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Listeners' Fantasies |
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Predee Polee (tunnels)
by Deb Z
 For a round up of recent events in Ambridge, you could read the daily . Or alternatively, see things though camelid eyes, in another despatch from the Fantasy Archers topic of The Archers message board.
"I theenk thad I shall nefer see, a theeng as lovlee as a tree," sang Wolfgang happily. He selected the gentian blue from his paint palette, made a few deft strokes, and sat back on his heels to admire his hoofiwork. "Mind you, thees does take some beadeeng, efen eef I say so myself!"
"Hmm," said Constanza, looking up from her intent study of a seed catalogue.
"I bed Leenda be todallee fooled by eet, and een anee case, the pollen on those flowers look so realeesteec thad she woan dare approach to eenvesteegade eet."
"I nod sure thad they haf theese type of budderfly een Eengland," remarked Constanza, "aneeway, certainlee nod thees earlee een year."
"Pooh!" replied Wolfgang dismissively, "nobodee know aneetheeng ‘boud them!"
"‘Cept Nigeel."
"Hokay, ‘cept heem ..."
"An’ Peep."
"Peep?"
"An’ maybee her leettle amiga, Izzee become beet eenterested een countree life. Howefer, I absolutlee certain thad there are no hummeeng birds flyeeng wild een thees countree."
"Arteesteec licence! Aneeway, whole poind of exercise eet to hide our poleetunnel from Leenda, to wheech end I haf camouflaged eet by wonderful trompe à l'œil!"
"You doan theenk eet easier to deesmandle eet?"
"Que?" exploded Wolfgang, "you gone todallee loca? Whad ‘boud my eggsotique hemp?"
"Eet seem to me to be takeeng ofer. When you gonna harvess eet?"
"Maybee I geef eet beet of pruneeng," said Wolfgang, carefully examining his plant, "I rood beet up and then we pud een strawberrees and raspberrees."
"An’ I can haf orcheeds. Juss look ad thees beauteeful peenk one een cadalogue ..."
"Verree eggspensife." Wolfgang tried to put an end to this trail of thought.
"You could offer eet to me for birthday," suggested Constanza, hopefully.
"Eendeed I could."
"Bud I can't seet here all afdernoon deescussing eet weeth you, I haf my leest," Constanza waved a piece of paper under Wolfgang's nose, "so now I go round veellage, see whad cuddeengs peeples can offer me ..."
"Doan go near Brookfeeld," warned Wolfgang, "nod unless you want Breetnee goieeng on an’ on, ‘boud how they nearlee drowned Caspian Preence! She bend my ear ofer eet for ten minutos thees morneeng."
"I make node of thad!"
"Also, I would avoid the Lodge - Ben nod too happee ‘boud way you Papa cadnapped heem - keeps showeeng me the bleesters on hees paws."
"Huh! Eet deedn't do heem anee harm. Leettle beet of eggsersise do heem good, he was geddeeng quide fad!"
"An’ I theenk eet bess to steer clear of Keeper's Cottage, unless you wan’ ged caughd up een quarrel ofer babee's name - Wald, Meetch and Bartleebee are nod talkeeng to each other."
"Why efer nod?"
"Weell, Wald say eet lovlee idea to name heem afder George, Bartlebee theenk he should be named afder José, and Meetch say he should be named for hees father."
"I thoughd he was?"
"Si, we know thad, bud ..."
"Aneewhere else no go area?"
Wolfgang thought for a moment or two. "Probably bess stay away from Kneel's new house, apparendlee he eenstalled boiler by heeself, so eet likelee to eggsplode anee time, oh an’ bee careful of Jaime Bellamee, juss teell I haf time to suss heem oud ..."
"Een brief, ees there anee where I can go?"
"Now, I glad you breeng thad up. Eef you passeeng Home Farm an’ you happen see Adam Maycee, maybee you could tell heem ‘boud our poleetunnel. You know, eet nod surprise me een leass eef he ask me go ofer paind hees for heem."
"Oh weethoud a doubd! Maybee he ask you do caravans also?"
"Bud naturellemente! Why I nod theenk of thad? Of course I paind hees wagons!"
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