大象传媒

Gwen undertook her confirmation and felt that nothing could touch her or the people around her including family and indeed Sandy. Unfortunately, war changes how lives continue. The following is how something that doesn鈥檛 seem too bad can have devastating results on the emotions and lives of people. A short time had passed and Gwen was still optimistic for everything turning out fine in the end.

Air raids seemed to be a lot less frequent now and the war was going on overseas and more unfortunately at sea, as we were losing so many ships. My brother Frank was on the Russian convoy. I still couldn't figure out how we had come to be such good pals with the Russians when all my life they had been our enemy. Oh well, never mind as they say. One night I had a very strange and vivid dream, I was at a wedding, my wedding, and there were lots of people there but I knew no one, not even the bridegroom. The bells were ringing and everyone was asking me to hurry, the bells were getting louder and louder. I sat up in bed, hot and scared, searched around for the matches to light the candle and in so doing knocked over the picture I had of Sandy. Silly me, I thought, I'm marrying Sandy and settled back to sleep again. It had been several days since I had received a letter from Sandy and as we wrote to each other every day it was unusual. When a letter did arrive it was to say he had been in hospital. He had been on manoeuvres with a motorbike and sidecar and hit a bridge, gone to hospital with suspected concussion, but was out now and all was fine. Of course I trust in the lord and all will be well.

Sandy came to North Weald for a short 48 hours leave and I went over to see him. We went for our usual walk and over the stile. Sandy would always pick me up like a doll and dump me unceremoniously the other side. This time he stumbled and was upset. I laughed it off by saying I was putting on weight, but I could see he was troubled. The next letter I had was to tell me he was being sent back to Elsie and Stan's so that he could go to Epping hospital for a check up. Dougie was home on a short leave that weekend and asked if he could cycle over with me to see Sandy. Dougie didn't smoke so he had saved his cigarette ration to take over for Sandy. Sandy looked dreadful; he was unshaven and looked as though he had trouble concentrating on anything for very long. The boys had a chat and he asked Doug what he was doing, being a Saturday night. "Well, I might go to the to a dance at the little village hut, the one near the cottage." "Will you take Gwen for me Doug and look after her for me?" "Sure mate, if you want me to." It was worrying that Sandy didn't want to go out, but he seemed to want to be on his own. At home I changed into my skirt and black blouse with the gypsy embroidery and we ran across to the little hut. There were some local chaps playing piano and a few other instruments, there were Mums and aunties with young girls and some very young children, there were older men past the age of call up. But the boys of the village were missing as they were all in the forces. As a result as I walked in with Dougie in his bell-bottoms he was positively swept away from me, no doubt a lot of the girls he had been to school with. I went and sat with the Mums and aunties and watched Dougie having a great time. It must have been the first time I'd been to a dance and just sat and watched. I didn't mind it was fun seeing the girls in the excuse me trying to get their turn with Dougie. I overheard one of the ladies say to her friend "that young sailor brought that girl in and hasn't danced with her once, she looks a nice little thing as well." However, at the last waltz, when the band played the inevitable 'Whose taking you home tonight, after the dance is through' Dougie and I had the last dance together.

At times, as years go on memory can become hazy and rather vague, but there are times when a moment remains so clear that for the rest of your life you can see and hear every detail. Thus it was when Dougie and I left the village hall. The moon was full and the sky so clear, we walked past the cottage and through the churchyard. The church and the gravestones shone like silver in the moonlight, even the trees and bushes. We stood by the stile where Sandy and I went and looked across the valley towards Broxbourne and the river Lee. A nightingale was singing its heart out and seemed so close. Neither of us spoke, it was not a time for words, so we retraced our steps back to the cottage where Ma had left a sandwich and some cups for cocoa, but we didn't make use of them. We went up the winding wooden stairs and I was soon in bed, me in the front of the cottage and Dougie in the back looking down over the churchyard. After a while there was a gentle tap on the dividing wall, "can you hear me?" Asked Dougie "I'd like to tell you a poem, it's called The Sailors Love." It was a poem I had never heard before or since. Whether Dougie made it up or not, I don't know, but he then tiptoed into my room and gave me a tiny kiss on my forehead and I was soon asleep. I was working the following morning and had to be in early. When I came home lunchtime Dougie had had gone, back to sea.

In the afternoon I cycled to Epping hospital to see how Sandy had got on that morning. I was met by a fierce sister who asked me my business and I told her about Sandy and that I wanted to know how things were. "Oh" she said, her head tilted back slightly looking down along her nose at me "he's been sent to Chase Farm hospital in Enfield, he needs an operation for a brain tumour" I just stood there like a fool, gazing at her as she turned and walked away. Well, I thought, Chase Farm here I come. I vaguely knew that Enfield was on the way to Tottenham, so I went through Epping, Upshire, and Waltham Cross and down to Enfield. There seemed to be a lot more traffic about now and bigger roads, somebody on the way told me where Chase Farm was. Once again in the front entrance I was stopped. "Where are you going?" A pert but large nurse asked and I explained the story about Sandy. "Are you a relative?" "No, no I'm his fianc茅" I replied. "Well, we can't have girlfriends calling in at anytime." She emphasized the 'girlfriends' in a haughty manner. So that was it! I turned as she watched me and started to walk away towards the gate feeling quite dejected, when I saw a lady also with a bike and walked beside her. I told her what had happened. "Don't worry love" she said "I never use the main entrance, if you go round the side of the hospital you will find a door to one of the wards, you can get in there anytime, I do," and with that she burst into tears. I put my arm around her while she told me her youngest son Ivor, he was only six, had a brain tumour and the doctors had told her he wouldn't live very long. "That's nonsense." I told her. "You must have faith, God will look after Ivor just as he will Sandy." She told me her name was Mrs Hinkins and she lived in Epping, so we cycled part way home together.

Sandy's operation was soon arranged and the hospital asked for blood donors. His Mum and Dad were not the right type, but Dougie and I were. Dougie was refused as he had undergone a lot of injections on the expectation of going to the Far East, so that left me. On the day of the operation, which took five hours, I was taken into an anteroom beside the operating theatre. I could hear the clanking and clinks from the theatre tools, so I shut my eyes tight and said to myself "I'm not here and this isn't happening to Sandy" after a while someone tapped me gently on the shoulder, I opened my eyes and looked up at a young man with brown eyes and a white coat. "I'm sorry," he said. "Your veins are so small we can't get the blood out." I walked out to the corridor and way down the end I could see Mrs Parker and Sally on a bench. The next thing I knew, I woke up in a side ward and Sally was sitting on the end of the bed. "You passed out," she said. "The doctor brought you in here to recover." Just then a doctor came in to speak to us. "We have completed Mr Parker's operation, but I'm afraid it will be some while before we know the results. When he comes round, he will either not survive, or if he does it will effect him mentally." They must have thought I was hard hearted, as I didn't weep like the others, I knew that my faith would perform a miracle and everything was going to be fine. The following day I went to the hospital and sister Vi cycled over to be with me. They had shaved off all of Sandy's golden hair and he was sitting up in bed cooing and laughing like a baby. I knelt by the bed and took his hand and he patted my engagement ring, so I removed it and he tried to put it in his mouth. I handed him my land army photo that was by his bed whilst saying "It's Gwen, Vi is here too" trying to jog his memory, but the same thing happened. "Come away" said Vi "there's nothing we can do yet, it's too early." The following day I went to the side door that Ivor's mother told me about and Sandy was in that ward quite close to the door and Ivor was in the next bed, he looked like a little angel and Sandy was so much better and pleased to see me. He introduced me to his new mate in the bed opposite who was a fireman in the London Blitz. A wall had fallen on him and broken his back, he would never walk again. His young wife came every night, but they had so little to talk about, so he and Sandy used to call out rude things to each other to try and cheer things up, sometimes if his wife was late I would hear him singing "if wishing can make it so, just keep on wishing and cares will go. Wishes are the dreams we dream make no mistake, wishes are the dreams we dream when we're awake." If ever I hear that now, I'm right back at Chase Farm. I think the worse thing I felt about going every night after work as I clonked into the ward in my land Army steel tipped shoes, I felt so disgustingly healthy. All the men and boys in the ward looking so ill, why couldn't I look the delicate fairy type like my sister Maggie. However, both Sandy and Ivor were improving, infact some said it was like a miracle of course. Eventually Sandy was doing so well, Mr and Mrs Parker came down from Northampton and we all had tea together out on the hospital lawns.

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