I'M THE WORST DRIVER IN OUR HOUSE.
Here's how it's happened...
... It's time to fess up.
I have for a while now employed the services of a full time driver. My life is crazy, parking in London is almost impossible, cabs cost a fortune, so does the train, let's face it I've got a few quid and it means I can get so much done whilst travelling during the three hours plus minimum I spend on the road every day. However something has happened to my own driving recently and it was only last night I realised what was going on.
I have started to get terribly lost on even the shortest of journeys whenit's me that's at the wheel. Last night I picked my car up from a pals in Ascot, it had been having some work done, I ended up taking the wrong turning back four times ! Actually it wasn't so much I took the wrong turning, it was more that I didn't bother to turn at all. I just carried on driving in whichever the biggest part of the road was pointing A journey that should have led me south east and taken half an hour had me heading back for London and eventualy taking one hour and twenty minutes.
I realised that I have completely stopped paying attention to road directions, it was hilarious, it was like I'd lost the abiltiy to turn the steering wheel. I told my wife all this when I finally arrived home at a quarter to eleven ! She was not surprised at all and added that she'd noticed for a while and that most times recently when we've been out together and I've been driving she has had to constantly tell me where to turn and change lane - even on the most regular of journeys.
Is this truly being "lost" in showbiz ?
Haven't stopped giggling about it all day.
CLP.
2008.
X.
Comments
You're not alone Christophe
I think it's something to do with getting old!! Once you're in your forties it's just harder to concentrate. I find that I'm so much more easily distracted. I can barely have a simple conversation in the car these days without missing a turn.
I must admit, until your post, I was blaming our move to the countryside a couple of years ago. I thought I was just out of practice from 'real' driving in the city. Nope! We're just getting old!
Cheer up though Chris, you've still got 25 days of being 41
PeeBee
No - This is just a man thing.
Many the time we set off for Edinburgh (from the opposite side of Scotland), and ended up in Carlisle!
Men just don't want to turn corners if they are on a straight bit of road.
They don't like bendy things!
Good job I quite like Carlisle!
DWNB
CLP
It sounds like you need to touch reality now and again hope you dont start taking the wrong route when you are flying otherwise you could end up in all sorts of trouble
Bet your good lady ends up driving most of the time due to frustration of having to keep telling you where to go
Hiya CLP what happened to the motor bike then?
A few orienteering/navigation runs in the car at the weekends should put you back in the swing.
Get an ordnance survey map - get Tasha to set the end location and you have to get yourself there - preferably with some sort of refreshment at the end of the route and you will have fun and get your navigation skills back - have noticed people who have a reliance on satnavs do the same.
Ciao
Phoenix
I sense a theme for this evenings show . .
We're on a road to nowhere - Talking Heads
Lost in France - Kirsy McCall . .
etc etc ..
DTM x
Wow!
Sleep Apnea and Alzheimers come to mind or may be it is just cloud cuckoo land?
Can we please know what you drive or rather what colour your RR/Bentley/Ferrari is so we can avoid you
Just be careful!!
Hiya CLP what happened to the motor bike then?
A few orienteering/navigation runs in the car at the weekends should put you back in the swing.
Get an ordnance survey map - get Tasha to set the end location and you have to get yourself there - preferably with some sort of refreshment at the end of the route and you will have fun and get your navigation skills back - have noticed people who have a reliance on satnavs do the same.
Ciao
Phoenix
You know what Christophe....
(sounds ominous!!!)
You are by far the most genuine and honest fella I've not had the fortune to meet. I check this blog everyday and catch your show whenever I can.
Without a doubt it 100% nourish my life to the fullest. I love your stories about life, you life, our lives. They make me smile everyday!
I had a conversation with a pal of mine whilst in the pub and we spoke about people (famous or not) we would most like to accidently bump into in the pub and buy a drink... names flew back and forth and after some thought, we both put you a top of the list with Ewan McGregor/Charlie Boorman next bumpies!
Do you have a list of people you'd most like to bump into.... etc etc
Top show Team, please please keep it up & more!
toby
I hate to be pedantick but wasnt it Bonny Tyler who sang lost in france not kirsty macCol
everyone tease me about my directions and my driving chris so join the club
Sorry for the duplicates got 502'd
enjoy your hump evenings I'm off to an AGM... at the lifeboat college - whatho
Phoenix
Hi Chris
Sat Nav. Takes the fun out of driving but you get where you want to be.
Anne x
Guten Haben one and all
I must say I have never really liked driving too much. I have to know where I am going as I miss sign posts. I hate parking seldom use reverse and once crashed my car listening to Jeremy Vine.
Well you see, he had on a woman who had become a man. She had been an attractive long blonde haired woman who was now proud the be a middle aged balding man, whatever. But, it was the voice it sounded just like Cathrine Tates character that did it (How very dare you). Anyway next minute missed the driveway and hit a wall.
Clodagh I just lie about my age!
Toodle oo
Hi Chris,
You're not alone - my lovely husband Russell still needs me to give him directions to places we've been to many, many times. Not only that, but he has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what the names are of any of the roads he drives down on a daily basis.
Consequently, one day, when he felt adventurous and took a different route somewhere, he had to phone me in work for instructions on how to get home - which I wasn't able to help him with as he didn't know the name of the road he was on and couldn't tell me how he got there.
So it's not just you! Good job I love him!
Jo x
I suffer from that and I am a taxi driver. Simple answer is buy a satnav. Garmin nuvi 660 does your phone, your Ipod, your holiday snaps and finds hotels for you when is a strange country. Just what a busy DJ needs lol
JK nonegreen
Hey Janey
Your right!!!
Humblest apologies . .
DtM x
Hi Chris
You should try what I have done. I was bought a TomTom GPS for christmas. This has transformed my driving and my journeys. I now never get lost and, as the GPS tells me when I will arrive, I am never late as I can phone ahead in confidence that I will be arrive at the time I tell them. I have also been on roads that I never knew existed. It is great fun - when there is a traffic problem the GPS automatically calculates a new route and off you go. You just have to have total trust and follow. However if you miss a turn it just calculates again and off you go again.
You don't need to worry about where you are going just believe and you will get there. All of a sudden traffic problems are now awaited with great anticipation to see what route you will be told to take and what new places you will find yourself exploring. Driving has become fun again. Try it - its buzzz
as a driver of a very large truck....its not always easy this driving lark
CLP that is so funny, using satnav does exactly the same thing to you as having a driver (I can only presume of course). My designated driver is Mr Debbie and I usually hang on for dear life when he drives.
Your brain switches off and just reacts to orders with satnav. I find that if I drive somewhere new without satnav there is a good chance that I will remember the way again. If I use satnav, no chance. I won't recognise anything.
Elm, congratulations to you both that's great news! x
All this talking about dolls is bringing the memories flooding back. Didn't 'tiny tears' wee when you squeezed her tummy? Did anyone have one of those 'girls world' dolls? It was basically a barbie head that you could put make up on and style it's hair.
Must go, one child is now sleeping, the other happily texting in his room and Mr Debbie tidying the garage. Peace at last!!!
Love
Debbie x x
Come the dawn of the day I have to have Sat Nav I shall direct it straight to Beachy Head and then carry on straight.
I've never bin told what to do in me life and I'm buggered if I'm goin' to let me car do it. I used to date a chap whose car thrust the seat belt out at me and instructed me to Faarsten my seatbelt immediately, and it used to incite me to a fury and made me want to head-butt it. In fact it wound me up that much I binned the driver.
Plus it's when you get hideously lost that you discover the best places. I'd have never found that little chapel in Termonfeckin if I hadn't taken a wrong turn at Drogheda with the GBF Damian, the worst map reader in the world save for that chap with 'is canoe. If we hadn't stopped for a wee and some petrol I'd have never realised he had the thing upside down and we'd have ended up in Portrush, bless 'im.
That's life, see. It's What Happens To You While You're Busy Plannin' Other Routes.
Clodagh.xx
love the blog...it's like having a new best friend who splurges 'stuff' as randomly as me. Thanksxxx
Chris, some people are born to drive and some people are born to be driven. You've found yourself in the latter camp with me - enjoy!!
This'll be my last post 'til next week - I'm off work for a few days to celebrate my birthday so Chris, I was wondering, could I submit my ARF request early? As it's my birthday and all, could I request Cracklin' Rosie by Neil Diamond please?
See you next week x
Don't go down the Sat Nav Route.
I argue with it, and deliberately go the wrong way just to make it say "at the first available opportunity turn around".
It takes me ten times longer to reach my destination, added to which I'm a danger on the road, because I turn my head to speak to it.
Very Evil.
Just have a woman, in the car with you at all times. (Women - you can drive alone)
DWNB
Chris,
Your lucky to have this problem,
You see it as your better half helping you giving you directions, My wife was born to do this.
I call it nagging, I travel 1000 miles a week about 20 of them with her, she still feels the need to navigate and instruct.
stay blinkered less stress.
thecake
I don't know, Chris, but you could be exhibiting signs of early onset senility (or Alzheimers') - not actually something to laugh about. Get yourself checked out Mate - they've found great results here in the U.S. with a drug called Aricept. (Those lovely little grey cells you have been merrily burning out over all these many years may be the reason for this lapse in brain function.) You're still too young to lose it completely - go see your physician.
RosieRoo: have a lovely birthday!
C xx
A propos of absolutely nowt....
This 'ere Good Wife Guide, circa 1955, ref. yesterday's show and the lovely picture just above the pair of juicy faggots on the home page.
1955 was the year I myself hacked my way into the world and let me tell yous there wasn't a lot of Tender Loving Wifeliness goin' on up 'ere in the North-West. Oh no.
I well remember my dear old Grandma's reaction when Granddad couldn't get the HP sauce out the bottle to pour on to his pie. "Give it 'ere," says she, whereupon she welted it sharply with a punch matched only by Frank Bruno, and Wallop. All over Granddad's glasses.
What made the incident all the sweeter was that Grandma calmly scraped said sauce off the glasses with his knife, splattered it on to his pie and replaced them on Granddad's nose.
Waste Not Want Not.
Clodagh.xx
Hi Chris,
You're not alone - my lovely husband Russell still needs me to give him directions to places we've been to many, many times. Not only that, but he has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what the names are of any of the roads he drives down on a daily basis.
Consequently, one day, when he felt adventurous and took a different route somewhere, he had to phone me in work for instructions on how to get home - which I wasn't able to help him with as he didn't know the name of the road he was on and couldn't tell me how he got there.
So it's not just you! Good job I love him!
Jo x
Hey Christoff
This isn't unusual, and the answer isn't technology . . . a sat nav system will probably send you even further afield and keep you on those big straight roads with white lines on. I find the easy answer is to stick to the country lanes, then you have to think about where you are going as there are no white lines to tell you where not to go . . .
Cheers
Bruce of Bristol
can't help you out with getting lost chris (or, more sensitively 'finding your way' -especially in showbusiness), but in the meantime, make your journey a bit more fun by checking out: www.me-mo.co.uk
Oh Dear Chris, you're suffering... something. Maybe you need a Sat Nav!? Actually, joking apart, you would find it helpful. As you dont listen to the radio, preffering to hear the engine purr, hearing the occassional voice gently telling you which road to take could be rather good. Oh and if your driver goes sick give me a call. I run my own chauffeur firm and i'm not that far from you. See my web site. ATB MG PS Greta radio show.