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Sorry, Alice, but the sound-proofing's the audience's idea

But you didn't say you'd be needing an electric socket

I don't think you quite understand the concept of a Freshers' Ball

What a fantastic bauble, I'm just not sure my tree is big enough to do it justice!

Er, bathroom? No, it's got a sort of litter tray - will that do?

I call this 'Ode to West Ham'.

New Hubba Bubba advert condemned as being mis-leading...

So, what makes you think I'm worried about catching Swine Flu?

The song's five minutes long? Make it three, because that's how much air you've got in there.

Lionel Blair had seen ships in bottles before, but this one was a novel twist.

Michael Jackson was going to perform in it on his tour

Err, you with the cigarette, stand away from the bubble, now!

And, if the audience don't like you, I just use my cigarette, so ...

In space nobody can hear you scream. Unfortunately in Tokyo we can.

What do you mean, you need the loo?

I was a hamster in a previous life.

In space, nobody can hear you play

The moment before curiosity killed the bubble

Tiny lady entertainer hired by frogs to keep spawn amused.

What a blast of a gig!

No, we haven't used this set since the last singer with extreme body odour

Yes, we fill it with helium so you float above the stage, and your voice goes up as well. Trust me, it'll be great!

David Blaine managed 44 days in his box, the least you can do is 15 minutes.

My contract specifically stated there'd be a small castle, and some weeds to play amongst

Boss, what exactly do you mean 'kick off's in 5 minutes'?

They don't do gravy!

New method is revealed to prevent Sheffield students from unrinating in the street.

After the management had seen Alice's body, they changed a few things, but still honoured their commitment to let her play in something see-through

Visitors to Damian Hurst's new installation were shocked by his latest dissection.

'go away with that cigarette'

Rehearsals for the new series of the Prisoner were well underway.

Bono says he still don't think it'll keep him dry enough at Glastonbury, so back to the drawing board.

"I've got one on my mantlepiece. Just turn it upside-down and shake it..."

This is what happens when you don't believe in faries!

I know there aren't any creepy-crawlies in your ball - the bushtucker trial is for the other celebrities who have to listen to you play

A prize at a goldfish-run fairground.

Alice explains how she produces her very avant-garde music just before the Zorb is set rolling down the hill.

Alice had been warned to watch out for the club's bouncers

Oops #27 should read urinating !

'Yess, seence going down zee route urban, ah lak to sink of my style as zee 'bubble rap'...'

For my next song I'm going to do Madonna's "Like a Virgin" - Don't come near my balloon!

Your next gig's in Workington

Makes Mariah Carey seem grounded.

'Vat? Zey don't like my take on: Western Style Maki Roll?'

'Vat? Zey don't like my take on: Western Style Maki Roll?'

It's Fender's new model, the Stratosphere !

I worked with an American fashion designer to create it, it's called Self Obsession by Calvin Klein.

Next time, make certain the zip on your tent's working the night before a gig

"I heard about the rain - just though I'd stay safe"

The global recession forces Nina to rewrite her most famous song.

I don't care how much you like beans, don't eat them the night before a gig

Sorry, Alice, I can't hear a word you're saying, so just play

It's to round out your repetoire

Christo's latest work was more modest than his previous efforts

So, what makes you think I don't get on with the rest of the band?

And just wait until Bill Wyman opens this present on Christmas Day

Why is there an additional £10 charge for using the balloon?

That's inflation.

Once again the Lionel Blair Defence Shield proves it was worth the £20 she paid for it.

You play ball with me and I'll play ball with you. Now, about that contract........

A bit drastic you say? You obviously haven't seen Uncle Keith at a wedding before.

It may be popular now but one day your bubble will burst !

When it came to charades, no-one could top Alice's Michael Bublé.

She always took precautions when she played "It's Raining Men". Just in case.

Try it again and this time with more bounce !

What makes you think I'm giving you the run-around on your gigs?

"That's torn it...I've put my stiletto through it!"

"The agent wasn`t impressed with Michael Buble`s new image."

Yeah, it's to publicise my new musical 'High School Rock Phobia'.

The Snowman asked me to hold his guitar while he went to the loo......

No one was sure what was worse...his 'Michael Jackson' or her 'Bubbles'.

The new series of the Crystal Maze was hit by some serious budget restrictions

We've packaged you in a protective atmosphere to keep you sounding fresh.

Rock 'n' roll

My main musical influence? Err, 'Pinball Wizard'.

At last, her career was set to soar

Picture in your mind a beautiful woman. Make her a rock chick. Now put her in a bubble and release it to the world. One day your dream might come true.

Don't worry luv!
They're a very tough audience, but I'm sure you'll roll them over!

"Oh, this is nothing, you should have seen what I had to wear when I played with Kite Bush".

Blowing smoke rings is a talent yes, but watch this!!!

We filled the balloon with methane, so I just use my cigarette and you've got your grand finale for "Great Balls of Fire"

..... and you're sure that changing '99 Red Balloons' to '1 Big Clear Balloon' is gonna work???

Morrissey suggested it for my next gig in Liverpool.

"I know I told you to bring back Rock and Roll, but what I meant ......"

Alice : "I don't know who was in here last, but have you seen the mess they left"!

You're not really Michael Ball's sister Alice, are you?

Alice in Hamsterland!

Can you do pop?

I've got a dandruff problem, all right??!!

Who you calling clackers?

What - you've never heard of "Tokyo Bazooka Joe"?

What did you expect for your £25 Lapland Experience? Real snow?

"Gosh. I wish i had one of those in my Punk Rock days when I used to get covered in spit".

And now, signing her version of the classic "I Get Around", give a warm welcome to Alice and the Beach Balls!!

When they said we were hiring the girl with the big orb, I thought you were an Amazon

My mother told me about you… so I took protection!

Cirrection due to spelling mistake ......

And now, singing her version of the classic "I Get Around", give a warm welcome to Alice and the Beach Balls!!

Unfortunately, the compere popped Alice's bubble-gum balloon before the Guinness officials could get there

Does my bum look big in this!

I'm also known as Zorba the Geek.

This is the last time I do a gig at the Sea Life Centre.