大象传媒

By Thea Best

Was I here yesterday? I don't remember being anywhere else. I had definitely never been anywhere as dark and wet as this. Shadows and vague shapes hung everywhere. I could hardly open my eyes. It felt like I was drowning in waves of thick, heavy water, as if I had been swallowed whole. My knees were bent towards my head, punching my swollen cheeks. I could barely move my arms and my fingers were rolled into a curled fist like a snail inside a shell.

When I awoke I didn't know how long I had been asleep. My arms and legs ached; my feet tingled uncomfortably. I kicked out with all my weight, but heard muffled laughter from outside. I thought I recognised a voice I had heard before. I couldn't work out what they were talking about though, I could only hear a boomy echo.

I felt tired all the time and sometimes even when I was awake it felt like I was dreaming. I didn't think I could move far and a strange thudding pulsed straight through my head. I knew I wasn't strong enough to try to escape again. Every time I kicked or pushed against the wall it seemed to push back against me even harder. In in the short moments when I was properly awake, I could barely see through the gloom and I would kick out uselessly at the walls in frustration. Time became meaningless as I drifted back between waking and sleeping, barely able to tell them apart.

Even though I was confused, I slowly got used to this room with its noise and darkness, but then I felt the walls press even harder against me as if it could read my thoughts. It was around this time that I began to believe there was someone or something else imprisoned with me. Maybe it was just my loneliness, but sometimes I awoke thinking someone had just spoken to me, touched me, grabbed at my hand. I couldn't be certain who or what it might be, but it somehow made the space less frightening and I grew to rely on this shadowy comfort.

I finally became certain there was someone there with me; they didn't speak or move, but I slowly reached out into the cramped space and felt... a hand! I had only a second of not being alone as I could sense them being hauled away into some other space. I couldn't bear it and I screamed. Then I realised I was being pulled away too. Head first, I fell, grabbed at, pulled and squeezed from all sides. Then came a light so bright I had to screw my eyes shut and I screamed again with a sudden coldness. The noise was awful now, but I slowly blinked my eyes open and could see a purplish, crumpled face and a pale, smiling one.

My twin sister and my mum.

I was born.