大象传媒

This story was submitted to the People鈥檚 War site by Katherine Wood of the 鈥楢ction Desk 鈥� Sheffield鈥� Team on behalf of Fred Willoughby, and has been added to the site with the author鈥檚 permission. The author fully understands the site's terms and conditions.

The Plot to Invade England

In Reichstag one day just a bit since,
Two fellers sat, both looking glum,
One was the great Adolph Hitler,
And the other was Old Goring his chum.

鈥淣ow Adolph鈥�, Old Goring was saying,
鈥淚t鈥檚 about time tha made a move,
Tha promised us tha鈥檇 invade England,
Our power to finally prove鈥�.

鈥淚鈥檝e cleared way wi mi Luftwaffe,
We鈥檝e brought R.A.F. down to ground,
And for each one plane we鈥檝e lost seven,
Or do I mean tother way round鈥�.

鈥淲ell on watter there鈥檚 nowt to stop thee,
Tha gaffer on sea knows that,
So what in the world are tha waiting for,
Invade em I want a new hat鈥�.

Poor old Adolph, he looked mournful,
His moustache it drooped on his lip,
His sleek lock of hair was bedraggled,
You could tell the poor chap had the pip.

He pondered just for a few moments,
Then opening his mouth with a sigh he said,
鈥淚t鈥檚 alright thee talking,
But invasion I don鈥檛 think I鈥檒l try鈥�.

鈥淲ell tha鈥檚 done it before鈥�, protested Goring,
鈥淚t鈥檚 as easy as easy can be,
Tha鈥檚 done it on all other countries,
I can鈥檛 think what鈥檚 come over thee鈥�.

鈥淭ha鈥檚 only to take same procedure,
Drop parachute troops in back yards鈥�,
鈥淎h and that鈥檚 where tha wrong鈥�, said Adolph,
鈥淭ha forgetting one thing, Home Guards鈥�.

At first Old Goring looked puzzled,
Then taking his coat by the hem,
He burst out laughing loudly and said,
鈥淒on鈥檛 tell me tha frightened of them鈥�.

鈥淭hey鈥檙e only a Fred Karno Army,
They only join up if they please,
They鈥檙e knock need, bowlegged and bandy,
And whiskers right down to their knees鈥�.

鈥淭here鈥檚 tall 鈥榰ns and shortens, fattuns and thinnuns,
And chaps without hair,
Some鈥檚 got gout that鈥檚 besides floating kidneys,
And some鈥檚 got no breath to spare鈥�.

鈥淎h but its alright thee laughing鈥�, said Adolph,
鈥淏ut they鈥檝e got rifles and machine guns as well,
And between me, thee and the lamp post,
They鈥檇 like to blow us all to hell鈥�.

鈥淎nd them old 鈥榰ns can still use a rifle,
And in past wars they鈥檝e won many psalms,
Why the medals that some are wearing,
Fill their chest and go under their arms鈥�.

鈥淎nd there鈥檚 just another thing to consider,
And that鈥檚 the reason for most of mi fears,
There鈥檚 nearly two million of em,
And every ruddy one volunteers鈥�.

鈥淎nd if some are a bit weezy,
And other鈥檚 walk with a stick,
The more 鈥楯ohn Bull鈥� appears crippled,
The harder the fool seems to kick鈥�.

Pr-BR

漏 Copyright of content contributed to this Archive rests with the author. Find out how you can use this.