Caption Competition
Winning entries in the Caption Competition.
The competition is now closed.
This week, Dr Paul Morris demonstrates the distinctive moves often used by footballers who fake a fall during a match.
Thanks to all who entered. The prize of a double helping of kudos - to mark the 100th caption comp - to the following:
6. LaurenceLane
To save you from having to read the book, photos reveal that Dan Brown eventually found that the Lost Symbol was an "L".
5. Magnum Carter
Have YOU had an accident that wasn't your fault? Give us your house and we'll leave you with your mattress.
4. eltelsopwith
Pleading for a loan has never been easier, say banks.
3. SimonRooke
And here we see the Batley Townswomen's Guild re-enactment of the Fall of Lehman Brothers.
2. ZingyZangyZongy
Rivaldo just couldn't decide which to choose for his passport photograph.
1. Dodie_James
"Brace yourself Maureen..."
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Comment number 1.
At 17th Sep 2009, ZingyZangyZongy wrote:But wouldn't the mattress be a bit of a give-away?
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Comment number 2.
At 17th Sep 2009, ZingyZangyZongy wrote:Surely it's not a good idea for five members of the same team to fake an injury at the same time?
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Comment number 3.
At 17th Sep 2009, Dodie James wrote:Try as he might, he still couldn't get to sleep
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Comment number 4.
At 17th Sep 2009, ZingyZangyZongy wrote:If I were asked in an IQ test to put these photographs in the right order, I certainly wouldn't have put number 5 last. Why is Dr. Morris apparently flying backwards?
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Comment number 5.
At 17th Sep 2009, rogueslr wrote:And here we see the Batley Townswomen's Guild re-enactment of the Fall of Lehman Brothers.
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Comment number 6.
At 17th Sep 2009, phildman wrote:The new anti-gravity 'diving detector' had caught another victim
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Comment number 7.
At 17th Sep 2009, U14138832 wrote:And just when you thought faking orgasms was bad enough
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Comment number 8.
At 17th Sep 2009, JeremiahJobling wrote:Dr Morris' studies confirm that this is far more effective than counting sheep
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Comment number 9.
At 17th Sep 2009, Dodie James wrote:Brace yourself Maureen..
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Comment number 10.
At 17th Sep 2009, rogueslr wrote:The sneaking on of the crash mat was usually a dead give away that it was a dive.
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Comment number 11.
At 17th Sep 2009, artmitchell wrote:And this is how the economy has performed this year, Robert Peston, ´óÏó´«Ã½ news at ten.
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Comment number 12.
At 17th Sep 2009, JeremiahJobling wrote:Eadweard Muybridge's early attempts were not as successful as his famous galloping horse photographs
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Comment number 13.
At 17th Sep 2009, U14138832 wrote:Footballers demonstrate they can rival tennis weenies when it comes to false outrage
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Comment number 14.
At 17th Sep 2009, JeremiahJobling wrote:This was the only way Dr. Morris could get his overfilled blue suitcase to shut
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Comment number 15.
At 17th Sep 2009, U14138832 wrote:I'm not just walking on sunshine this time
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Comment number 16.
At 17th Sep 2009, Dodie James wrote:So that's a hop, a skip, and a jump. Hang on, you mean all at once? That's daft.
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Comment number 17.
At 17th Sep 2009, tomporky wrote:Oh, oh, the hokey cokey ....
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Comment number 18.
At 17th Sep 2009, david regan wrote:There's no penalty for using a mat!
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Comment number 19.
At 17th Sep 2009, JeremiahJobling wrote:Cinerama was only a success when it was decided to cut down to only three cameras
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Comment number 20.
At 17th Sep 2009, Candace9839 wrote:Ever wonder how they test mattresses?
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Comment number 21.
At 17th Sep 2009, JeremiahJobling wrote:David Beckham demonstrates how to leave a match without having to greet the fans by using a helicopter and a long rope
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Comment number 22.
At 17th Sep 2009, JudgePix wrote:Remember, lads: Hands, knees and BUMPSADAISY!
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Comment number 23.
At 17th Sep 2009, Candace9839 wrote:Early Dirty Dancing footage uncovered
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Comment number 24.
At 17th Sep 2009, JeremiahJobling wrote:How a football match looks to a housefly
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Comment number 25.
At 17th Sep 2009, groundhog44 wrote:Eduardo was busy completing his warm up.
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Comment number 26.
At 17th Sep 2009, Candace9839 wrote:So when your Mum told us not to jump on the mattress, she meant just inside?
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Comment number 27.
At 17th Sep 2009, Punky wrote:The Tantric Guide to Onanism did not turn out to be the big seller the publisher had expected.
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Comment number 28.
At 17th Sep 2009, SkarloeyLine wrote:Another advantage of memory foam - the slow motion playback.
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Comment number 29.
At 17th Sep 2009, emperorx wrote:Invisible high jump bar all set for London Olympics
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Comment number 30.
At 17th Sep 2009, ObsidianPNE wrote:PILE ON!
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Comment number 31.
At 17th Sep 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:I'm sorry, Officer, but I can't tell who stole my purse - they all look alike to me
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Comment number 32.
At 17th Sep 2009, Candace9839 wrote:When tennis pros honeymoon
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Comment number 33.
At 17th Sep 2009, david regan wrote:..... and it's a two way process ...... it can also be used for the Emmanuel Adebayor goal celebration - debris already on the pitch!!
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Comment number 34.
At 17th Sep 2009, MuteJoe wrote:Fosbury decided that it definitely needed more work.
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Comment number 35.
At 17th Sep 2009, JudgePix wrote:Even during the swine flu scare, the I-I-L-L-L dance was never going to beat the YMCA routine.
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Comment number 36.
At 17th Sep 2009, Candace9839 wrote:Freemason recreation secrets revealed
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Comment number 37.
At 17th Sep 2009, groundhog44 wrote:Dr Morris accidently stumbled upon the Lilliput high jumping championships.
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Comment number 38.
At 17th Sep 2009, Dry Boak wrote:The correct way to go down for a penalty as officially sanctioned by UEFA
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Comment number 39.
At 17th Sep 2009, JudgePix wrote:but it makes a change from calling in sick
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Comment number 40.
At 17th Sep 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:I blame Arsenal for building their stadium so close to a river with fly-fishing contests
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Comment number 41.
At 17th Sep 2009, rogueslr wrote:And here we see a scene from the Dean Richards training video. "Remember, the hardest part is not to bite on the capsule until after you've landed!"
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Comment number 42.
At 17th Sep 2009, BeckySnow wrote:Oh crumbs, it's not water......
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Comment number 43.
At 17th Sep 2009, MuteJoe wrote:Batman was great on the wings, but the Invisible Man was just a chopper.
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Comment number 44.
At 17th Sep 2009, Candace9839 wrote:With only five frames, the kinetoscope demonstration was getting a bit boring
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Comment number 45.
At 17th Sep 2009, Candace9839 wrote:I'd rather be hooking
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Comment number 46.
At 17th Sep 2009, SpringChicky wrote:It wasn't until the last second that anyone realised Chelsea had taken the chance to pull the mattress away....
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Comment number 47.
At 17th Sep 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:It's different in Japan - you can't fake hara-kiri
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Comment number 48.
At 17th Sep 2009, SkarloeyLine wrote:Suspicion cast on "knees of God" incident.
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Comment number 49.
At 17th Sep 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:UEFA? No, I'm RADA-trained.
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Comment number 50.
At 17th Sep 2009, Candace9839 wrote:Oh no, that's torn it, the ball's gone over the hedge again
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Comment number 51.
At 17th Sep 2009, MuteJoe wrote:Colin just couldn't conquer his phobia of catering plasters.
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Comment number 52.
At 17th Sep 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:It's just as well to practise - in case there's ever a streaker on the pitch
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Comment number 53.
At 17th Sep 2009, Kudosless wrote:David James dives for the mattress ... and misses
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Comment number 54.
At 17th Sep 2009, Lester Mak wrote:Photos reveal why Freddie Flintoff declined his new ECB contract
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Comment number 55.
At 17th Sep 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:The Cup Final was eagerly watched by the Army's crack camouflage unit
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Comment number 56.
At 17th Sep 2009, RMutt-Urinal wrote:Pictures 4-5 show a referee with dubious eyesight attempting to replicate the technique though a shop window at Beds-R-Us.
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Comment number 57.
At 17th Sep 2009, Candace9839 wrote:It's no use, I can't get to your window. We'll have to elope from the ground floor.
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Comment number 58.
At 17th Sep 2009, Lester Mak wrote:No matter how hard one tries, parachuting horizontally was never going to take off
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Comment number 59.
At 17th Sep 2009, Mr Snoozy wrote:who says white men can't jump? (even if they do look strange!)
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Comment number 60.
At 17th Sep 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:Since the last 'Lord of the Rings' film, Sir Ian McKellan liked to make a bit of extra money coaching
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Comment number 61.
At 17th Sep 2009, ARoseByAnyOther wrote:The penalty for ripping off the mattress tag was severe
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Comment number 62.
At 17th Sep 2009, Kudosless wrote:Dr Morris's research into fakery called into question when it is spotted that the sun is shining in only one of his series of photographs.
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Comment number 63.
At 17th Sep 2009, Valerie Ganne wrote:Is faking a fatal injury this way called mattress-side?
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Comment number 64.
At 17th Sep 2009, Dodie James wrote:It would take another three months practice, but a young John Travolta was clearly taking the role seriously..
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Comment number 65.
At 17th Sep 2009, rogueslr wrote:Guess who got a motordrive for his camera?
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Comment number 66.
At 17th Sep 2009, david regan wrote:Who needs a financial adviser to demonstrate that players can go down as well as up?
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Comment number 67.
At 17th Sep 2009, throbgusset wrote:gimme a C, gimme an H, gimme an E ...A ...T
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Comment number 68.
At 17th Sep 2009, ARoseByAnyOther wrote:A mime is a terrible thing to chase
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Comment number 69.
At 17th Sep 2009, Pendragon wrote:It's no good, Arsene - I'll have to get these cracks in my spectacles fixed
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Comment number 70.
At 17th Sep 2009, ARoseByAnyOther wrote:Henry took his periodic mattress flipping quite seriously
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Comment number 71.
At 17th Sep 2009, bmerren wrote:Hedge Fun Manager in action
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Comment number 72.
At 17th Sep 2009, Mr Snoozy wrote:After five hysterical attempts, Jason promised not to move the crash mat for Paul's gymnastic display this time; however the "prankster glint" in his eyes made Paul doubt his sincerity.....
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Comment number 73.
At 17th Sep 2009, SkarloeyLine wrote:Pan's People rehearse routine to "Jump For My Love"
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Comment number 74.
At 17th Sep 2009, Pendragon wrote:Fry's reintroduce their popular "Five Boys" chocolate bars, this time with football fans in mind
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Comment number 75.
At 17th Sep 2009, RMutt-Urinal wrote:When asked, Arsene Wenger said he did not have a clear view of the incident and so couldn't comment. Meanwhile, 300 miles away Manchester United were awarded a penalty.
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Comment number 76.
At 17th Sep 2009, ARoseByAnyOther wrote:It's a bird...it's a plane...no, it's Nevil at again with your new mattress
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Comment number 77.
At 17th Sep 2009, awesomegrats wrote:It's fun to stay at the... huh?
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Comment number 78.
At 17th Sep 2009, bmerren wrote:Plan to scrap GP catchmat areas
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Comment number 79.
At 17th Sep 2009, ARoseByAnyOther wrote:It's a bird...it's a plane...no, it's Nevil at it again with your new mattress
(correction)
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Comment number 80.
At 17th Sep 2009, Pendragon wrote:None of Dr. Morris' colleagues really liked him - a few extra springs in the mattress and he was airborne for almost half-an-hour
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Comment number 81.
At 17th Sep 2009, luzleh wrote:Dr Morris demonstrates the new "Invisible Wall Bouncy Dive Detector"
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Comment number 82.
At 17th Sep 2009, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:Just had to give me the shire horse to ride didn't you?
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Comment number 83.
At 17th Sep 2009, Pendragon wrote:The Village People get a stutter
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Comment number 84.
At 17th Sep 2009, rogueslr wrote:Secret filming reveals Renault drivers practicing their race winning techniques.
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Comment number 85.
At 17th Sep 2009, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:Bob was determined to make the cheerleading squad this year
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Comment number 86.
At 17th Sep 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:Budget cuts for the 2012 Olympics meant the springboard diving competition would take place without the diving board. Or the pool..
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Comment number 87.
At 17th Sep 2009, throbgusset wrote:Bulk Viagra has some startling side effects
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Comment number 88.
At 17th Sep 2009, Weary Pedant wrote:This is a fake caption contest entry.
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Comment number 89.
At 17th Sep 2009, Pendragon wrote:Next week, Dr. Morris will be analysing MP's expenses
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Comment number 90.
At 17th Sep 2009, bmerren wrote:Science progresses leaps and bounce
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Comment number 91.
At 17th Sep 2009, throbgusset wrote:´óÏó´«Ã½ unveils new Saturday Night Football programme: Strictly Eduardo
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Comment number 92.
At 17th Sep 2009, Pendragon wrote:When Paul's wife asked him to help get her suitcase shut, she should have told him she'd packed all her duty-free bottles in it
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Comment number 93.
At 17th Sep 2009, throbgusset wrote:5.8 5.8 5.9 6.0 5.8 6.0
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Comment number 94.
At 17th Sep 2009, mili590 wrote:easyJet unveil their new ultra-budget class
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Comment number 95.
At 17th Sep 2009, NorfolkOnce wrote:Tuffers soon realised that practising the tango for Strictly Come Dancing without his partner was more difficult than he first thought..
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Comment number 96.
At 17th Sep 2009, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:The mattress tag police spring into action
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Comment number 97.
At 17th Sep 2009, Oaktowers wrote:Dagguereotype takes a dive ;)
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Comment number 98.
At 17th Sep 2009, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:We never talk anymore
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Comment number 99.
At 17th Sep 2009, RMutt-Urinal wrote:Secret footage as Ronaldo auditions in his new kit before being signed by Real Madrid.
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Comment number 100.
At 17th Sep 2009, Pendragon wrote:Even when sober, Wyane still couldn't catch the moon
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