 |  |
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
Listeners' Fantasies |
 |
|
|
|
 |
|
From Ambridge to Limerick - Part Seven
by various
 More recent Ambridge happenings in limerick form, from the .
Alice and Christopher
When attending a music event
I advise you to pack a spare tent.
And some people think
That a small kitchen sink
Is what separates oiks from true gents.
Although Alice tells Chris he can't woo her,
He gives jacket, tent, sleeping bag to her,
And the muscular charms
Of this farrier's arms
Are so strong that before long he'll shoe her
The scriptwriters, once they'd begun it,
And spun it, and spun it and spun it,
Can beat out our brains,
For the question remains:
Have Alice and Christopher done it?
When your daughter's a county set Miss
And you find she's been sleeping with Chris
How much worse will you feel
When related to Neil
But ignore me; I'm taking the .... mickey
It seems class today is no barrier
To dalliance with a young farrier
But get up the duff
By that bit of rough
There'll be ructions if he wants to marry 'er
Although Jennifer's toes may have curled
When she saw where her daughter's love whirled
She should give it a rest
For it's all for the best
In this Bestival-possible world!
Izzy and Pip
There was a teenager named Izzy
Who'd no hobbies to keep herself busy.
She met a young lout,
And now she's up the spout,
And Darren's the father --- or is he?
She ran to her friend in a trice,
And Pip gave her this helpful advice:
"Might I be so bold?
It happens, I'm told,
But only to girls who aren't nice."
So Pip tells her (former) friend Izzy
"It's no use getting into a tizzy;
You've been dumped by a rat,
Now get rid of his brat."
(It's the smart thing to do. Ask Aunt Lizzie.)
Team Chasing
You would need a heart made of stone,
Not to care that Caroline's bone,
Has been broken in two,
While the snafus accrue
At work, and she can't use the phone.
Why was Nigel not thrown from his horse?
Causing Lizzie to scream with remorse,
As he lands on his head,
Then drops down, quite dead -
'Cos she's Archer not Sterling, of course!
Bert's Ploughing Match
How pleasant to know Mr Fry,
Who can plough fields as straight as a die.
He may be an actor
On a make-believe tractor,
But he still brings a tear to my eye.
If you suffer from some DESPERATION,
Knowing how you'll need PACIFICATION,
EXPECTATION's the thing!
ACCLAMATION will bring
No surprise, 'cos it's Fry's REALIZATION
(This one might seem a little strange if you are too young to remember )
Miscellany
So Will has been put through the mangle,
Of losing in love's great triangle:
Now that Emma and Ed
Can breakfast in bed,
Perhaps it's himself that he'll strangle.
You can now feel the Angel of Death,
Over Peggy, just like King Macbeth.
She should move to the Willows
And recline on soft pillows,
With Jack, where they draw their last breath.
It's an outrage; it's that in the least
I'm left feeling that I have been fleeced
Now I won't lay me eyes
On Ms Thwaite's gorgeous thighs
Oh, Sabrina, you're taking the piste.
Our thanks to inuanoveritas, Mr Snowy, Piers Plowman, Septimus Harding, The Vintner's Driver and Vicky S.
More limericks:
More
Archers fantasies
<<Back
|
|
 | |  |
|
|
|
 |
|
