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How a fly watches rugby

By the time they reached Jonny Wilkinson at London Bridge, over ten million dominos had been knocked over

Dallaglio's attempt to be his picture in '10 things' fails due to over-enthusiasm

Lawrence Le'Domino

He couldn't set a pass up in a brewery

England RFU's attempt to fill the corporate sponsors seats at home games fell a bit flat

I think my beer's gone flat

(Voice of Bill McLaren) "Aye, they might be a bit stiff back home, but they'll still raise a pint to the big lad tonight!"

Lo - will dance a lager (anag)

The Liverpool Echo were expecting Laurence Llewelyn Bowen.

If Carlsberg did the Matrix

England's attempts at cloning a new XV fell a bit flat.

Yeah, I'll just have a swift fly-half

A Welshman's nightmare - 15 large England supporters in front of him at the bar.

I heard there might be a shortage of Stella so I'm taking no chances

Strange as it was,the clientele had become a bit samey.

"We Don't Need Another Beer-o"

We need to get rid of a few of the lads if we hope to make the 10 things picture this week.

The British remake of "The Six Million Dollar Man" had a more relaxed attitude towards product placement

The coach trip organiser decided he'd have to have a word with the landlord about the group of hookers he'd lined up for them

When you've really got your beer goggles on

"Yeah mate you and what army..."

The England rugby team took exception to the Welsh Guards latest firing range.

Harry finally realised why he couldn't get near the bar to order his pint

Lawrence Dallaglio had always been a bit of a card

Fun with the office copier again, Smithers?

The dangers of binge drinking, too much beer causes you to lose you hair and start wearing trackies.

Lawrence a big man? Nah, he's just a push-over.

English rugbys latest squad, designed as an attempt to boost their chances in the 6 nations, drown their sorrows after learning that clones are not allowed to play under WRU rules.

The new-style traffic cones were a big hit in Twickenham

You must be this tall to drink

Martin Johnsons Nightmare became a reality, a million Dallaglios telling who to pick.

Do I have ID?!

Yeah, we got our latest squad from IKEA

The year, the English team are being sponsored by IKEA

when Lawrence agred to get plastered for a poster he didn't quite have this in mind.

George began to suspect somebody was conning him after he'd announced drinks on the house

Right, today we're going to explain the offside rule

I said we needed a good rugby pack, not a good flat-pack

Well I'm not the only one with a funny shaped ball, mate.

Make mine a double. No, a triple...

England's chances in the Six Nations just improved when the Boys From Brazil reveal they all have UK passports.

After a celebrity bout between Lawrence Dallaglio and Joe Calzaghe, Lawrence was flattened

We got them from a masked man, he said he was the Clone Arranger.

I said to mind the bacon slicer, Lawrence ... Lawrence!

Dallaglio thought that his beer was a bit flat

"MAGNIFICO-O-o-o, I see a little silhouette of a man ..."

When Vanessa Perroncel dreams

The Selection Committee wasn't fooled.

Lawrence was all ready for a team reshuffle ...

Now, are you sure you recognise the man who hit you in court, Sir ...?

(To the tune of Yellow Submarine) "We all dream of a team of Dallaglios, a team of Dallaglios, a team of Dallaglios ..."

How to spot a flatlander #23

Lawrence was upset - he'd only said he wanted a COFFEE

with only 13 cutouts he would have to enter a rugby league team instead

But Lawrence clearly wasn't cut out to work in a pub

If a life size model was worth £65m what would he get for this lot he thought.

London doctors warn of an epidemic of Lawren-gitis

Fear the rock no longer, Grasshopper, but beware the scissors...

Martin Johnson replaces the England teams heavy bags after this weeks snide comments....

Well, that covers the pub and sports shops, the next version carries a big 'Golf Sale' this way sign.

The "Can you spot the real Dallaglio?" quiz failed after contestants pointed out that Lawrence (towards the rear) had had to pop off for a pee

We're going to call it Dallaglio Dominoes

"I love an identity parade," she sighed.

I said get me a group of poseurs not posters

These new bouncers I've got work a real treat. No one can get through the damned doors!

"On the plus side, we've avoided launching our product on the same day as Apple; however, we've managed to find something even less animate than Peter Andre to endorse it."

"No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service..."


Unless your a massive rugby player

Lawrence of Ballistophobia

That's a bit cheeky - getting Lawrence to open the latest Wilkinson's store

Don't panic it's only a 3D TV fault. Please do not adjust your TV

I'm not cut out for this kind of lifestyle......

We're looking for some hookers

Hercule Poirot smiled, "Ah, but I think I can prove 'ow Mr. Dallaglio here could have been in two places at one and the same time ..."

Unfortunately, nobody had been able to take the number of the hit-and-run steam-roller

Scrum of the earth did you say?!

We're celebrating Superbowl XLIV actually

In "Fantasia 2010," Disney updates "The Rugby-player's Apprentice"

England's ultimate rugby line-up.

Lawrence was more than just pleased with his new ad campaign, he was beside himself.

"Have you lost weight?" she purred.

Lawrence's doctor had warned him of the effects of overindulging on pizzas

It wasn't the first time that Lawrence had been stood up.

We're putting them out to remind lasses to wear their coats

MacDonald's unveil their new line in novelty toast

Terracotta warriors are a doddle

I didnt even run this fast when i was playing!

Roll call after the fire drill: Dallaglio? Dallaglio?....Dallaglio?

Can't believe I've to tackle Dallaglio so many times just to get one pint!

The rugby team night out was a disaster as the 13 hookers they ordered wern't what they expected.

The Lawrence Dallaglio lookalike competition looked like it was going to be a tough one to call.

Your obstacle course, should you choose to accept it...

Diagio Dallaglio

Dallaglio picks his favourite England XV

The Health and Safety Department felt that 10 green bottles sitting and then falling off a wall might cause injuries.....so instead they replaced it with 10, 6ft 9", 16 stone prop forwards, drunk and on a pavement outside an Irish pub. Is It Me?????

If you are viewing in 3D, please put on your glasses now, or take your beer goggles off.

There had been accusations of cheating ih the Lawrence Dallaglio look-alike competition

At last the coaching staff had found a way to get through to the England forwards what a flat defensive lineup actually looked like.

The latest measure to combat fraudulent rugby tickets had gone to extremes

There had been accusations of cheating in the Lawrence Dallaglio look-alike competition

(correction)