Uh I was really happy, uh I was really energetic, I used to like climbing on things and playing with friends.
I got on well at school, I was clever.
I like always had one best friend, and then - but I got on well with quite a lot of others.
Um my step dad left, and that was really hard coz he was like my dad.
I moved half way through year 5, I used to change school, and I don鈥檛 do well with change, and then I didn鈥檛 fit in, I got a bit bullied when I first started and stuff.
I used to end up sitting by myself. It was like, we had like a wood section in our school, it was like a hut in the middle of the woods, and I used to sit in there alone.
It made me feel lonely and quite upset sometimes. You feel like, what did I do wrong, why don鈥檛 they like me.
I got a tic, it鈥檚 like a movement, or鈥t was like a noise with my nose. Like鈥(sniffles)鈥 Like that. It sounded like I was like congested, but I wasn鈥檛. It was just my tic.
And then sometimes I get more than one at the same time, when I鈥檓 really stressed.
I get like a twitchy eye, and a head. It made me feel strange compared to everyone else, coz I used to think like everyone鈥檚 gonna notice, they鈥檙e gonna ask me questions, and I didn鈥檛 want to explain it to them. Coz I felt embarrassed, coz no one else at my school had one.
You feel like you have to do certain things, like, either a certain amount of times, or, just, you have to do it.
Because otherwise something bad would happen, to you, or your family, or something will go wrong in the class, or something like that.
My book shelf has to be arranged, like I arrange it all the time, my teddies have to be lined up in a specific order, and if someone knocks them over, I have to knock them all over. And then rearrange it all again.
Because otherwise, it just like鈥 frazzles me.
When I鈥檓 at school, I have to run my hand against the wall as I鈥檓 walking.
And then in the classroom as I walk past the desk, I鈥檒l tap the desk, so that nothing goes wrong in the classroom and I don鈥檛 make a mistake or anything.
I have a really bad list making problem. I make a list, if I make one mistake, I write the list again, and then I have to write it out again and again and again, until it鈥檚 perfect.
Er when I was tapping they used say 鈥楽top tapping, it鈥檚 annoying.'
And I used to say sorry, but I couldn鈥檛 stop tapping, and then they used to like pull a face at me or something, I think they thought I was weird or that I was annoying.
When you鈥檙e in the moment, it feels like, you need to it otherwise something bad will happen, but when you look back at it, you think, maybe something bad wouldn鈥檛 have happened.
It was quite a slow process for me, it just gradually got worse and worse over like 3 years, I was feeling particularly stressed,鈥 and erm鈥 then, and鈥 that鈥檚 when I started feeling a bit down鈥 And like I wasn鈥檛 good enough.
I make everyone leave me, like my dad, my stepdad, some old friends didn鈥檛 speak to me once I left, it鈥檚 all my fault that everyone leaves and that maybe I would be better off not here. Like, I should be better off, dead.
And then I just hit rock bottom for about six weeks, and I didn鈥檛 tell anyone.
At CAMHS they said that I have OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, and severe depression.
And then I got someone, a therapist at CAMHS, and it was weekly at first.
That鈥檚 helped me quite a lot, it helped like, talking about how you were feeling.
And it was quite nice to get a diagnosis because it made you realise why you were feeling that way, and how many other people have that same diagnosis, and that you鈥檙e not alone.
Video summary
This clip uses the testimony of a young girl called Annabel to create an intimate portrait of how coping with OCD can feel.
Annabel explains how her compulsions affect her daily life at school, at home and ultimately led her to reaching rock bottom before she received help.
The clip鈥檚 strong visuals will open up students鈥 eyes to how having an OCD can feel, the way it relates to stress and how classmates鈥 behaviour can affect a person suffering from OCD and depression.
This animation will be particularly useful for teachers to use in discussions about understanding others, how to deal with stress and loss, and what to do when feeling low.
This clip is from the series When I Worry About Things.
Teacher Notes
You could use the clip to start a discussion about what might make a person feel stressed or sad, and what they could do to help someone in Annabel鈥檚 situation.
Ask pupils if they know what OCD and depression are and how they might affect someone鈥檚 life.
This clip is relevant for teaching PSHE at KS2 in England, Wales and Northern Ireland and Modern Studies 2nd Level in Scotland.
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