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Aahh poor PM, 15 minutes since news of his sickness was announced and still no well wishes...

Ok, I'll start the ball rolling...

Get Well Soon...missing you already.

Where I work we have to call in sick between eight and nine in the morning...

You know, Paper Monitor, in 2 years of reading your feature I've never seen you take a holiday. This leads me to believe that you're either a workoholic (in which case, no wonder you're ill), or you have an understudy waiting in the wings who could really have been whipped to cover for you in your hour of need. Are you just plugging for the sympathy vote?

...ah I'm too nice. Have some sympathy anyway.

So - too sick to monitor the papers, but not too sick to come into work and spread your germs around? I hope this doesn't result in the Caption Competition not being judged due to ensuring epidemic of man/womanflu?

Awwww... I've been trying to procrastinate all day and was really looking forward to having a couple of minutes to read the monitor. Not only are yesterday's letters disappointingly short (and distinctly lacking mine) but PM is pulling a sickie so that he can go and dance with Kristina Rihanoff. Oops, did I just let slide who John Sergeant's replacement is?

How terrible. My very best wishes for a speedy recovery. Things have got to a pretty pass when PM is so unwell that grammatical niceties like the difference between "due to" and "owing to" seem to have been forgotten.

Flu? Can we be sure you're not suffering Post Dramatic Stress following John Sergeant's withdrawal from Strictly? Get well soon.

Oh my deities! I think Paper Monitor is my husband!

Paper monitor is clearly not a contractor ...

I am sneezing and coughing at my desk today. Other more sensible colleagues have elected to work from home. Therefore, I am not feeling hugely sympathetic to Paper Monitor... but as my cold is reducing my attention span I need as many things on the internet to read as possible, so for purely selfish reasons I do indeed hope for a speedy return to monitoring form.

Hope you feel better soon PM - get a few Hot Toddies down you. Once they have taken effect you'll either feel better, or not care!!

Beta blockers (ß-blockers) protect against social anxiety

Aha! Man-flu!
At last we know the gender of PM! ;)

Get well soon PM.

Missing you already.

Things have gone to pot since you went home early with a touch of flu. There are no letters and someone has reversed the caption image.

I'd stay in bed until next week if I were you, there is some cold weather on the way.

There is an old superstition that its bad luck to come back to work the day after you have been off.

Get better soon!

Will chicken noodle soup help?

Oh no! PM, I TOLD you not to make out with me at the party last week, but you insisted, and now you've got my cold.

I recommend whisky, it cured me well, I'm hardly sniffling.

Ugh. Would have replied earlier, but I'm suffering with a head cold again today. Sniffle.

Hey PM,

Sorry to hear your poorly. You clearly forgot to get your jabs. Hope you feel better soon.

P.S.

The papers today were all about our favourite dancing pig.

Aw, PM, I do hope you feel better soon. It's been a rotten day all around, and even moreso without your witty commentary.

best wishes,
~a friend across the pond

P.M.you are best off at home as it is sneezy,oops breezy out there today..I toast to your getting better(from your cold not your witty patter) when I am at the pub dinnertime.Fancy a pint or a babycham ?they recommend keeping your fluid levels up with a cold..my excuse anyway

*runs into room with hot toddy.

Apologises at finding room already occupied.

Runs out of room with hot toddy*

Poor baby.
You go wrap up warm and I'll be over in an hour with some chicken soup and a movie.