FINGERS ARE A JUMPIN' ALL OVER THE PLACE.
Hi guys, how the d. are youi, so Tiger's had a
little girl cub. Ahhhhhhh, what odds for her to win her first major beofre she's twenty five and how worried is MICHELLE WEI ?
Also how relieved are all the little golfing boys that he and his lovely Missus had a baby girl ?
So, did the baby jump or was she pushed ? Four weeks early means Tiger's all set to appear at the Open this year in Carnoustie. Something that prior to her appearence was in some doubt.
If he wins we know it will all be about her and why not ?
Last year tears over the loss of his dad, this year more tears over his new ickle baby girl. It seems like the stage is set and the script half writ.' I'm off down to the bookies right now.
Nick Ross has announced he's leaving CRIMEWATCH, why, I have no idea. he always seems so happy amongst his mysteries.. What's the guy going to do ? Will his leaving bash be held at Sout Mimms Serv ice station, it's every move caught on the most famous or infamous CCTV cameras in the land. How thick are thieves by the way ?, they still try to Rob South mimms even though it takes the starring role of C- WATCH at leats once every six months.
had an injection in my botty yesterday. injections, like many other things, even when in the rump, are one of the instances i've come to acept as i have aged in years. The doctor's used to scare me to death but not any more no way, I'm up for any test, no matter how ominous, bring 'em on that's what i say.
Sticky in London today but in all the right places. ha ha.
Gotta go guys, got a show to bolt together.
TA DA
CHRIS L. P. 2007
x.
Comments
Christoffe you brave little soldier.
Don't talk to me about the needles in the botty. I'm just back from sunny Southport where my dentist, Mister Sweeney Todd of Birkdale, administered said implement of torture at t'other end and proceeded to fasten me into the body bag, strap me down into Old Sparky, fill me gob with roof laggin' and garden implements, and then ask me probing questions about the daughter's recent Hole-in-One before throwin' the switch.
Next time I go I'm shavin' me head and changin' me name to Gary Gilmore. Mind you I'm beamin' like I've just bin' throttled and have gnashers like a row of mint imperials so all is well.
And EmM. Yes I'm sure the lovely Minnie Evans was, IS, a yummy mummy with her last-born son. We're not all that lucky as you rightly say. Mine is a little sweetheart but just to give you some idea of what I've had to contend with, some weeks ago I was sitting on the sofa with her, watching some quiz show. As I proceeded to answer the questions, becoming increasingly difficult and obscure, she turned to me, looked me squarely in the eye and declared, "You know what. You must've bin quite clever at school and none of us realised.." "What...?" says I, incredulous at this insult, "What about my First Class Honours Degree for instance?" when she added, "Ah well, that was just in Art though wasn't it. We all just thought you was daft."
Hahahaha bloody bless her. Out of the mouths of babes and Old Trouts.....
See. In the end we have to believe in OURSELVES. And in our Genius daughters too of course. Especially when they're Hole-in-One golfers, hurrah!!!
Clodagh.x
what was the injection for chris?! thats the one place i would not like to be injected! (was that rude?)
The sun is shinning today, yippee, whoo hoo! not much to say today and i really need a bath or shower, anything! so will say goodbye and go listen to chris while i wash my hair, missy xx
Hello Chris
Sooooo good to have you back xx Your holiday sounds great, pleased you both had a lovely time!
An injection in the botty ouch!
Hooray to Hazel Love for having her txt read out xx
CtD - Pleased you had a great holiday, and lovely to have you back too. I know I'm a bit late saying hello but I did have a wee break myself and it's been mad at work so this is me just getting a chance to say hello :0)
MfR - I hope you and Mrs MfR are having a fab road trip xx
Hello to all the bloggers, hope you are all well xx
Mary xx
yes sticky in bristol today too, but now as I write and type this message, it's raining hard and there's loud thunder and lightning around.. wow I love it when there's a storm..
Nick maybe leaving C-WATCH, but what about Lesley Douglas becoming the Beeb's head of Music! - now that gotta be a good thing!
Ouch Chris! - a needle in the botty, bet that was a pain in the ar*e! haha ;)
So it appears you have a new C4 show? shame you think I'm like an uncle that you don't really like but have to be nice too! as I could be useful if it's music based!
J Boy
have just been listening to the show and used the word WE a lot chris, are you sure you aren't marrying the lady golfer?!!! or is it girl on the sofa, we love her!!!!
Hi Chris, got to listen to your show today after two months of working seriously long hours in my new job. Being off sick was made infinitely better by hearing your Vito Corleone impression. did you know the meeting speech off by heart or was it written down. If the former, please accept my fellow Warringtonian hand in marriage, you truly rock!
I'm kind of behind the times on the blog. But fresh from Majorca and the tall ships races. Oh I would die to live there.
But back to England,on a flight with screaming kids on board, like travelling in a Zoo for wild animals.
And the womqn i front asking if my duty free bag, under her seat might be a bomb ... whatever.
Howya girls.
I've just watched Gok Wan on his How To Look Good Naked, Ch.4, and can I reiterate what I've said before, which is that he beats Tranny and BagaSpanners hands down in the quest to rid us girls of our bodily dismorphic demons. The man is a hero.
The whole concept of his show is to embrace what we have instead of chasing what can never be possible, namely this ridiculous Size Zero nonsense.
I'm speaking as one who has beaten herself up for years over her appearance, whilst at the same time looking at others with nothing approaching the same criticism. In fact, ask me who I'd swap places with in the looks department and I'd say Nigella Lawson, the woman is bloody gorgeous. Dawn French. Fanfeckintastic. Jo Brand even; she might send herself up something rotten but she's one sexy mother as far as I'm concerned.
And don't talk to me about Victoria Beckham. In the words of the ex-husband as directed at my good self when I got a bit carried away on a grapefruit and self-flagellation diet, she "needs to get some meat pie down he neck. If she'd been a pigeon she'd have had her neck wrung by now."
It's so refreshing to see real women, nay older women, strutting their stuff and proud of it. There's something about Tranny and Spanny that's slightly disdainful about their victims, as if they share some magic Fashion Secret that us lesser mortals cannot be party to. And as for that mad, Prada-bespectacled blonde bird, Nicky Shambleton Bones, with her 50 grand's worth of liposuction, sandblasting and cosmetic dentistry remeniscent of Red Rum, what's that all about. 10 Years Younger? 20 Grand Lighter I'd say.
It's the same with men. What makes an attractive man. Forget the six-pack. I'd climb over Brad Pitt any day to get to our big daft ginga CLP, and I know I'm not alone huh girls...
So here's to Gok. Top man. More of him, please.
Clodagh.x
Morning smorning!
What a rainy night it has been here - and continues to be...can you believe that we're nearly at the longest day and knee high in rain?! Eh?!
One thing I can't get used to at the moment is that it's still bright at 10pm - in fact, by 11.30pm there's still a flicker of light in the sky, I wonder if the country is floating north??
Bit worried at the moment as the International Space Station can be seen from my back garden...if I can see that, can they see me..? Better draw the curtains..........
Anyways, enough ramblings for now....
Tickle xx
PS - Clodagh - completely agree with you, on the real woman (and men) stance. Let's have more of it! Walking stick insects do nothing for me!
PPS - Hazel - wowie, the text got read out yesterday. You should have your own slot next, Hazel's Corner....
Good Hump Day to one and all
..and thank you, MWK, for noticing my second of fame, and thank you very much Christophe for reading it out! The timing coincided perfectly with me switching off the hoover. (Other dust sucking monstronsities available)
I was indeed very hot and extremely sweaty, packing shoes at the time...anyone who knows me knows my shoes...
Anyhoo, as the life of myself and the boy goes, about two minutes after CLP pronounced that very missive, I received a telephonic communication with that very boy, and it would appear that the lady who is movin art, can't quite yet, so we may not be movin til next week. Still, more time to procrastinate about what to pack next. Just wanna get DONE and GORN! I know about the frustrations of moving, we've done it about 5 times in the past two years, but it never gets any better does it!
...as they say in a minimalist house...watch this space!
So, Christophe, d'you think Tiger'll get his little girlie a Mini Driver for a Christening gift?
clacket lane
love
hazel
x
ps I once had an injection in the costa brava.
Clodagh - couldn't agree more with you about Gok, he is just a little honey and the way he makes these women feel good about themselves is just lovely - what I've always wondered is, why do people have to be so cruel to eachother? If everyone tried to make eachother feel good, the world would be a happier place. I have a group of friends (male and female) whose favourite pastime is bitching about other people (me included when I'm not there, I expect). I hate it, it really upsets me. We all love a little gossip, but I hate unkindness for the sake if it. Catch you at 5.
Em xx
Morning all.
Clodagh, I'm with you on Gok too - I think he's brilliant - no tricks, no nastiness, just a gentle coaxing into showing every woman how beautiful she can be no matter what shape she is. Genius.
CLP - asking permission from 'er indoors to go to a pub??????? This MUST be serious!!!!!
xxxxx
Good Hump Day to one and all
..and thank you, MWK, for noticing my second of fame, and thank you very much Christophe for reading it out! The timing coincided perfectly with me switching off the hoover. (Other dust sucking monstronsities available)
I was indeed very hot and extremely sweaty, packing shoes at the time...anyone who knows me knows my shoes...
Anyhoo, as the life of myself and the boy goes, about two minutes after CLP pronounced that very missive, I received a telephonic communication with that very boy, and it would appear that the lady who is movin art, can't quite yet, so we may not be movin til next week. Still, more time to procrastinate about what to pack next. Just wanna get DONE and GORN! I know about the frustrations of moving, we've done it about 5 times in the past two years, but it never gets any better does it!
...as they say in a minimalist house...watch this space!
So, Christophe, d'you think Tiger'll get his little girlie a Mini Driver for a Christening gift?
clacket lane
love
hazel
x
ps I once had an injection in the costa brava.
Yo CLP & ALL Blog Dudes,
Bingo Star ere.
'Owes ert goin' Guten - YES - that sound most spiffingly guten ter me blog friends!
Christoff what a coinincidence the Tiger 'avin' a cub. I was only mentioning 'im on me comment yesterday and I didn.t know he had had a little one. Well not him sorry, his wife. You know what am tryin' ter say.
I've only just learn't it reading your blog now Chris man.
BIG CONGRATULATIONS TO TIGER & HIS WIFE!!!
Talking of Michelle Wie wots appened to her. I thought she was going ter be the new Tiger but of womens golf. I remember seeing her play at Birkdale two years ago. You can learn alot watching the women play. Their swings are alot slower but they still hit it 300 - DAMMMMMN YOU!!
Aye CLP - I've got a small complaint ere with all your fellow broadcasters. While you've been away they 'ave ruined our summer.
The Rihana, Umbrella tune. The Bruce, Wrightie, Jezza Vine, Sir Terrance Logan sorry Wogan and The Maconie ave all been playing this tune none stop and since it's never stopped raining.
Is this some kind of rain dance tune. Atleast we won't ave a drought, only a drought of sun!!!
CLP maybe you can readdress the balance by playing some WROCK and bring us our summer back!
Mind you the Rihana tune very good tune. Oh what the 'eck i'll get a boat ter get ter work in.
Anychance of playing Rihana - Umbrella. Spiffing tune!
Chow!!!
PS I wrekon the Enrigue will be No1 this Sunday!!!
The ping pong tune- very good tune. Chow!
Hi Chris (and everyone)
Good to have you back - a fortnight is SUCH a long time in Radio Land.
Heard a lot of the show last night and it was just great. At one point though I only just managed to hear you say something to the effect that in order to go somewhere, you would have to "ask permission" to leave the house! Very interesting! Sounds like you've got it bad .... and that ain't good! (parody of a Frank Sinatra song!)
C xx
P.S. MWK - great to see you on the blog!
Firstly I am not from a hair company. I work in IT?
I did write a mail though have just seen this part of your page. On your programme a young lady spoke about hair care, although some items mentioned are correct clear facts need to be put forward. ( That sounds serious)
The whole body is covered with a cloak of natural oils, this is called the acid mantle. The acid mantle has a pH of between 4.5 and 5.5 on the pH chart this means it is acidic. The pH chart starts at 0 through to 15, neutral is pH 9. The acid mantle keeps in the natural oils secreted by our glands that help to keep our skin supple, prevents wrinkles. Elasticity. When the acid mantle is stripped our skin becomes dry. (Wow simple)
Normal cleansers are made from fats boiled in alkaline, so some cleansers are of an alkaline nature. Anything alkaline strips off the acid mantle, examples when you shave your skin becomes dry and soar. (see now you know why you need cream after you shave)
The hair is covered with cuticles, like fish scales with points upwards or away from the head. These cuticles protect the hair from damage. When you back comb hair you make these scales go back the other way and tangle with each other making the hair look thicker, which can give you height. (Stay with me it gets better.) The scalp also has natural oils, acid mantle, this is secreted on each hair keeping the cuticle flat, shinny hair. Plenty of brushing equals shinny hair. Now to the point, if the hair is squeaky it means that the cuticle is raised causing the squeaky sound. It is not the sound of healthy hair. (See I told you we will get to the point) Always look for products that have a pH of 4.5 to 5.5 then you will keep your hair, skin in perfect condition. J
Et voila! We are getting the keys next Wednesday. We will be moving in gradually from then and officially next Saturday, 30th. That is a definite, hoorah! Packing now begins in earnest. And in boxes obviously.
Tickle, thank you my friend! I'd LOVE a corner! However, if you ask most of my friends, they reckon I already have one...a nice padded comfortable one...
Lovely Prof, glad you had good hols! I trust your crew were suitably burly? I mean on the ship...bit tough finding a burly crew flying out of BOH...probably more curly...or wurly...did you go on a helicopter?
the tooth is out there
love
hazel
x
ps Tickle, log on to their website...and see if you can see the back of your head looking at your computer...type in something like 'Four down?' and if you get an answer appear on your screen...you know they are watching you. If not, try another clue.
Yo Christoff & ALL Blog Dudes.
Bingo Star ere again.
I've forgot to mention about what i've been meaning ter mention about mentioning for a while. So CLP as you are back from your hols I'll mention what I wanted ter mention.
Yer know on the 8th May blog - comment 7 I mentioned about a share tip - TANFIELD GROUP.
Since then it's gone up today hitting 176p.
It was 134p when I tipped the baby. That's a 30% gain friend!!! YYEEEESSSSS!
What am tryin' ter say is anyone out there who dabbles on the stockmarket- Tanfield is the baby at the mo.
I read at the weekend in one of the excellent share magazines I buy every week that Tanfield's broker has put a 250p price target on it. And now Royal Mail are testing it's electric vans too.
CLP I know you invest on the markets - I'm 99% sure this baby is going ter fly. Maybe it's share price could be 500p in a year or two.
Who knows but i'd advise anyone into shares as I did the 8th of May- check it out blog friends.
No guarantees it will go up. I mean the Dow could break over the summer and bring the whole market down but I don't think so.
Sorry to bore any none investors out there.
Bye for now CLP & Blog friends- Chow!
Morning one and all
How clever of Christophe to blog at 4.27 two days running. Wonder if that will be arrival time today?
Interminable team meeting with decisions made and then ignored - ho hum.
Mange Tout xx
You mentioned last night in brief a reference to harpist's...
The only harpist I have come across was a stunning blonde lady I came across was in a hotel foyer London city centre,
I was working for a company that was installing a Jewellery boutique window. Anyhow upon arrival the beautiful sounds were emanating around the foyer, not being very music I was still astounded by the classical rhythm blah blah blah… Then our installers came across a wee problem with a 3.5m length of 3mm thick mild steel…
We asked for access to the parking area…denied….a place in the approach loop….denied …so we had to cut the full length of the angle in the shop which only had a 6mm plywood outer facing between us and the foyer. The jigsaw went through 5 blades & we needed to stop to put in earplugs as we were producing 90+dB which resonated due to the steel plated walls…. 20minutes later the job was done & I had to leave to catch my train home….
When leaving the harpist was still playing but with a bright red face…
She gave me a look only a woman can give so I legged it… The foyer still had approx 20 people in it all too polite to say anything & the concierge looked as if he was going to blow.
Now I do my utmost to avoid harpist just in case they have spread the word & have a contract out on me.
Hey Ho Bloggers - it's HUMP day already!
HL - I almost dropped me poussins in excitement last night when CLP read you out on air! Go sister!!!!
We had fab storms in Suffolk last night, although my poor little lady-cat would tend to disagree as she was terrified! The lightning did justice to any man-made special effects. At one point there were forks going across the sky - the likes of which we've not seen for yonks. Rain Rain Rain. How it rained. Bet we still get a hosepipe ban tho!
It played havoc with my broadband too, y'know.
So here I am today at work trying to organise the firms summer bbq. Being a newbie here I'm still finding my way but my main challenge at the time of writing is finding an affordable steel band - bit of a big ask in rural Essex, y'know! If any bloggers have any recommendations ...
Quite excited about tonight's telly. Most of you regulars will know of my obsession with Russell Brand and tonight he's on a drama thingy where he plays a creepy, greeby stalker type - a far cry from the snake-hipped, big haired ligger I've come to daydream over .... oh well!
And Clodagh, you are SO right about Gok. I'm no size 00 (a healthy size 20 actually) and watching Gok makes me feel fantastic about myself. I'm usually quite confident anyway, but HATE buying clothes, always SKIP fashion pages in magazines and really do my own thing. Gok for Prime Minister, I say!
As yesterday Tuesday, it was Heat day. As always, I scanned the contents column to see who Torso Of the Week is this week and was smiling when it said "Chris Evans". Hurriedly flicking to page 60, it was some post-teenage whipper-snapper (almost illegal for a 38 year old!) who I've never seen before in my life. Ever. Ah well, CLP for Torso Of The Week in the future eh??!
Better fly me lovelies - will check back later if old mother time permits!
CtD x x
PS: Lee Mead would also make a great Torsi Of The Week, mefinx !!
Gooday
I am a size zeroish does that mean I am banned from the blog?
Just been a judge in the school's version of the x factor, oh god i don't know how Simon Cowell does it! We had little girls crying when they didn't get through, judges crying (including me) when people sang really well, flippin heck, never again.
Em xx
CtD - quickie...call your local theatre or someone local who may have held a summer festival or similar, and they probably have info regarding steel bands...they may be no good or they may be superb, but it'll save you ringing from calling round every number in the phone book!
Pauvre petits oiseaux
love
hazel
x
Cheers HL - I'm on the case, as we speak!
CtD x x
Marlene.
Course you're not banned. I'm only a trial size meself, the point is that we're ALL gorgeous until we start all that body dysmorphia nonsense, then we're very boring and ugly.
We need to learn to laugh at ourselves more and count our blessings girls, that's all. And boys too. And God knows, you boys have more to laugh at naked than we girlies do bless the lot of yous. Hurrah!
Clodagh.xx
EmM #24 - oh, I do sympathise. It's just a nightmare to have to stamp on someone's dream. But, them's the breaks and when we get into ANYTHING competitve, that's how it goes!
You did what was asked of you, but oh boy, it's difficult to tell anyone "thanks, but you didn't make it". Please don't feel too bad!
C xx
Hi all,
I've not been about much lately, but seem to be back firmly stuck to my ruddy desk now, so may be able to join in more often.
Just a note re: jabs in bot. I have to have a bot jab on a regular basis, the nurses that administer it are superb. The deal is stand (obviously, it makes it real tricky to jab your bot if your sat on it) lean slightly forward (weight on arms)on the bed thingy then raise the leg that owns the cheek that is about to be stabbed - works every time, just incase you need to have another.
I wouldn't recomend going back just to see if this theory works, but remember next time.
Oh well thats all from my helpful hint on having yer bum stabbed!
Take care
Nicki