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Classified Ads - 30/04/07

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Fraser McAlpine | 17:52 UK time, Monday, 30 April 2007




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INDIE BANDS!
GOT THE HORN? I HAVE!
-------------------
It's lubricated, and has a
great big bell at the end.

You won't believe the difference a little puff can make.
Mark 'Dr Horns' Ronson

-------------------
LOST: ADDRESS BOOK
-------------------
It's black leather, and...

Oh yeah RIGHT!
Like TIMBALAND calls
people HIMSELF.
PEOPLE CALL ME, BABY!

Ha ha ha ha!



-------------------
FOR SALE:
FRIDGE
-------------------
Unwanted appliance.
Heart does the job
instead. Using lungs
as champagne bucket.

Omarion
(The Human Kitchen)

-------------------
ADVICE NEEDED
-------------------
It's always the same.
First date, great. Second
date, magical. Third date,
M-Hum Mmm-mmm Hmm.
He runs to hills.
What am I doing wrong?

Natasha (In bed. In field)



-------------------
RELEASE YOUR
INNER BULLY
-------------------
Simple exercises.
Pays for itself (in time). Specialities: NastyGolf, Boyfriend theft...

Call Evil Lavigne, and
bring my homework, OK??

-------------------
HELP ME, I'M DESPERATE!
-------------------
I heard this great song
today, and I don't know
who it's by. It goes
"Beyonce, Beyonce"
and then
"Shakira, Shakira"...

Or something similar...



-------------------
WANTED: BIG WELCOME!
-------------------
HEEY! It's US!
WE'RE BACK!
It's been AGES!
So where's the parade?
Where are the fireworks?
I dunno why we bother!

Rip Van Travis

-------------------
FOR SALE: UNIFORMS
-------------------
Navy blonde, navy
brunette, navy red-head,
and baby-blue rubber
hotpant suit.
Would suit wartime fetish drag-act. Fun for parties
Candyna Manguilera.



-------------------
URGENT PEST CONTROL
-------------------
We had 2 rabbit-humans
and a video to shoot.
Now we are swamped by
inbred bunnyman mutants.
Humane solutions, please.
Cold-showers ineffectual.
Groove Armada

-------------------
FOR GOODNESS' SAKE
-------------------
Kaiser Chiefs, Klaxons,
Keane, Kings Of Leon,
Killers, Kooks, Kasabian...
Notice a theme?

K is NOT SPECIAL, 'K?

Kylie



-------------------
WANTED: A DRINKIE
-------------------
Whose round is it?
Is it yours? Is it?
Yours? Hmm?
I'll fight anyone in
here for a quid...
Amy Wi...NO.
JOSS STONE (heheheh)

-------------------
SALE: MORE UNIFORMS
-------------------
Tiny skirts, tiny tunics,
tiny shoes, thongs.
(Calabrian army colours)
Would suit touring oompa-loompa brass band
(thongs as tiny hammocks)
Call A for little boxful..



-------------------
FREE LEAFLET:
-------------------
'Fall Out Boy's Guide To
Living With Vowel Cancer'.

How to cope when your
letters disappear and your
words fall apart.

Cll Pt, lk, rlly rlly qckly.

-------------------
PERSONALS: TO SIMON
-------------------
Everyone says my song is
about you. But is it?
Eh?
Is it though?
I mean, is it really?

Yes.
Gray Skelly


Previous Issues...

Comments

  1. At 11:04 PM on 02 May 2007, Kerri wrote:

    this blog has been a great success, i see you have your hands full with all the many comments! better luck next time yeah

    [I think people are too busy ringing up to try and get those Oompa-Loompa hammocks to comment. - Fraser]

  2. At 09:44 AM on 03 May 2007, wrote:

    Some of them are funny, but some of the others are bad in a way that steals the others' funny and runs away with it..

  3. At 07:45 PM on 03 May 2007, Kerri wrote:

    Oompa-Loompa hammocks?? wat?

    [See? OH SO QUICK to criticise...but you didn't read it properly, didja? Bah! ;-) -Fraser]

  4. At 08:22 PM on 03 May 2007, Kerri wrote:

    ahh i get ya, i read it when u 1st posted it, but thought id seen better so i didnt comment but came back yesterday and felt sorry for you as you had no comments so i thought id write you one. see, im nice :) you must have gotten seriously short of ideas when u decided to do this blog though right?

    [Nope. - Fraser]

  5. At 08:50 PM on 03 May 2007, Kerri wrote:

    ok, its just that in my opinion this one lacks the usual quality. no offence meant though, the high quality must be tough to maintain, this prooves it (i think).

This post is closed to new comments.

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