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Giggs - 'Look What The Cat Dragged In'

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Fraser McAlpine | 10:33 UK time, Tuesday, 8 June 2010

Giggs

FINALLY! We've been waiting for this for YEARS. Y'know how people of a certain age have a problem with hip hop unless it is by either Run DMC/Aerosmith or the Beastie Boys? And y'know how a good deal of that problem is to do with not being able to understand what rappers are on about because they often gabble and shout instead of enunciating their words in a slow and clear manner? Well here comes Giggs, the answer to their prayers.

Listen to him speak! Each line coming out slow and clear and carefully pronounced, so as to maximise impact and understanding. Each syllable balanced and finely-honed for aural pleasure.

He could be delivering a lecture to members of the WI, they'd understand every word.

Incidentally, if the Women's Institute were advertising an evening of games on a certain Nintendo games console, do you spose their posters would read: "Come In And Have A WI-Wii"?

No. Clearly not.

Of course, with every great breakthrough comes a fresh set of new problems. In this case, hearing everything that Giggs has to say does rather create fresh scope for outcry. I mean if you were to take a rapper like Akala, a man who is often described as performing Conscious Rap, Giggs is the opposite. Unconscious, bordering on comatose.

(Which is why there is no video.)

Imagine the faces of the ladies of the WI when snoozy ol' Giggsy blasts out that line about which part of a lady he likes the best. Or the one about his "chopstick". The carpet will be thick with biscuit splutter, dotted around lakes of spilled tea. And the air thickened with cries of "how DARE you!" and "show some RESPECT!"

Yes, there will be some sympathy at his claims to have diabetes, there may even be leaflets on how best to manage your diet, but in general, this new-found hip hop clarity will result in nothing but a stampede for the door, in carpet slippers.

Back to the drawing board, rappers. We'll get there in the end...

Three starsDownload: Out now


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(Fraser McAlpine)

"Would anyone else of liked to have seen him join in with the dancing in this vid??"

"From the first time I heard this I knew it was going to be a hit."

"I should stop with the exclamation marks, but I'm so :)"

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