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Harvey Belovski, rabbi at Golders Green United Synagogue:

My wife and I recently marked our 30th wedding anniversary.  When we were planning how to celebrate, my wife spotted a Baltic holiday. It seemed like an opportunity to enjoy looking back over three decades of married life. It was a great success – when my wife returned, she told me that she’d had a lovely time.

People often ask how my wife has tolerated me for so long. There are so many things to juggle – children, work, play, community – that the spark that brought people together in the first place can easily die. Over the course of a relationship, there can be wonderful events – births, holidays, birthdays, laughter and lots of love. But there can also be bereavements, miscarriages, job loss and other struggles that can test even the strongest relationships. Living in a disposable world makes it worse – when the going gets tough, it’s easier than ever to jack it all in rather than work it all out.

I know there’s no magic formula for success. But I do have a few tips that might help, although I can’t vouch for how successful I am at following them myself.

 Always try to have a date night, particularly if you’re blessed with kids – ideally every couple of weeks. You might remember that you enjoy spending time together, laughing, sharing a meal or just a walk.  And try not to talk about kids or work!

I’ve noticed that arguments are often over tiny things – so here’s a useful question to ask when hostilities commence – will it matter tomorrow? If ‘no’ – which is most of the time – then stop. Incredible that we chip away at our most precious relationship over something that won’t matter and we probably won’t even remember the next day.

I believe that a lot of relationship conflicts are caused by being hungry and irritable rather than real issues, but a fight caused by being ‘hangry’ can quickly get out of hand. Just nibbling on an apple or a piece of chocolate before coming home can make all the difference. 

And one final tip – if you share a bedroom with a chronic snorer and struggle to sleep, I have an easy solution. Get a pair of excellent earplugs and push them right up the nose of your snoring partner. It’s worked wonders for us!