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Listeners' Fantasies |
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Chreesmas ees comeeng ...
by DebZ
 It's been a while since we've heard from Lynda's llamas in the Fantasy Archers topic of .
Storming into the llama shed, Wolfgang slammed shut the door and gave vent to his feelings.
"**%$!µ$m!! §**ll # **@!" he said.
"Wath up?" lisped Constanza.
"Thad bluddee woman!" fumed Wolfgang.
"Wath Leenda do now?" asked Constanza, wiggling her tongue at him in a strange manner.
Wolfgang regarded her closely. "You know you haf beet paper stuck to tongue?" he enquired.
"Yeth, eeth thtamp."
"Eet haf peecture of Queen's head on eet," announced Wolfgang, peering closely.
"Yeth I know," Constanza was becoming slightly impatient. "Thtamp thtuck."
"Eet stamp!" exclaimed Wolfgang, for all the world a modern day Archimedes in the bath.
"I know eeth thtamp," said Constanza, through teeth gritted as tightly as the protruding tongue would allow her.
"Why you haf stamp on tongue?"
"Beecause," said Constanza, finally managing to detach the offending object, "I writing Chreesmas cards, and thees ees for envelope."
"Good Grief! Chreesmas cards alreadee! You be telleeng me you put Brussels sprouds on cook next! Aneeway, whad Chreesmas cards - I nod deesigned them yed?"
"I have brainwafe," Constanza primped herself, "Actuallee, I call them "Criamas cards". Mira!"
Wolfgang gazed at the card held out before him. "Why eet Salieri! Weeth matcheeng red had and scarf!"
"Si," agreed Constanza, "I kneet them myself, then I take phodo and Don Roberto preent who' lod off for me to make cards."
The two proud parents gazed lovingly at the photo for a few moments.
"Thad remind me, Roberto haf lod answer for too!"
"Nod Don Roberto?" Constanza was shocked.
"Goeeng behind my back like thad. Nod a word to me." Wolfgang thought dark thoughts.
"Maybee you eggsplain?" suggested Constanza.
"He onlee preent posters for her! Juss when I think thees year she forged all aboud eet, Leenda go an' organise Chreesmas concerd. Juss when I haf eet all planned. Juss when I aboud to pud up posters for audicÃons she bead me to eet!"
"No!" exclaimed Constanza horrified, "An' leettle Salieri bee so good as babee Jeesus!"
"Ummm," muttered Wolfgang, looking out of the window as his son and heir enjoyed a boisterous game of tag with Scruffy, "Eef he keep steell long enough… No, I nod haf nativitee play een mind, I theenk Opera. I theenk Eengleberd Humperdeenk!"
"Pleese reelease me," sang Constanza, "I haf lass waltz weeth you…"
"Certainlee nod," Wolfgang looked disgusted, "Hansel an' Gredel. You be Gredel, I be Hansel…"
"Santa Shula be weetch," said Constanza suddenly entering into the spirit of things.
"I theenk Leeleean Bellamee for weetch," said Wolfgang firmly, "She verree good as weecked mirror lass year, an' now Jeell off to Antipodees we nod able to rely on her. I theenk lovlee, blonde Shula play angel who rescues poor childrens."
"Angel who rescues???" puzzled Constanza.
"I wride pard eef eet nod there," said Wolfgang airily. "An' you make geengerbread house, wheech we offer to audience to ead after performance!"
"I theenk you confuse me weeth Clarree Grundee," said Constanza, frostily. "Aneeway, eet all (meence) pies een the sky now! Whad Leenda propose for our entertainment?"
"Huh! Look, Gospeel Choir, I ask you! Eef she talk to me, I arrange for the National Llama Charango orchestra!"
"The National Llama Charango orchestra?" echoed Constanza faintly. "Who they eggsacklee?"
"Who they? Who they? Why onlee Peru's answer to the National Ukulele Orchestra, thad who! Who they eendeed! Pah!"
"Saltieri," called Constanza, opening the shed door, "Eet time for bed querido…"
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