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16 October 2014

Annie Beag


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Ps & Qs at the Fank

Chrissie Mary and I are getting a bit nervous as the fank is getting ever closer.


We don’t understand any of the personal ads that we’ve read – all this business about NS, WTLM, etc. What does it all mean? We don't want to put the wrong things on our dating cards. We’ve put our thinking bonnets on and come up with our best guesses:


NS – Niseach Singleton; WLTM - Would Like Tractor Motor; GSOH – Got sack of herring; TDH – Tall Dark Hebridean; LTR – Loves Trout Recipes.


Have we got the right idea, or can someone advise us? Hope the fank isn’t like an auction where one twitch out of place might be taken to mean a bid for a totally unsuitable boddach.

We desperately need advice on fank etiquette.

Posted on Annie Beag at 00:33

Comments

Had hoped that GSOH was a promise of Guga Supper On Honeymoon. Is that not right?

Fank Hopeful from Ness


As regards the P's we'll have a block of chemical toilets and the Q's will be kept to a minimum as we have dozens of stewards on hand and a hundred turnstiles.

Donald from DWP Office Barvas - collecting crisis loan


FPS - fence post supplied. CFOT- creamola foam on tap. PYOP - pick your own potatoes. . . . is that the kind of thing

Exile on Point Street from Tarbert, waiting for a Sunday ferry


I hear there is someone setting up an alternative dell fank community on MSN, does this get answered quicker?

GrannyE. DBE.RM from Auchenshuggle in the Atlantic


I am the health and safety expert on fanks in the Western Isles and here is the rules according to the 1979 Fanks V Much Act of Scotland (Amended in 1989 for equality purposes after the Sheeprogettes demonstrations in Stornoway) Fank etiquette; Males and females must be separated until fank begins; transsexuals have the choice of either being male or females for dating purposes; If you're going for a dip make sure you do not have a wooley jumper on or any rams in the area may begin to get the wrong impression and try it on; Money can not change hands unless it is a donation for repairs to make the fank more hi-tech (eg cctv, armed security men to stop local strange men staring at the sheep, a microwave, sunbed, spud gun, floppy disk, a punch that will take more than 3 pieces of paper, etc) Fank ewe, Sir Feng Uwsa, Carolineno, Isle of Lewis

johnny rodainn from ness


Dozens of stewards! Hope the're all as manly and well turned out as Frank Marshall from Ohio. MSN - Messages (are) Slow (from) Ness?

Annie B from Lone Sheiling


We've Stewards, Stuarts and Stewarts and every one a prime catch.

The Spin Doctor from Fank PR HQ


Thanks for the advice Mr Rodainn, but I'm a bit confused about the dress code relating to going for a dip. Not sure why knitwear is the wrong outfit for eating a crowdie and sour cream puree with turnip crudites. It's a lot more complex than I thought.

Fankly fearful from North Galson




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