大象传媒

By Arya S

Cats. Should I say cute fluff balls? Adorable companions? Well... thing is I don't like cats. They just don't seem right to me. More of a dog person myself if you ask. Ok, ok, maybe I am being too harsh on cats. But oh, come on! Cats sleep roughly 16 hours a day! (Ok, some research was done on this topic.) I mean, you probably sleep the 8 hours they are awake. Cats are sly, devious, they are basically domesticated lions or tigers. Ok, think for a minute. Would you keep a tiger in your house that sleeps 16 hours a day and likes you just enough, so it won't kill you the moment it sets its eyes on you? Will you? See? I am right, cats are just wrong. I think I also know how God made cats. Should I tell you? Ok. He took a great ball of cotton and other soft materials of the world and shaped them into a beautiful and adorable creature, and the he sprinkled a whole lot of cunningness and poured gallons and gallons of self-esteem on the soft material, and then, just to finish the creation, God but knives on the end of the paws. I mean look at those menacing claws! Bears would be terrified and Satin himself will look at God and say, "Whoa, dude! That's too much, even for me!" If you are a cat-obsessed human-being (if those types of humans even exist) than I hope that you survive the rest of your cat-ridden life. And do not, DO NOT get me started on kittens! Cats are already evil beings in disguise, but kittens! KITTENS! It's like the devil dressed in the clothes of God but with an extra dollop of cuteness and adorableness! Big cats are fine. It's just that they tick me off a bit as well. There just domesticated cats minus the cuteness and adding a tankful of cool-looking poses, strength and royalty. And no, I am not a dog. Not even slightly. Maybe. UGH! I can't lie to you, yes, I am a dog. Did you know that cats are stupid! Haven't you seen the memes (Sorry human and dog adults who don't know the meaning of memes) and videos that took the internet by craze in 2016! Let me tell you about the neighbour's cat: Mr. Puss Puss...

Mr. Puss Puss

It was a dark and stormy night, (my story-telling is not good) I wandered to my food bowl next to my owner's warm, fluffy slippers. Then I saw it. A slight grin and an evil glint. A cat! I was in danger. It prowled up to me. My owner was quite unaware. It took one claw, as sharp as a killer's freshly cleaned blade and took... TOOK MY FOOD!

I know right, so scary. You probably peed your pants, probably not near a lamppost.

Look all I want to say is that don't get a cat... GET A BLOOMING DOG!