大象传媒

It was last week that Donald got a call from the Jobcentre in Stonoway advising him of a vacancy in Edinburgh. He was told his benefit would be stopped if he didn't attend and they enclosed a bus/ferry ticket. The interview turned out to be at Easter Road at a company called Hibernian who were looking for a manager. Donald was chuffed as he's never before considered himself management material. He felt the interview went OK but was disgusted when the job went to a foreigner - some guy called Mitsu Popeyelionel or some such. So disgusted was he that he went to the Jobcentre in Edinburgh to complain and they told him there was a smaller but similar job if he was prepared to move to Newcastle.
He was interviewed yesterday by some guy in a black and white striped shirt and they got on like a house on fire. Donald chanced his arm and came up with some radical plans and this Ashley cove who was doing the interviewing interviewing thought Donald's approach to be very refreshing.
Donald pointed out that the Newcastle players seem petrified when playing at home so he suggested they play all their home games at the Ness FC Stadium as it will be renamed. This will be a huge shot in the arm for B and B's in Ness and stimulate pie and oxo sales at the shops in Cross and Swainbost. It also means that St james Park can be sold raising 拢100million which can be spent on new players, some new nets and a PA system for the Ness ground. It will be forbidden for these new nets to be used for trapping salmon on the Dell River. The upshot is that Mr Ashley and Donald have shaken hands on a five year deal. Donald is facing a press conference this afternoon and hopes to unveil Jeremy Godwin as his new coach and emporioalanjohn as new sponsors since Northern Rock doesn't fit Donald's new vision. Ian Gordon MacDonald a local Class 1 referee will preside over all the matches and the club bar will be renamed Shearer's with some photos of the Fank and some local shepherds gracing the walls for extra atmosphere. An acre of land will be purchased in Fivepenny to build a trophy room. So Newcastle United are on the move -Look out Lochs FC - Donald could be coming for for your best players during the transfer window.
Your man on the terraces with the bobble hat and Pukka Pie