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Listeners' Fantasies |
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From Ambridge to Limerick - Part 8
by various
 Two recent stories through the prism of that famous five-line verse form, from the Fantasy Archers topic of .
Matt and Lilian's flit
The prospect of Chalkie's ill-will
Has given Matt Crawford the chill
Cos the blighter has stored
In a haven off-shore
The best part of one quarter mill
But Matt did not mean to annoy
Hapless Lil with his financial ploy
He stashed away lolly
Is he off his trolley?
No - But he IS a v. naughty boy!
Ola! And they're off on a plane
It's like Bonnie and Clyde once again
But I need to arsk
Are they going first class
Or's economy name of the game?
The trial made Matt Crawford feel weaker
So he became a keen pleasure-seeker.
He got Lilian to go
where he stashed all his dough
and he's holed-up in hot Costa Rica
A pound to a pinch of best snuff,
That Lilo will do just enough,
To get Matt to agree
To come back, then he'll see,
That British justice is fair, but quite rough.
A man, in a bar, with a flat.
Now what were the chances of that?
How lucky that Lil
Did not swallow the pill
But swatted Matt down with a splat.
Now all that we need, it is rummy,
Is for Lil to get struck with sick tummy
She's be off like a shot
To the loo, then, like as not
To the airport and back home to mummy
Annette and Leon's fling
Now Annette's been a silly young pup
And to Helen is sure to 'fess up:
"I'm so sorry," she'll cry
"But I cannot deny,
"He's fantastic - Oh, what a cock up!"
Though Helen has flashed her eyelids
Her Christmas plans are on the skids
When Leon pretends
He has plans to meet "friends"
He refers to the wife and the kids
I hope that this warning will clicky
With young women wishing to get licky
With cool Aussie barmen,
Who, although they seem charming,
Might cause you to wee on a sticky.
Did Annette use a stick as a goad
Left for Helen in the commode?
Now I would have thought
That in Ambridge you ought
To piddle on Eddie's pet toad!
"Have the baby!" says Helen, "you'll see, on
Weekdays I'll look after it for free!" "On
Reflection", says Annette
Not a good choice. I bet
You don't realise the father is Leon!"
Our thanks to AnthonyofDevon, inguanoveritas, Mr Snowy, Sixties Relic, The Famous Eccles and Vicky S
More limericks:
More
Archers fantasies
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