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Two old men were sitting in deckchairs...

I'll pay to use them just as soon as I get my hand unstuck

Little did he know he was about to be slapped for getting fresh with the invisible woman

Charlie Dimmock built it for me - it's a decking-chair

I know stripes make a girl look slim, George, but you can't even see me in this

Darling, you are happy with me becoming a Morris dancer? Darling...

Of course I can relax - these are the cheapest seats in the West End

Although he was alone, he still wanted twice as much as the next man. That was problem of being a merchant banker.

It looked so calm and relaxing, but Jekyll Park was about to change character

Accountants practiced double entry even in their private lives.

George had a decidedly passive approach to dating

Mr Biggs displayed his alpha male dominance by sitting on Mr Deckchair and groping his wife.

Yeah, I backed out of The Apprentice after seeing the state of that toilet Alan Sugar comes out of in the boardroom

...mmm this deckchair almost feels like a real woman.

I'm saving it for a friend, will you be my friend?

After strap-hanging on the Underground all the way from Uxbridge, Harry just couldn't get his left arm to relax

Where are they now? Who cares.

"I'll be back in a minute Dave, someone's just put a window in at my house"...

MOD suit proves that confidential information is not easily obtained.

There was a young man from Devizes,
Who's deck chairs were two different sizes.
The left one was small,
Not worth mentioning at all
But the right one had won several prizes.

As Alan sank slowly into the Hyde Park bog, he began to realise why his deckchair was so much cheaper than the other

Unfortunately, Mavis was not around to hear Barry's comment about the weather. She had mysteriously disappeared. It would baffle scientists for years, much like the unexplained disappearance of the dinosaurs. One particular dinosaur, actually. And a little girl. Just last week, in fact..

Gordon Brown holds a meeting on the grounds of the Recession.

Captain John was an old deck-hand

The auctioneer's dream was of nice tall boy.

Yes, it's lovely and quiet here, except for alternate Saturdays when Arsenal are playing at home

That buy one get one free was a great idea. All I need now is someone to use it!

He had sat down to have a chat with his friend Jim, but what a fright Alan would have once he woke to glance at what he thought was in his hand

Isn't this a mighty fine way to spend our lunch hour, Harvey?

Suddenly, when everyone thought it was finally safe to relax for free in their deckchairs, he stood up, tore off his suit, and revealed himself as "Deckchair Attendant Man"

Thinking .... "On one hand I've got alot of time on my hands ...... and on the other I have a deck chair!"

Even superheroes need to relax every now and again

Listen, my twin sister may be laid back but if you don't remove your hand from my leg you will be sorry!

"England were 750 for 1 against Australia (Kevin Pietersen 440 not out) when I was disturbed from my last dream."

What do you mean, Harry, "Why is that odd little green alien pointing a strange-looking gun at me?"

When Sir Alan said take in as much as you can, I don't think he meant rays, I sure he meant money!

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

Come off it, Harry! I don't think you need worry about some silly sign that says "Anyone not paying for the use of a deckchair will be vaporised."

Spring has sprung but Mr Biggs is still hibernating from the deckchairs he set up in Autumn.

Parliamentary hopeful offered safe seat on the common.

Brian's Twitter feed was one of the dullest on the net.

Bankers used to have friends.

Banker finds complete lack of interest exhausting.

"If I let go it will disappear like it did last week!"

"Sorry, but its almost like a disease." George explained of his empty seat compulsion. "As you can imagine it costs me a fortune when flying."

Having sold their boardroom in a cost-cutting exercise, RBS's AGM is moved outdoors - still bloody boring though...

You know, since I started taking these garlic tablets, I feel so much more relaxed. What do you think? I said...

Findus Executive has a spare plaice and no soul to fillet

Police claim man killed by deckchair was a put-up job

Council Investment Chief rues his "Let's go to Iceland" Investment Plan

AIG company picnic - executive bonus area

When they said I was going to be a Chairman, this isn't what I had in mind!

In the real world Mr Mitty was just a dull accountant grinding out numbers in a dull depressing office but in his daydream..

Airport planners and environmentalists come to an agreement on the new Terminal Five departure lounge.

Having a sleep without dropping off.

Douglas Alexander would have some explaining to do if he couldn't get this taken off Street View.

I'll just relax and wait hear a while. I'm sure my huge pension will come along soon!

I'll just relax and wait here a while. I'm sure my huge pension will come along soon!


(Correct due to spelling mistake)

Summer stock production of Waiting for Godot

The MoD laptop's completely safe so long as I keep my hand on it.

After being offered some hand jam sandwich by a small child, a City businessman regrets asking "What's a hand jam?"

My parents normally sit in it, but it is far enough away from my main deckchair to fully justify my expenses claim for it.

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Bernard Madoff's friends were about as real as his investments.

Despite the exciting video, Gordon Brown was disappointed when his version of "Sex Bomb" failed to get into the charts.

And I wonder if you know, that I never understood, that
Although you said you'd go, until you did, I never thought you would.

This one's reserved for the big bloke from Spandau Ballet.

Chairman Of The Bored !

Work as a deckchair model can often be exhausting.

I'm saving this for my cash bonus...

The Feng shui has an immediate effect on the new Park arRanger

And I wonder if you know, that I never understood,
That although you said you'd go, until you did, I never thought you would

(correction)

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John was dreaming that he had his hand on Peg-Leg's thigh...

I take my deckchairs everywhere I go.They’re the best friends a man could have.

People say I’m mad but we just
ignore them don’t we Doris?

Life's a beach - unless you're in the park!

I take my deckchairs everywhere I go. They're the best friends a man could have.

People say I'm mad but we just ignore them, don't we Doris?

And then the music stopped, but the two last contestants decided instead to pitch a little woo behind the bandstand.

And here we see Parliament's standards commissioner, leaping into action to investigate MP's expense irregularities.

"It's nice out today" said David
"Is it?" said Simon, "I'll take mine out too" "David... David?"

A banker and his best friend sit down for a relaxing nap in Hyde Park.

Oh no, it's another Government Health and Safety film about the dangers of putting up a deckchair without proper protection

When he awoke, he would be surprised at just how far out the tide had gone

As an elderly lady approachd, Gerald mused that the old fake-arm-and-spurting-blood-trapped-in-a-deckchair trick had never failed

Having been charged for two, Harry was determined to get his money's worth

The Grandstand for High Wycombe vs Lepping-under-Mold annual charity cricket match was filling fast.

Unfortunately, Julius had ignored the warnings to beware the Hydes of March

All around the country people took advantage of the unexpected sunshine, while waiting for the ´óÏó´«Ã½ to sort out their technical issues with the Caption Competition website.

That's right Harvey, you just get your head down.

Harry wondered where his wife had got ... to ... until the deckchair beside him emitted a loud burp

Harry wondered where his wife had got to ... until the deckchair beside him emitted a loud burp

(correction)

Why the answer to "Does my bum look big in this?" should NEVER, EVER, be "Yes"

Unfortunately, Harry's friend couldn't afford a deckchair so had only paid for steerage (below decks)

Government body tasked with protecting British freedom and democracy from an unaccountable EU.

It's Posh and Decks!

"Deck chair, I like your attitude - you're hired!"

Celebrity News: Ashleep and Chair'll Fold pictured in The Sun again

The cause of last week's "Technical Problem" on the Caption Competition is uncovered...

Doctor Frankenstein was keeping the place for a fiend

The search for Sir Fred Goodwin's Apprentice continues; the first task - to secure a 100% mortgage on a deckchair in Hyde Park.