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Listeners' Fantasies |
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Haf youselfs a merree leedle Chreesmass ...
by DebZ
 Season's greetings to llama readers, from the Fantasy Archers topic of .
The door of the llama shed was flung wide and in strode Constanza.
"What ees meaneeng of thees?" she stormed.
"Dammeet!" swore Wolfgang, "Now I drop eet, you know how long eet…"
"Whad," interrupted Constanza, "Ees meaneeng of thees?"
"Weell," said Wolfgang, stroking his chin reflectively as he regarded the two objects placed before him, "Thad ees infladable snowman. Thees mean we geddeeng near Chreesmas an' certain peoples like deecorade their house weeth such tad. The meaneeng of other ees less clear. Eet appear to be small cria, who dreepeeng wader all ofer floor. Now, thees may haf seegneefeecance in Renaissance ard, although geeven they onlee juss deescover Amereecas eet moss unliklee." He paused briefly. "Een my opeenion, the meaneeng of thees ees it raineeng oudside!"
Constanza stared open mouthed at him.
"Breelleeant Señor Holmes." She clapped her hooves together slowly. "Now maybee you eggsplain why I find them in MY hod tub?"
"You hod tub?" enquired Wolfgang slowly, "You find them in you hod tub? Eet nod raineeng then?"
Constanza nodded and shook her head (No easy task to do both simultaneously). Wolfgang glared at Salieri.
"Mama, Papa - I can explain it all!" he piped up, shaking himself from head to hoof and causing drops of water to scatter all around.
"Gaah!" screamed Constanza, "Eet cold!"
"Waah" shouted Wolfgang, "Eet freezing!"
"I swapped for the snowman and then just to see if he floats I put him in Mama's hot tub - for my science project. Only he didn't, so I had to dive in and rescue him. Whilst I was in there, I thought I'd just try out Papa's water chute. It works really well!" Salieri grinned toothily at his parents.
"Water chute? Thad ees…"
"Hold on meenuto, you swap heem for whad eggsacklee?"
"A poinsettia."
"You swap thees… thees… thees theeng for one of my poinsettia?"
"It wasn't one of your best ones - in fact, you said you were going to throw it away because the leaves were all spotty. I told them that it was a new variety."
"What a clever cria," exclaimed Constanza apparently delighted at his mendaciousness. "Now you go and dry off and pud you peejamas on an' I make us both cup of hod chocolade. Hokey?"
"Okay," sighed Salieri, taking himself off with relief at having escaped so lightly.
Constanza turned to Wolfgang.
"Why do I haf water chute een hod tub? Eet nod on my Chreesmas leest."
"Eet nod water chute , eet waterfall," said Wolfgang indignantly and then seeing her look of incomprehension, added, "Eet for Leenda. Weell, nod askshully for Leenda, bud for her pandomime."
"I theenk you say you haf notheeng to do weeth pandomime," said Constanza suspiciously, "Primero, you say you nod dress up een skirt an' be dame, segundo you say Daveed and Kenton Archer finer pair of clowns than you efer bee and finallee,you refuse to be back end of cow efen when I remind you Clarree ees frond end!"
"Ah, the sacreeficees one makes for one's ard!" sighed Wolfgang.
"Ard? Whad ard? Yeeeeeoooowww!" Constanza jumped back holding her hoof in the air.
"You find eet!" exclaimed Wolfgang.
"I seem haf needle stuck een me," said Constanza faintly.
"Si, si - I nefair theenk I find eet!"
"Why do I haf needle stuck een me?" enquired Constanza sinking back onto a large cushion and pulling out the offending object.
"I help weeth props and costumes," explained Wolfgang, "Aleestair nod reallee haf heard een eet and lovlee, blond Shula beet down, so I help."
"Lovlee, blond Shula." Constanza fairly spat the name out.
"She doeeng costumes, so I lend hoof."
"Lend hoof," said Constanza from between tightly gritted teeth.
"Endeed," agreed Wolfgang, "Um, now you find needle, would you mind threadeeng eet? You won' belief time eet took….Constanza???"
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