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This story was submitted to the People’s War site by Roger Marsh of the ‘Action Desk — Sheffield’ Team on behalf of Reg Reid, and has been added to the site with the authors permission. The author fully understands the site's terms and conditions.

The Lighter Side of War

By
Don Alexander

CHAPTER 25: Hamburg to High Wycombe to Hamburg to High Wycombe again to Hamburg again

They were in Hamburg of course, more specifically at Itzehoe, a small town north of Hamburg, south of the Kiel Canal. Oh, and on the subject of Monty's famous 'Caravan Workshops' Captain Mascoid fancied himself as Monty and had a lorry converted to a caravan, Monty-style.

Unfortunately the ex-ranker didn't have Monty's high God-fearing standards, and one night entertained a German farm girl in his caravan. Obviously he had not read the letter by the Commander in Chief on non-fraternisation dated March 1945, which included the paragraph:

`There are Allied organisations whose work it is to single out, separate and destroy the dangerous elements in German life. It is too soon for you to distinguish between `good' and `bad' Germans: you have a positive part to play in winning the peace by a definite code of behaviour. In streets, houses, cafes, cinemas etc., you must keep clear of Germans, men, women and children, unless you meet them in the course of duty. You must not walk out with them, or shake hands, or visit their homes, or make them gifts, or take gifts from them. You must not play games with them or share any social event with them. In short, you must not fraternise with Germans at all.'

This letter was signed B.L. Montgomery, Field-Marshal C-in-C 21" Army Group.
Back in 133's camp at Itzehoe, spread on farmland with a big old shed, acting as Workshops' base, the guard on duty saw Captain Mascoid's caravan rocking slightly and noticed chinks of light where the woodwork on the side of the truck had shrunk in hot weather. He peeped through a gap, and one or two other `A' Platoon lads, alerted to the action, also peeped through gaps and they saw the said Captain, `bollock naked', stand up, look down at his manhood and at the lovely naked girl, and they heard him say these romantic words:
"I hope you haven't got VD!... "

The guard couldn't stop himself - you know what it's like when you can't resist saying something even though it might cause you trouble - and he shouted through the crack:
"Too effin' well late to worry about that now, sir"... and hurried quickly away.

Ritchie and Butch missed this little episode and also the subsequent episode of the Polish girls, since, as usual, they were `tail end Johnnies' doing repair jobs, three days behind the rest of 133 Company.

There were two big factories, relatively unscathed, near 133's camp in the environs of Hamburg: the Phoenix Glass Company and the Earl Cement factory, both British owned before the war and now to be reclaimed by the British.

Railway wagons in nearby sidings, housed hundreds of Polish women who had been used by the Germans as prostitutes and for forced labour in the cement factory.

133 were detailed to find them work. They were thought more reliable than German women who might still harbour Nazi feelings, also the Army wanted to give victims of the Nazis first chance. They were pleased to do cooking and cleaning for the British, and sweeping the roads and cleaning rubble in the city, with comparatively good pay and freedom to come and go as they wished. Unfortunately they were so grateful they showed it with sexual favours to drivers, and when Ritchie and Butch arrived days later, some of the lads were already showing signs of VD. These obviously had ignored Army films back in England, giving advice on avoiding the disease.

Butch resolved at this point to have platonic friendships with women until the right one came along. Lads with VD were denied leave home until they were cured. This meant more days off for good living, or lucky types like Ritchie and Butch.

They got on a troop ship sailing from Hamburg, right down to Southampton, Ritchie's home town. Ritchie would have shown our Sheffielder round his father's coach firm where a job was on offer on demob., but Butch preferred to keep his options open, and anyway wanted to go to the Heavy Repair Shops at High Wycombe to see old friends, Stan Smith, Frank Turton and Chris Bray.

Back there the men reflected on the past, days at Newark etc., but it wasn't the same. They had spent all the war in High Wycombe. There was an unspoken barrier between those who were sent abroad and those who stayed in England. They were happy among themselves, had married, got toddlers, were settled down. Their wives were local girls not wanting to know of what was possibly a riotous past. Butch didn't feel particularly welcome, especially when their wives were around.

"We want to forget the war now", was the prevailing attitude. It was rather depressing. He even toyed with the idea of signing on again in the army.

One thing he couldn't forget about High Wycombe, though, was his suitcase with civvy clothes and the hundred pounds in the care of `Girly' Ruth Hawes. He had a sudden rush of anger, when he knocked on the door at 63 Suffield Road and caught sight of her with Brylcreem boy at an upstairs window looking down at him. She didn't have the courtesy to come down to speak to him.

Perhaps they were scared of him - justifiably when he shouted that he'd return and "shoot their bloody door down ". When Frank Turton saw him later he was worried Butch would carry out this threat and quickly went to retrieve the cash and the case for him.

Butch vowed never to visit the Buckinghamshire town again, but in fact was there again a month or so later. American airmen in the town told him they'd pay £100 each for German Luger or Walther pistols. "If you ever get any, just bring them to the base."

Back in Itzehoe, Captain Mascoid suggested he saw the Hamburg Chief of Police, "a very approachable bloke", who had a whole armoury at his disposal. Mascoid explained:
"We're in overall charge of the city now and are de-militarising the police".

We next meet Butch emerging from the Hamburg Police Headquarters, bowed down with kitbag containing twenty Luger and Walther pistols, plus some ammunition. The Chief of Police had told him to take his pick in exchange for whisky, 200 fags and 20 tins of bully beef! The German had studied in Liverpool pre-war and was pro-British despite the RAF's 1000 bomber raids in autumn 1943 on his city.

Butch was both elated at this exchange and dismayed at the desolate scene about him as he drove back to Itzehoe. The Luftwaffe's `Operation Crucible' raids on Sheffield in December 1940 with 300 bombers had caused widespread destruction so you can imagine the devastation in Hamburg. They had certainly `reaped the whirlwind', USAF as well as RAF, and huge swathes of the city were just piles of rubble. Children would emerge from holes in the ground, like Bedouin Arabs (or 133 Company at Kairouan) and head to British Army barracks to forage. Troops got extra porridge, bread etc. at meal times to take out to them. Wheeler quoted Monty and mimicked his short-tongued speech as he doled out his portions:
"To wefwain fwom fwaternisation is not easy!"

So much for Monty's non fraternisation order - though Captain Mascoid did his bit to "single out, separate, and destroy the dangerous elements in German life", by helping to destroy the wealth of high ranking Nazis. He commandeered any antique furniture they might have and sent it to England.

It was one such `Mascoid furniture run' to Hamburg docks that took Butch to a US Navy vessel back to Blighty again.

The easygoing Americans allowed anything on board. One British soldier even led on a couple of racehorses! Butch lugged his Lugers and Walthers on board, and off board, lugged them on and off a train to London, across London and on and off a train to High Wycombe, and what seemed like up the Chilterns to the Yankee airbase... which was closed!
The Yanks had gone home.

Thoughts of £2,000 evaporated. On the boat back to Hamburg - US Navy again - Butch emptied his kitbag on deck and told the American sailors, "If you want these -you can have 'em ". Easy come, easy go."

He reflected that `Girly' Ruth Hawes had a pistol of his that he'd asked her to put `in the bottom drawer' - which she had thought was a wedding gift! So what! She could keep it.

At the camp there was a bunch of German lads, flotsam of war, still in Wehrmacht fatigues, hanging around, wondering if their erstwhile enemies had any jobs for them. Butch took them to see Mascoid and he agreed to take them on.

They spoke some English and one would be an interpreter for him on `Workshop duties'. One would be a labourer with Workshops Platoon, two were despatched to the cookhouse under `Rice' Cheeseborough, and two to work as cleaners under Polish female supervision. Mascoid thought this was a nice touch, Germans working for Poles.

He warned them that the unit would shortly be moving to Berlin - would they want to move there? Their eyes lit up; two were in fact Berliners. Butch went with them to stores and they exchanged their Wehrmacht fatigues for British Army fatigues.

He spread the news to `A' Platoon and Workshops' lads. They were going to move to Berlin, the heart of the collapsed `Thousand year Reich'. What an opportunity! Some lads were gloomy, especially those married or `courting'. They were moving further away from home. Demob. seemed still far off. It was now July 1945 and there were rumours that it could take months, if not years, to sort Germany out. One lad came up with the classic:
"Roll on death, demob's too far away!"

Pr-BR

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