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| Pantomime
has been a regular feature at the Empire Theatre since it opening
days. |
"Pantomime
is British. No one else has it. Puss in Clogs, Little Red Riding
Hood and the KGB, there’s no such thing.
 |
| Ken
Dodd has appeared in many pantomimes. |
We
are the only people who have Pantomime and it’s a marvellous, wonderful,
British institution.
The
first one I did, I was Wishy Washy in Aladdin.
Boo! Get Off! It was like an avalanche….ice cream cartons and everything!
The
next one I was in was Cinderella.
Now
once upon a time, (or as the Equity Union have now decided, it’s
once upon a time and a half or thrice upon a time because of inflation!)
there was once a poor but beautiful maiden called Cinderella.
She lived in a builder’s hut on the hard shoulder on the M62.
She
lived with her two ugly step sisters; Polly and Esther and her stepmother,
Val Derma. She called her stepmother that because she had a face
like a front door step, which she used to donkey stone three times
a week and the milkman used to leave two pints on it daily!
 |
Dan
Leno, one of the most successful Pantomime Dames of the 19th
century.
Image courtesy of "Its Behind You.com" |
The
two sisters - one had a mouth like a burnt out fuse box and the
other had a nose that could stab a goose.
They
went into a beauty contest and won second and third…a warthog won
it.
They
get invited to a ball and Cinderella is left alone.
Then the window cleaner arrives, which surprises her.
One, ‘cos it wasn’t his day and two, he comes down the chimney
(I’m busking all this you know!)
She goes to the ball and the Prince has booked a three piece band,
they only know three pieces - and they’re going round doing the
British Rail Waltz……slow, slow, slow, slow.
 |
Bessie
Featherstone as Aladdin, 1905
Image courtesy of "Its Behind You.com" |
Suddenly
the clock strikes twelve and Cinderella realises the awful truth….´óÏó´«Ã½
One’s closing down.
So she dashes out and drops her slipper.
The
Prince picks it up the next morning and tells all his courtiers
to go round every maiden in the land and try it on. He arrives at
Cinderella’s house with a pair of false teeth embedded in a meat
pie.
He
said, "Somebody left these at the ball last night. Whoever these
choppers fit, will come with me to the Bahamas."
The
window cleaner steps out from behind the curtain.....all gummy and
says
"Ok pal, you’re on. Let me get my bag packed and we’re off."
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