大象传媒

Caption competition - results

13:10 UK time, Friday, 12 January 2007

Here are the winning entries in the caption comp.

New year, resolution time, so this week, a smoker reclines atop a pile of discarded cigarette packets at the launch of a DVD to help people quit. But what's being said?

1. Sean Smith
Mrs Church takes a tumble in Charlotte's bedroom.

2. Ian
Bridget Jones celebrates her 40th in style.

3. Scott B
"Yeah, 2 days now. The hallucinations are getting quite bad..."

4. Stig
Doctors - 0: The Chancellor - 123, 456

5. Ian Butcher
"Ha...and you thought they were all empty."

6. Simon Rooke
"Only two more cartons and I'll have enough coupons for my own respirator."

Thanks to all who entered. Click on the comments form below to read all the losing entries. Don't see yours? You sent it in by the letters form, didn't you...

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Comments

At 04:17 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Alan Simpson wrote:
"Honestly Officer, they're for personal use!"
At 04:19 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Kate Lilley wrote:
FAG ASH HILL?
At 04:20 PM on 11 Jan 2007, cfalconer wrote:
Hmmm this mattress really doesn't look like it did in the IKEA catalogue...
At 04:22 PM on 11 Jan 2007, cfalconer wrote:
.... it was Fireman Sam's worst nightmare come true
At 04:24 PM on 11 Jan 2007, lynn wrote:
Fags for the memory
At 04:25 PM on 11 Jan 2007, jayne wrote:
well i think the caption is .......
It's all very well giving me this years cigarrettes in one go but where have you hidden the matches?
At 04:25 PM on 11 Jan 2007, lynn wrote:
Packet in
At 04:27 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Tim wrote:
The Government decision to ban the sale of matches and lighters started to have a serious effect on Deidre's smoking habit.
At 04:28 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Richard wrote:
At last a lighter!!
At 04:29 PM on 11 Jan 2007, lynn wrote:
Blue Peter appeal that did not catch on
At 04:31 PM on 11 Jan 2007, lynn wrote:
damn it still haven't found cigarette card no 12
At 04:33 PM on 11 Jan 2007, lynn wrote:
one last cig before I shoot myself
At 04:33 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Stella wrote:
Chav patchwork quilt, only 拢29.99
At 04:33 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Stig, London, UK wrote:
Jan 11th: 1,895 calories (no chocolate; V good) 4 glasses of wine (good) 2,567 ciggies (bad)
At 04:35 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Kieran Boyle wrote:
"Mr Ferguson, wake up Alex, wake up!"
At 04:36 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Is that a lighter in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
At 04:37 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Hi, my name's Virginia, golden Virginia.
At 04:38 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
Any references to "Old Shag" will be instantly removed from the listing.
At 04:39 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Tony Doyle wrote:
I've always loved interactive DVDs!!!
At 04:39 PM on 11 Jan 2007, lynn wrote:
Smoke too much?
Yes But when I fall down drunk I don't hurt myself
At 04:40 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Darren wrote:
鈥淭he empty packets were left discarded on the factory floor. That鈥檚 when I slipped and hurt my knee!鈥�
At 04:41 PM on 11 Jan 2007, wrote:
Bed of nails.
At 04:42 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Tony Doyle wrote:
Cough! Help ! splutter (deep breath) me (aghugh!) up...
At 04:42 PM on 11 Jan 2007, lynn wrote:
Aggy at home
At 04:48 PM on 11 Jan 2007, lynn wrote:
Found one
At 04:48 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Susan wrote:
"And to help you further,we've banned matches"
At 04:49 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
Essex is that way.
At 04:50 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Lizzie London wrote:
I'll start dressing my age, just as soon as I've finished these fags!
At 04:52 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Candace wrote:
Patsy reluctantly introduces Eddie to her American cousin Bernice
At 04:53 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
Packet in.
At 04:56 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Gillian Eaton London wrote:
The HR Manager felt Felicity was taking advantage of the allowed 'cigarette breaks' during work-time.
At 04:56 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Pat McGarry wrote:
"You have to ask if I smoke after intercourse?"
At 04:58 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Richard Peers wrote:
Sensational new photos reveal George Best in his blonde phase...
At 04:59 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Colin Nelson wrote:
"It's my last one, I swear."
At 04:59 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Richard Peers wrote:
Now all I need is 20,000 boxes of matches!
At 05:01 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Fraser wrote:
Bl**dy advertising types, all these fags are Marlboro lights!!
At 05:02 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Richard Peers wrote:
There's enough tar here to fix up my driveway!
At 05:03 PM on 11 Jan 2007, wrote:
When Laura said she would quit as soon as she finished what was left in her house, her family were not impressed!
At 05:04 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Andy Macgregor wrote:
Butlins Skegness Caravan Camp - Stop children smoking by employing old fag in arcade claw machine...
At 05:07 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Richard B wrote:
She always thought that there was no match for giving up smoking and found it a bit of a drag
At 05:07 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Sally wrote:
Well done you, you've made the right decision and I KNOW you can do it. No, no, don't bin those, just pass them over here and I'll, ummm, burn them later for you... all part of the service you know...
At 05:07 PM on 11 Jan 2007, J Bright wrote:
Jubilant at her performance in the heats, Jackie was now poised for the 14th International Needle and Haystack Competition
At 05:11 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Mike R wrote:
New Year's resolutions bring nothing but pollution to your mind, body and soul.
If your willpower is shot and you think you've had your lot, indulge in a spot of lung rot.
The fortysomething smoker who is clearly a joker dices with death with every wheezy breath.
As her lungs start to raze, she cackles her way to her early smoky grave.
She said: "Hahaha.
"I ain't just a slag with a fags in my bag, I smoke to quell the pain of this poorly written mag."
At 05:15 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Candace wrote:
Bienvenue au Club Air France
At 05:15 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Jel wrote:
De mal en pyre
At 05:18 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Prateek wrote:
my New Year's Resolution? Not to buy any more cancer-sticks... Good thing I have a few left over from last year...!
At 05:20 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Julian Nicholls wrote:
I. am. smokin'. a. fag.
At 05:20 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Mike Grimes wrote:
Tracy Emin's "My Bed - 2007"
At 05:20 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Iain wrote:
Mrs Claus struggled with her jealousy every Christmas Eve.
At 05:23 PM on 11 Jan 2007, wrote:
Enough, I'll quit! But which brand?
At 05:24 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Jip Foster wrote:
Ah-ha I did use the right form for the Caption Competition!
At 05:47 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Willie the Wino wrote:
Reports that smoking prematurely ages the skin are greatly exaggerated. Oh, and happy seventh birthday
At 05:53 PM on 11 Jan 2007, David Dee wrote:
Apple's iPhone impressed, but the BAT iSmoke stole the show.
At 05:55 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Helene Parry wrote:
Geri demonstrates the Lighters position in her new yoga video.
At 05:57 PM on 11 Jan 2007, joe wrote:
On top of old smoky?
At 05:57 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Catherine O wrote:
When Kim and Aggie went bad.
At 05:59 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Jon wrote:
Found one! (gasp, gasp, gasp) ... now someone help me get out of this skip*

*dumpster (US)
At 06:01 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Phil, Cardiff wrote:
"C'mon baby, light my fire!"
At 06:05 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
It's my tribute to the English cricket team, ashes to Ashes, geddit?
At 06:09 PM on 11 Jan 2007, David Devine wrote:
They say there's no smoke without fire as Manchester United unveil their new striker Miss Nic O'tine
At 06:13 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Greg Foulkes wrote:
Teenager denies that smoking takes years off your life...
At 06:15 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Greg Foulkes wrote:
Teenager denies that smoking takes years off your life...
At 06:26 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Rob Falconer wrote:
Smoking kills ... but falling off a high building onto thousands of empty cigarette packets saves lives
At 06:31 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Rob Falconer wrote:
I'm gonna sleep with every ambassador in London. I'm on Embassy number six at the moment.
At 06:31 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Ian Robins wrote:
Of course I smoke afterwards!
At 06:31 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Rob Falconer wrote:
I'm gonna sleep with every ambassador in London. I'm on Embassy number six at the moment.
At 06:32 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
'Ave you got a light boy?
At 06:35 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Valerie Falconer wrote:
I'm down to only ten DVD's a day now.
At 06:38 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Valerie Falconer wrote:
Another 2,000 coupons and I can order an iron lung.
At 06:42 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Offshore Alan wrote:
Jack Charlton tries a drag in drag.
At 06:48 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
No, I'm not that sort of fag hag!
At 06:53 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Candace wrote:
Ever wonder what REALLY happens in the teachers' lounge at school?
At 07:05 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
You leave my butt out of this!
At 07:09 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Sam Kleeman wrote:
"Hopefully this'll last me untill next year"
At 07:21 PM on 11 Jan 2007, LH wrote:
"Cutting down on the 20-million-a-day
habit is extremely hard, you know..."
At 07:38 PM on 11 Jan 2007, joe j wrote:
fag hag
At 07:40 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Farbod wrote:
"I swear. This is the last one!"
At 07:55 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Anne Gall (Welsh Dragon) wrote:
Well let me sleep on this first
At 07:59 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Stig wrote:
The bed? No, its absolutely fabulous, darling..
At 08:17 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Rob wrote:
Oh, you wanted me reclining on a shagpile carpet!
At 08:23 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Linda wrote:
A yer gotta loyte boy?
At 08:24 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Reuben wrote:
If you don't quit, you'll end up looking like me.
At 08:25 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Did you see that wacky warning labels about washing machines?
At 08:26 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
Does my butt look big in this?
At 08:26 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Stig wrote:
No, its not me, its my dog - he's a drag hound..
At 08:29 PM on 11 Jan 2007, linda wrote:
I knew I had one left somewhere!
At 08:33 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Alison C wrote:
'Ave you got a light, boy?
At 08:36 PM on 11 Jan 2007, sarah trieste italy wrote:
Smoke screen
At 08:36 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Kester Ford wrote:
Come on, one of you must have a light.
At 08:37 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Sean Smith wrote:
"Eh Frank...just found that Stop-Smoking DVD yer got me last Christmas..."
At 08:40 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Luke wrote:
16 year old, Sharon couldnt believe that the legal age to smoke was going up. How could she keep up her 3000 a day habit?
At 08:41 PM on 11 Jan 2007, sarah trieste italy wrote:
"This is all a smoke screen."
At 08:53 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Sean Smith wrote:
It's systematic
It's carcenegenic
Why it's grease lightning...
At 09:07 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Paulie_b wrote:
Anyone got a light?
At 09:10 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Stig wrote:
Look, my very own nicotine patch..
At 09:20 PM on 11 Jan 2007, sarah trieste italy wrote:
Smoke gets in your eyes.
At 09:43 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
I personally don't have a problem with passive smoking.
At 09:49 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
A bed of fags made with hospital corners?
At 09:54 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Anne Gall (Welsh Dragon) wrote:
Got a lightttttttttttttt mate
At 09:55 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Do you think it was a good idea to have 'Take my breath away' as the theme tune on the DVD?
At 09:58 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Mark Perryman wrote:
I am cutting down, honest!
At 10:26 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Mike Harper wrote:
This time she really was the butt of the joke.
At 10:34 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Ian wrote:
"So you don't want to quit? Then I guess you force me to keep them all. Back off. NOW!!!"
At 10:41 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Peter Kempert wrote:
Fag Hag?
At 10:46 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Helene Parry wrote:
Heather: "Money can't buy me lungs".
At 11:03 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Holy smoke Batman but Cat Woman's let her self go.
At 11:05 PM on 11 Jan 2007, wrote:
What do you mean I'm obviously not serious about quitting?
At 11:18 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
Drag queen.
At 11:22 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Dennis wrote:
low tart
At 11:22 PM on 11 Jan 2007, David Dee wrote:
It worked for me - I haven't watched telly for a week!
At 11:27 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Scott Humm wrote:
Paul McKenna went to new lengths to sell his DVDs.
At 11:27 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Scott Humm wrote:
Ikea's new "recycled wood sofa" wasn't quite what Margaret had expected.
At 11:32 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Scott Humm wrote:
"This cannabis is rubbish" retorted Margaret, as she sailed through the Arabian desert on a magic carpet of cigarette boxes.
At 11:34 PM on 11 Jan 2007, Scott Humm wrote:
Dot Brannings's Friday night.
At 12:24 AM on 12 Jan 2007, CJ wrote:
Yes... I know I said we were going to the Big Smoke
At 12:30 AM on 12 Jan 2007, John wrote:
Pass me the vestas... I'll be finished by 4:00... (cough...)
At 02:18 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Phil wrote:
I'll take that audioguide madam and would you please leave the gallery now.
At 02:18 AM on 12 Jan 2007, wrote:
The latest tobacco pack warning: Smoking makes you frumpy.
At 05:03 AM on 12 Jan 2007, sarah trieste italy wrote:
The Video-clip for Morrissey's Eurovision Song Contest entry.
At 05:10 AM on 12 Jan 2007, sarah trieste italy wrote:
No, I'm illiterate.
At 05:11 AM on 12 Jan 2007, sarah trieste italy wrote:
Pass my glasses. I want to read the instructions on the box.
At 05:20 AM on 12 Jan 2007, sarah trieste italy wrote:
From now on I'm keeping it all at arm's length.
At 05:24 AM on 12 Jan 2007, sarah trieste italy wrote:
I'm fagged out.
At 05:41 AM on 12 Jan 2007, David Dee wrote:
Trust me - half an hour in make-up and we've got a dead ringer for Kate Middleton.
At 05:46 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Tim King wrote:
Smoking makes me look more mature . . . I'm only 19.
At 06:00 AM on 12 Jan 2007, sarah trieste italy wrote:
Help! I'm a celebrity. Drag me out of here!
At 06:49 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Andy Phillips wrote:
I'll give up just after I've finished these packs.....honest!
At 07:09 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Diana demonstrated that it was only wine that improves with age.
At 07:21 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Helen wrote:
"Fag hag"
At 07:27 AM on 12 Jan 2007, David Dee wrote:
And it's interactive fun for the kiddies, too. Just click on her nicotine patch and she blows a smoke-ring.
At 07:32 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
But just think how much money I'll have saved after the next budget.
At 07:44 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Alan J. Heath wrote:
After 35 years of smoking, the nicotine hadn't quite reached her knees.
At 08:05 AM on 12 Jan 2007, David Dee wrote:
They're nicotine-free and come in yonks of scrummy flavours. This one's Hamster Scratchings.
At 08:06 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Tim McMahon wrote:

1)Top tip=Pack-et in?
2)'Laurel' from Emmerdale thinks of Ash-ley ?
3)Losing 'the Ashes' again.
At 08:08 AM on 12 Jan 2007, derrick wrote:
Lois Lane's decline had been almost total after Clark Kent hit the big time
At 08:09 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Dick Hill wrote:
woman has enough cigarette coupons after 30 years of smoking to buy a new artificial leg
At 08:12 AM on 12 Jan 2007, derrick wrote:
Smoke gets in your thighs
At 08:19 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Mary Gallacher wrote:
LIGHTER??
At 08:20 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
For the last time, does anyone have a light?
At 08:22 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
No, this is AFTER I've cut down!
At 08:22 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
Yeah, hand me that mackerel and I'll do you a kipper.
At 08:24 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
We agreed my resolutions in secret. In a smoke-filled room.
At 08:28 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Steve Ferguson wrote:
Fags for the memories
At 08:32 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Kim Bumgardener wrote:
Stuff my new years resolution give me a light biatch
At 08:33 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Pete Setters wrote:
Ah, at long last - a picture of my ideal woman
At 08:35 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Simon Graves wrote:
Haha, knew I had one left somewhere!
At 08:37 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Melvin wrote:
A David Hockney wet dream
At 08:38 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Tarquin Flapps wrote:
Look what smoking 100-a-day did to Adolf Hitler
At 08:41 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Phil wrote:
And for my second wish, I'd like ...
At 08:44 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Gravo wrote:
Camilla Parker Bowles shows us why she got those wrinkles.
At 08:47 AM on 12 Jan 2007, vay wrote:
Come on! Britain's foreign policy must be on the back of one of these!
At 08:48 AM on 12 Jan 2007, derrick wrote:
slowly, inexorably, the fag slipped into oblivion
At 08:52 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Paul Weavers wrote:
Carol Kirkwood takes a break between presenting the weather forecasts
At 09:03 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Chris Stephen wrote:
Day 72: Pete Docherty's skip remains unemptied.
At 09:06 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:
Kate Moss begins her new career as a Drag Queen
At 09:09 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:
Filter tips? No...they're all natural.
At 09:11 AM on 12 Jan 2007, PJ, West Yorks, thelbiq.co.uk wrote:
Smoker's Digest Centrefold of the Month...
At 09:12 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Sarah, Trieste, Italy wrote:
I like me bangers 'n' 'ash.

or

I like me bangers wiv 'ash
At 09:14 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Sarah, Trieste, Italy wrote:
Look what giving up MM for New Year has reduced me too!
At 09:15 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:
Fag Ash Lil's Horoscope: Cancer ...most probably.
At 09:16 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:
Says she found them under benches & hedges
At 09:16 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Jade, the latter years.
At 09:22 AM on 12 Jan 2007, trish wrote:
oi mate! chuck us a lighter wouldya?
At 09:23 AM on 12 Jan 2007, MarkG wrote:
Princess Margaret, c 31st December 1973
At 09:25 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:
I can give up any time I want
At 09:27 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:
FOREST Calendar's Miss January: Elsie 'One-Lung' Dogbreath
At 09:28 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Mark Zimmerman wrote:
Superman notices side effects of smoking not mentioned in health warning
At 09:30 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
Sorry. It's my last one.
At 09:30 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
I'm giving up the day after the day after the day after tomorrow.
At 09:32 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:
A Blonde's Guide to Rolling Your Own Cigarettes
At 09:33 AM on 12 Jan 2007, L wrote:
I told you I hated the neighbours......
At 09:36 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Bryan wrote:
New years resolutions up in smoke
At 09:38 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Phil Keene wrote:
Anyone got a light?
At 09:43 AM on 12 Jan 2007, David Dee wrote:
No, dearie, that's not going to work. Try the remote.
At 09:45 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Stig, London, UK wrote:
Behind the scenes at the Home Office's filing department
At 09:48 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:
大象传媒 reveals new presenter for Daytime TV "Ash in the Attic"
At 09:48 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Europes fags and slags mountain continues to grow.
At 09:50 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Welcome back to 'It's Friday night in Newcastle'.
At 09:52 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Jim wrote:
New advert for the 'Fags Lottery'
At 09:52 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
What not to ...
At 09:53 AM on 12 Jan 2007, hart chalmers wrote:
I told you we'd make it through customs
At 09:59 AM on 12 Jan 2007, paddy wrote:
Typical, I wanted an ashtray for Christmas but I got this bloody DVD.
At 10:04 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Ian wrote:
"And next year I'll go on a diet".
At 10:07 AM on 12 Jan 2007, wrote:
Tracy Emin: "Bed? What bed?"
At 10:07 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Robert Marriott wrote:
I knew there was one more in here somewhere!
At 10:09 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Ready for my close-up Mr du Maurier.
At 10:17 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Dan B wrote:
"Nymphomaniac Of The Year" gets set for a long night.
At 10:17 AM on 12 Jan 2007, wrote:
"Chocolate Factory? I thought you said Cigarette Factory!"
At 10:25 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Mark Bell wrote:
A father who attempted to stop his 13 year old daughter from using cigarettes by forcing her to smoke one packet per day, finally admits defeat.
At 10:28 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Matt Lee wrote:
Why should I worry that Smoking can cause thrombosis and subsequent limb loss
At 10:29 AM on 12 Jan 2007, MJF wrote:
I know I said it was my last one 592 packets ago but this really is my last one.
At 10:29 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Rachel Armstrong wrote:
I'll stop smoking when all these packets I got for christmas are finished
At 10:30 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Richard Downey wrote:
Gimme 5 minutes - it's the last one.
At 10:31 AM on 12 Jan 2007, MJF wrote:
"It's the last time I clean Keith Richard's house," said Kim Woodburn from 鈥楬ow Clean Is Your House?鈥�
At 10:32 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:
I know this geezer wot makes Ash-Trays out of DVDs !
At 10:35 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Saj wrote:
What would Cig Mound Freud say about this dream???
At 10:36 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Martin Payne wrote:
Beckham signs new sponsorship deal
At 10:36 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Martin Payne wrote:
Ash to Ashes
At 10:38 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Adam wrote:
The customes and excise christmas party is held in January this year
At 10:48 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Adam wrote:
Nicorette deny that their latest product has been causing hallucinations in their customers
At 10:54 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Alan Addison wrote:
Hearing that the bailiffs are on their way, Senga McSporran resident of the East Neuk in Fife, insists "they are nae gonna get ma fags or ma Daniel O'Donnell DVD"
At 10:55 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Rachel wrote:
Sandra regretted trying to score a free packet of ciggies by sticking her hand up the vending machine.
At 10:55 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Ian wrote:
The perks of working for Customs & Excise
At 11:00 AM on 12 Jan 2007, David Dee wrote:
Virginia even has her own fan club. It's called Vent-Axia.
At 11:05 AM on 12 Jan 2007, trina wrote:
Notice: Since the annual fire preventation review the designated smoking area is now closed.
At 11:08 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Martin wrote:
CAPTION COMP
"Smoke-aholic, fags and lipstick exhales halitosis"
At 11:09 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Mike W, Bookham wrote:
I'm the Head Girl of St. Trinians - get away from my bike shed!
At 11:11 AM on 12 Jan 2007, John Coulthard wrote:
Police blame computer failure for Room 101 miscalculation.
At 11:14 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Scott B wrote:
Yeah, 2 days now.. the hallucinations are getting quite bad..
At 11:21 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Nick McDonnell wrote:
Packet in!
At 11:25 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Nick McDonnell wrote:
Joan of Arc 2007
At 11:26 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Liz wrote:
Don't worry, they'll all be smoked by Christmas
At 11:28 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Nick McDonnell wrote:
Yes officer, they are all for personal consumption
At 11:30 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Eckert DeNinno wrote:
Hey darling, I only smoke this much to keep my youthful girlish looks and figure.
At 11:32 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Nick McDonnell wrote:
Told you I'd find one
At 11:34 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
The 大象传媒 is to investigate complaints of excessive product placement in a recent episode of Eastenders.
At 11:36 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Peter Thompson wrote:
Having been granted her wish of a pack a day while in solitary confinement when they opened the cell door after ten years the first thing she said was, "Anyone got a light?"
At 11:39 AM on 12 Jan 2007, J Whitehorn wrote:
Thay are all mine and Duty Free. No tax for this Government!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At 11:39 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Kevin Riggs wrote:
"Chez Lung"
At 11:40 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Maggie wrote:
Only ten more packs to go - then I get free entry into a draw to win a year's supply of the things.
At 11:44 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Sean Smith wrote:
"Promise I'll quit...just as soon as I finish off these last few fags"
At 11:45 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Anne wrote:
I told you there would be an accident if someone didn't clear up the mess behind the bike shed!
At 11:50 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
Smokey and the banned it.
At 11:53 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Mal wrote:
The Big brother task to lay on a bed of coughing nails was funny than expected
At 11:55 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
Dot Cotton features on How to Look Ten Years Younger.
At 11:57 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
The stress of being pursued by the paparazzi was finally getting to Kate.
At 11:59 AM on 12 Jan 2007, Kris Siefken wrote:
"Who says smoking ages the skin? I don't look a day older than my 23 years", says cigarette company's promo girl.
At 12:01 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
Nicky Hambleton-Jones? Hmm, didn't you used to host a TV programme?
At 12:01 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
Gillian McKeith - The Wilderness Years.
At 12:02 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Sarah, Trieste, Italy wrote:
God!!! But you were wonderful!!!!
At 12:04 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
Nicky Hambleton-Jones had always liked a challenge.
At 12:04 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Dan Budden wrote:
Lady enjoys her stay at the Packet Inn
At 12:04 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Well at least I've got a hobby, smoking is a hobby.
At 12:04 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Mal wrote:
The Big brother task to sleep on a bed of coughing nails was funnier than expected
At 12:05 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
If Ingres had been sponsored by Phillip Morris....
At 12:06 PM on 12 Jan 2007, MARK JONES wrote:
Sentence for smoking in public, confinement for two days with unlimited cigarettes. Oh! forgot to mention no matches or lighters.
At 12:08 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
The Chokeby Venus
At 12:09 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Sarah, Trieste, Italy wrote:
He went out for a packet of fags and I never saw him again.
At 12:09 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Sarah, Trieste, Italy wrote:
Come back and see me sometime. We'll have a gas together.
At 12:11 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Sarah, Trieste, Italy wrote:
Baby, come and light my fire.
At 12:13 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Jim wrote:
You to can look this good on 600 packets a day !
At 12:16 PM on 12 Jan 2007, RusselV wrote:
Amanda relives her nightmare of running out of matches.
At 12:17 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Martin wrote:
This year I resolve not to be attacted to areas where people have been dumping cigarette packets and falling over them...
At 12:22 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Sarah, Trieste, Italy wrote:
Ha Ha Fooled you. You thought I'd given up, didn't you?
At 12:23 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Sue wrote:
GOTTIT! Now, where's the lighter?
At 12:23 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Sarah, Trieste, Italy wrote:
David Copperfield will now make his assistant go up in smoke.
At 12:23 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Martin wrote:
FOUND ONE !!
At 12:25 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Stig, London, UK wrote:
Employees at the cigarette factory limber up for their annual medical..
At 12:26 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Tony Doyle wrote:
Hope it's not too late for entries..

Come die with me...
At 12:26 PM on 12 Jan 2007, phil wrote:
Fag Hag
At 12:27 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Pete Hazell wrote:
Says drunkenly "Hah, And I didn't even drop the shigarette......"
At 12:34 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Martin Ruck wrote:
Fag pile carpet
At 12:38 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Pete Hazell wrote:
Mavis was so elated to find that upon counting the empty packets she had finally managed to cut down on her weekly cigarette intake......
At 12:39 PM on 12 Jan 2007, P wrote:
I said I would give up smoking, not drinking!
At 12:40 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Mark wrote:
Got it! A low tar, menthol, filter-tipped, Peruvian - after all these years of collecting!
At 12:40 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Clem wrote:
Typical... Left my lighter at home again.
At 12:41 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Michelle wrote:
No, seriously, I smoke cos it makes me look cool and sexy...
At 12:41 PM on 12 Jan 2007, kEITH FOX wrote:
Caption Comp.
" Got a Light, Boy !!! "
At 12:41 PM on 12 Jan 2007, T ROCHFORD wrote:
THAT 10,563RD CIG FINALY GIVES BETTY THAT BUZZ SHE WAS LOOKING FOR.
At 12:42 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Doug Nolan wrote:
"Whaddya mean 'The lighter's underneath this lot'?"
At 12:43 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
Carmen a la mode.
At 12:45 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Kath Lloyd wrote:
I didn't manage to give up but I did have fun trying.
At 12:45 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Rob Delaney wrote:
Kids: This 16 year old girl was a total hottie before she started lighting up only 14 days ago. Don't smoke.
At 12:48 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
Carmen get it!
At 12:50 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Robin, Edinburgh wrote:
Bridget Jones 3 - beyond all reason
At 12:50 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Martin wrote:
Old Fag
At 12:52 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
When you said use patches I thought you said matches...
At 01:01 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Valerie wrote:
Tracy Emin's latest work includes a startlingly life-like model of Christine Hamilton
At 01:02 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Martin Payne wrote:
"Climb every mountain" has new meaning
At 01:02 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Valerie wrote:
Horrifying new figures about binge-smoking emerge
At 01:07 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Clem wrote:
How clean is /your/ house, Aggy?
At 01:08 PM on 12 Jan 2007, Ian Hill wrote:
Who're you calling Granny? I'm 26!