be fine at uni, because of the 鈥榗lassic鈥� symptoms thrown at us at every paediatric meeting throughout my life, dislike of change, bad communication/social skills. The professionals dictated how I should behave because of the syndrome and offered needless help to me. I think I would have been a typical aspie at school, uni, and in my adulthood, but she, my family, my friends, and I know that I can be 鈥榥ormal鈥� and my behaviour has improved. My parents were told that I鈥檇 never be in mainstream school, but I always have been; I was in a special unit in my first school and had a helper throughout most of my school life, that鈥檚 all. They would say 鈥榥o鈥� sometimes, like all parents do, but I hope they never thought my future would be bleak.

Also, people say I鈥檓 an inspiration, that I show that there鈥檚 a ray of hope for those kids whose lives will be all doom and gloom because of autism, as their parents have been told by professionals. If that鈥檚 what it appears like, then I don鈥檛 wanna be an inspiration! Why can鈥檛 parents and professionals just believe that their child will be successful rather than wait for evidence (like this diary) that there is hope?

You also see on the news about how disabled people win Olympic medals or become great musicians and artists, and the first question raised is 鈥楬ow can they do that if they鈥檙e disabled?鈥� They don鈥檛 admire the event, they highlight the disability first, giving the audience a prejudiced view that the disabled person shouldn鈥檛 be doing that act, or they think that we wish we weren鈥檛 disabled, and then we could do that act even better. That鈥檚 why parents get so apprehensive about sending their autistic children to uni, they query if it鈥檚 something we aspies should be doing.

So I鈥檓 writing this diary as there鈥檚 a lack of resources, and to prove to others that we aspies can have a positive experience at uni, but surely I don鈥檛 need to remind people of that, do I?

Sorry about my rant yesterday, I just got tired with how difference is seen negatively. And unfortunately that was an issue today at church. I still have a sore throat so instead of singing I was signing the lyrics. Then a man came up and asked me if I was Deaf and I replied that I had a sore throat and couldn鈥檛 sing well, so he prayed for me saying, 鈥淭his is not like you Jesus to make him ill鈥�, which is wrong, other ill people around me made me ill, not Jesus. But I later asked him, if I was Deaf, would he pray for me to be hearing. He said yes, and that he had made Deaf people hear before like Jesus 鈥� WHAT?! Firstly, what gives him the right to think he鈥檚 like Jesus? Secondly, I鈥檓 not sure how the Deaf would feel but I would be really offended. It isn鈥檛 his right to say that being hearing is better, nor can he assume that Deaf people long to be hearing.

As far as my memory goes, I have never prayed for my AS or Tourette鈥檚 to go away and I don鈥檛 plan on doing so. Having AS has its advantages, i.e. it鈥檚 given me a really good long term memory so I鈥檓 able to remember sign language to songs easily, with a bit of practice of course. And Tourette鈥檚... I鈥檓 not sure why I have it but I wanna find out. They make me and I鈥檓 happy with who I am, and shouldn鈥檛 we all be happy with ourselves? Good thing I never said to him that I had these, or he鈥檇 have gone on saying, 鈥淭his is not like you Jesus, why have you made this boy autistic?鈥� I think Jesus would reply, 鈥淗e鈥檚 autistic for a reason and I want him to fulfil that鈥�. I believe God makes us who we are for a purpose, and I know that if I don鈥檛 benefit from being autistic myself, someone else will.

Anyway, afterwards I went to eat dinner around at a couple鈥檚 house with some CU friends from my accommodation, and a very nice meal it was. In the evening, my CU friends and I went to another church and this one was much better, more my preference. The students gathered afterwards for a talk at the end but our youth leaders were pretty boring. I鈥檒l see how it goes next week.

I joined the mentorship programme in my faculty before starting university and today, I finally met my mentor. She is a 3rd year student doing sociology but has a friend doing deaf studies. I was supposed to meet her in Freshers鈥� week but got caught up and forgot. We went for a coffee (hot chocolate for me, I hate coffee!) and we talked about how I was getting on. She told me about what happens in the future years, including details about the workload and finding housing. She helped me fill out the student health cards as I was yet to register with a GP. It was good to meet her . She will be there for me if I need her. Don鈥檛 feel that you have to have a mentor at university, you may never need one, but mentors are there to help you so don鈥檛 be afraid to speak up.

I started learning Mandarin today, we practiced Chinese writing. It鈥檚 quite hard but I鈥檓 sure we鈥檒l get the gist soon.

In deaf studies we signed about family and interpreted funny scenes from You鈥檝e Been Framed. We had to act out the unlucky people who did the embarrassing things on the videos. Not literally act it out, but sign it. This required lots of animated actions and faces and that鈥檚 what makes it fun to sign, you get to do embarrassing things like that, but Deaf people need them to understand.

It was a corridor mate鈥檚 birthday today so in the evening we played games and had cheese and crackers, mmmm.

We learned about different time phrases and about fruit and vegetables in deaf studies today. It was also the second practice for the Thriller dance. It will be like the T-mobile advert in the train station, where everyone suddenly starts joining in.

The weather has been really unpredictable today and yesterday so I had to remember to bring a raincoat or umbrella with me.

I went to Hall Christian Union in the evening. This is where Christians from your halls gather to play games, eat food and talk scriptures. It's fun.

We started our deaf studies day, by watching a video about a man telling a story about a holiday in Tunisia. We just had to try our best to understand it, which wasn鈥檛 as simple as we first thought, but we got there in the end. We learnt about the ear in the second half of the day, sound鈥檚 journey through the ear, and what causes deafness.

I still have fresher鈥檚 flu (how long must it go on?) and because of that I now have a coughing tic where I cough like crazy! It's stronger in the morning and at night, so I don鈥檛 worry people as much as if I did it during the day. You have to find ways of disguising tics, and I understand why people say they struggle with concealing them. Back home I made no effort to hide them, but while I鈥檓 here I try to. I tend to keep my tics physical in public and let the vocal ones out when I'm alone. Don't ask how I can keep聽vocal tics separate when I want to, I just can, but I鈥檓 getting used to being here, so it鈥檚 going to get harder. I just want to see how long I can go before someone questions me.

The weekly seminar was cancelled so some mates from my course and I went out to eat in a pub. We all get on really well. The study skills lectures were boring as ever so I was ticcing more there.

In the evening we went to another pub. It is a good place to be, generally quiet, so we can have a drink or a meal there and have a laugh. Because of Asperger's, my hearing is sensitive to background noise, so I have to concentrate on what other people are saying. In a noisier pub, sign language is useful, so it's a good thing we all do deaf studies.

You'll probably find out new things about yourself at university. I found that I like the clubbing scene and the odd drink, and I think I was being held back from that cos people assumed I wouldn鈥檛 like it, that it鈥檚 not my thing cos I鈥檓 autistic. Well I do, just not every night.

My family came over today. It was nice to see them all here; it鈥檚 a long way to drive from Dorset. My brother wanted to go to a harmonica function held in Bristol so the rest of us ventured down to the high street, looked through the cathedral, and we all ate at an Italian restaurant. My family were all happy that I had no worries here. They are right, I don鈥檛.

I just did my laundry in the afternoon and went to church in the evening today. But as it鈥檚 the last day of the diary I鈥檓 going to reflect on the four weeks so far.

It feels like I鈥檝e been here for ages but it also seems that the time has gone quickly. I think the biggest impact is the diversity of the students and townspeople here and how friendly they all are. Everyone blends in together. I get on with all the people in my classes, in my halls, and everyone treats me nicely.

The most difficult thing I鈥檝e had to face is how to be sociable outside lectures. This has been surprisingly easy. The Freshers' Fair offers many societies that fit your interests, and when they hold meetings you can tag along. Making friends has been easy as well. I recommend that you find people on Facebook or other networks as you can get to know them before you get to university and then meeting them in person isn鈥檛 dodgy.

Advice for other people on the autistic spectrum disorder and for everyone really who鈥檚 considering studying at uni, is to just be yourself. Just like school was, uni is really diverse. I thought all the students would party hard and binge drink, but there are so many different kinds of people, you鈥檒l find some you can hang out with. Everyone treats others with respect anyway.

I also mentioned in my video that I wanted independence away from my family. Well I admit that I have rung them a few times about simple things, like how to do laundry, what medicine to buy for聽colds and coughs, things聽my parents did for me that I took for granted and didn't give much thought too. Being here has given me life lessons for independence and I am growing more confident about doing things for myself.

So I鈥檓 looking forward to the rest of my student life. My final advice would be that, whatever you want to do in life, don鈥檛 be daunted or held back by the prospect of studying at uni. Embrace the idea and when you get there, enjoy it.