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Listeners' Fantasies

Susan's Lament
by Jenny Darling

bucketSusan's excessive house-proudness inspired this contribution to the Fantasy Archers topic of The Archers message board.

Oh welcome to my little home it's very clean and new.
My husband put the fittings in
(The mat's there, just for you).
Please sit down - NOT THERE, but here,
The settee's just for show,
And put these poly bags onto
Your feet - the mud, you know.

A cup of tea, how common!
It's only coffee here,
With tiny ratafias
From Underwoods, they're dear!
Wait while I fetch the crumb tray
And the dinky little brush
To tidy up the mess you've made
You're sorry - oh, don't, hush!!

Please come out on the patio.
The gazebo will be there,
And over here, a grotto,
And a water feature here.
Where do I hang my washing?
Oh, nowhere, that's not nice,
I stick it in the tumbler
and it's all done in a trice.

You ask me what's that over there
All wrapped in cellophane,
It's Neil of course, and Christopher,
It's just to keep things clean!!

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