大象传媒

Punorama

12:12 UK time, Wednesday, 10 January 2007

morrissey.203.jpg
It's punorama result time again.

We provide the story and you provide the pun. This week it was the news that former Smiths singer Morrissey is in talks to write the UK's entry for this year's Eurovision Song Contest.

The 大象传媒 says it's in talks with the singer to write and possibly perform a track for this year's contest in May.

There's obviously a lot of Smiths fans out there and many of you were thinking along the same lines when it came to using song titles.

How soon is nul? was suggested by Jason Witcher, while El went for How soon is nul-point? and Joel for How soon is naff?

Heaven know's it's pop drivel now was sent in by Stuart, Heaven knows I'm musical now by Pix6 in Vienna and Helsinki Knows I'm Miserable Now by Ruaraidh Gillies and Luke W - to name just a few.

There was also Nill Points Strikes Again! from C J and Bigmouth's Trite Again from Stuart.

Looking to Eurovision for inspiration was Steve with Brotherhood of Moan and Dave Smith with Theres Nul Point in carrying on.

Honourable mention to Tim knott for Alas, Smiths and Moans.

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Comments

At 12:37 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Mary Gallacher wrote:
Panic on the streets of Finland!
At 12:38 PM on 09 Jan 2007, wrote:
He'll Never Be Anybody's Hero Now
At 12:43 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
The Smiths tone again
At 12:45 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Hazel Love wrote:
Contrary to his ultra liberal stance, former Smiths singer, Mauricey will be singing a selection of songs from the 'Aristocrats'...ooops sorry, the 'Aristocats'.
At 12:46 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Andrew wrote:
UK Eurovision hopes sounding gloomy
At 12:47 PM on 09 Jan 2007, lynn wrote:
Scrape out the barrel
At 12:48 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
Heaven knows I'm musical now
At 12:52 PM on 09 Jan 2007, wrote:
"At Last I am Bjorn"
At 12:54 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Mike Monk wrote:
"SAVE YOUR SMITHS MISS FROM ME"
At 12:59 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Mark wrote:
There's a place in Helsinki for me and my friends.
At 01:00 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Phil, Cardiff wrote:
That joke isn't funny anymore.
At 01:02 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Ruaraidh Gillies wrote:
Helsinki Knows I'm Miserable Now
At 01:03 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Phil, Cardiff wrote:
Panic on the streets of Helsinki.
At 01:04 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Valerie Falconer wrote:
Dull points
At 01:04 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
The Gladiolator
At 01:04 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Valerie Falconer wrote:
No Congratulations for the UK
At 01:07 PM on 09 Jan 2007, lynn wrote:
Mr Smith goes to Helsinki
At 01:08 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
Frankly, Mr Wogan
At 01:08 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Helene Parry wrote:
William, It Was All Kinds Of Everything
At 01:08 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Rob Falconer wrote:
UK to meet their Waterloo
At 01:09 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Rob Falconer wrote:
No point - null points
At 01:10 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Robin, Edinburgh wrote:
When the Smith hits the fan
At 01:11 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Helene Parry wrote:
How Soon Is Hold Me Now?
At 01:13 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Helene Parry wrote:
Love Shine A Light That Never Goes Out
At 01:14 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Chris wrote:
Scores for UK Eurovision entry:

(in a thick French accent)

" DULL POINT "
At 01:15 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Charles, USA wrote:
Eurovision on a star, makes no difference who you are!
At 01:16 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
Brotherhood of Manchester
At 01:18 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Hopefully he'll start something he couldn't finish
At 01:18 PM on 09 Jan 2007, JR wrote:
Irish Blood English Heart but No Chance
At 01:18 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Helene Parry wrote:
Brotherhood of Manchester
At 01:19 PM on 09 Jan 2007, wrote:
Euro the one for me, Fatty
At 01:22 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Some hurls are bigger than others
At 01:22 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
Alas, ex-Smiths moans
At 01:23 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Helene Parry wrote:
Downer international
At 01:24 PM on 09 Jan 2007, wrote:
eurovision knows I'm miserable now
At 01:26 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Rich E wrote:
I haven't got (a) kitsch to wear...
At 01:28 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Tony Doyle wrote:
Commiserations and Consternations (I want the world to know how miserable I can be)
At 01:28 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Europe in a coma
At 01:30 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Mark Esdale wrote:
Heaven knows you'll be miserable now

- or -

Woe? Whoa, Wogan!
At 01:30 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
Louder Than Songs
At 01:31 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
Muppet on a Sing
At 01:31 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
How Soon Is Growl?
At 01:31 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Tony Doyle wrote:
You make your mind up... I don't care...
At 01:31 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Black Smiths
At 01:32 PM on 09 Jan 2007, wrote:
Bremen Knows I'm Miserable Now

Bigmouth Strikes Ardennes
At 01:33 PM on 09 Jan 2007, wrote:
The Integrity Is Dead
At 01:33 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Tony Doyle wrote:
Le Royaume-Uni nil points...
At 01:34 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
Create Is Murder
At 01:34 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Save all your Prozac for Me
At 01:35 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
Go Where Fast?
At 01:36 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Baz Hipwell wrote:
"Entire Nation In A Coma"

"Heaven Knows We're Miserable Now"

"A Rush And A Push And The Eurovision Is Ours"

"What Difference Will It Make?"

"There's A Place In The Eurovision For Me And My Friends"
At 01:36 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
How Soon Is Howl?
At 01:37 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
UK: null points
At 01:37 PM on 09 Jan 2007, wrote:
Gloom Bang A Bang
At 01:37 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
Shakespeare's Mister
At 01:38 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
That Joke Isn't Punny Anymore
At 01:39 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
Shakespeare's Mr.
At 01:43 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Tony Doyle wrote:
United Kingdom: Dull Points...
At 01:46 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:
Heats Are Murder
At 01:51 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Kieran Boyle wrote:
Heaven Knows I'm Les Miserables Now.
At 01:52 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Stoo wrote:
Hang the EU
At 01:52 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Victoria Jones wrote:
How about:

"Panic In The Streets of Riga; Tallin, Kiev, Istanbul"

(being the last 4 venues of the eurovision song contest.... obviously)

Victoria Jones
Manchester
At 01:53 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Sam Clinton wrote:
A Rush and a Push and Finland is Ours
At 01:54 PM on 09 Jan 2007, stuart wrote:
What's the *point*?
(Try it in a Luxembourg Jury voice)
At 01:54 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Jake Perks wrote:
Morrissey's first name is Stephen, so:
"Stephen Take A Bow"
or, since it's taking place in Helsinki:
"I Started Something I Couldn't Finnish"

Ho hum ...!
At 01:56 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Sam Clinton wrote:
Satan rejexted my soul, s I sold it to Eurovision!
At 01:56 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Mike Grimes wrote:
Ne Partez Pas Sans Moz
At 01:59 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Stuart wrote:
A Wrong for Europe
At 01:59 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Stuart wrote:
Heaven know's it's pop drivel now...
At 02:00 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Stuart wrote:
Bigmouth's Trite Again
At 02:00 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Lee Pike wrote:
Why-oh-why-me? Zero Points
At 02:06 PM on 09 Jan 2007, David Davies wrote:
Morrissey "save all your hisses for me"

OR

Morrissey decides to end career by doing eurovision.

OR

Girlfriend in a Coma? She will be when she hears the news!

OR

"You're a vision" compliment lands Morrissey in hot water.

OR

Making his mind up, Morrissey ponders suicide.
At 02:10 PM on 09 Jan 2007, MJF wrote:
Morosevision
At 02:11 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Lee Pike wrote:
Gloomy-vision Song Contest
At 02:13 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Ian C wrote:
Heavens, we'll beat Israel now.
At 02:15 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Rich E wrote:
Wogan knows I'm miserable now
At 02:15 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Lee Pike wrote:
Deux-spondent points
At 02:19 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Brian Ritchie wrote:
Heavens Knows, I'm Ms. Risible Now
At 02:22 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Lee Pike wrote:
Eurovision Knows I'm Miserable Now
At 02:24 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Neil Reading, Stafford wrote:
Euro The Quarry
At 02:27 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Bev Mackenzie wrote:
Europe knows I'm miserable now
At 02:27 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Bev Mackenzie wrote:
Bigmouth strikes again
At 02:30 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Writers rain
At 02:31 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Writer's rain

With added apostrophe!
At 02:33 PM on 09 Jan 2007, wrote:
The World Won't Listen
At 02:39 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Bev Mackenzie wrote:
Wogan in a tutu
At 02:48 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Julian Waldron wrote:
Eurovision 2007 UK Entry - sponsored by Prozac. A free razor blade with every vote.
At 02:49 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Andy Hudson wrote:
Still Nil
At 02:52 PM on 09 Jan 2007, wrote:
Eurovision are the quarry
At 03:14 PM on 09 Jan 2007, ninja steve wrote:
William in was really nul points.
At 03:14 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Down, down deeper and down
At 03:16 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Tim Knott wrote:
Eu have killed me!
At 03:19 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Tim Knott wrote:
Alas, Smiths and Moans
At 03:20 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Tim Knott wrote:
Wogan Knows I'm Miserable Now
At 03:28 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Philip Lickley wrote:
Irish Blood, English Heart, "Finnish" Last
At 03:30 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Tim Knott wrote:
Panic on the streets of Helsinki
At 03:30 PM on 09 Jan 2007, davocat wrote:
Eurovision won't be marr-ed by Morrissey performance.
At 03:34 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Jel wrote:
Can't wait - Morrisey dancing, just what Eurovision needs!
At 03:42 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Helene Parry wrote:
Ooh, ahh, just a little bitter
At 03:44 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Candace wrote:
Eurovision Begins at Home
At 03:45 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Kip wrote:
Does going into Europe make him the Morrisey Traveller?
At 03:50 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Phil wrote:
The Spleen is Dead
At 04:00 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Joel wrote:
How soon is naff?
At 04:03 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Candace wrote:
Strange days here we come
At 04:07 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Martin wrote:
Given the Contest鈥檚 rabid following among us gayers, surely a re-recording of the great man's "Shirtlifters Of The World Unite" is inevitable?
At 04:07 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Helene Parry wrote:
Dour to all our friends
At 04:07 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Jon Bright wrote:
Euro-cringing when wrong song-affects
At 04:08 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Candace wrote:
Smiths-Ionian Resolution
At 04:08 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Neil wrote:
Heaven knows we're really, well and truly, utterly, completely, unsalvageably miserable now.
At 04:12 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Luke W wrote:
Helsinki knows I'm miserable now
At 04:13 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Candace wrote:
A bong for Europe
At 04:20 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Pix6, Vienna wrote:
The Sound of Musing
At 04:23 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Candace wrote:
Another night at the Apollo
At 04:23 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Graeme, Dundee wrote:
"William, it was really nul points"
At 04:27 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Candace wrote:
Harangue the DJ
At 04:30 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Paul Robinson wrote:
Euro-Smiths on Song Contest
At 04:31 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Luke W wrote:
Never had nil points ever
At 04:32 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Dan B wrote:
"The Best In The Gang To Try"
At 04:36 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Luke W wrote:
There's a place in Helsinki for me and my friends
At 04:44 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Brian McGeeney wrote:
Here are the results of the Galway jury:

EURO THE ONE FOR ME, FATTY

BROTHERHOOD OF MANC

GLOOM BANG A BANG
At 04:44 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Robin, Edinburgh wrote:
The King is Dead
At 04:46 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Dire traits
At 04:46 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:
Top yourself of the Pops
At 04:50 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:
This German Man
At 04:51 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Robin, Edinburgh wrote:
Not really relevant but:

"The Dancing Queen is Dead"
At 04:54 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Helene Parry wrote:
Dirge Gainsbourg
At 04:59 PM on 09 Jan 2007, James Hayward wrote:
Viewers in a Coma
At 05:00 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Tom Hartland wrote:
Eurovision? No more I say!
At 05:05 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Mark wrote:
Eurovision? Let's make the story more depressing...
At 05:15 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Steve wrote:
Brotherhood of Moan
At 05:42 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Richard - Bedford wrote:
Reasons to be cheerful?
At 05:46 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Sarah, Dartmouth, NS wrote:
Con-glad-ulations.
At 06:05 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Stig wrote:
Making your wind-up, Morrissey?
At 06:09 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Stig wrote:
Heaven knows Europe's miserable now..
At 06:12 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Phil, Cardiff wrote:
Lordi knows we're miserable now.
At 06:17 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Phil, Cardiff wrote:
Swedehead

(originally Suedehead, from his 1st solo album; but if you have to explain it, it isn't funny)
At 06:18 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Stig wrote:
He's started something he couldn't Finnish
At 06:26 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Stig wrote:
Over the Cliff Richard..

or just

Over the Cliff..
At 06:37 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Helene Parry wrote:
Gloom Bang-A-Bang
At 07:09 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
Morrissey backed by The Samaritans.
At 07:09 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Brian Gunn wrote:
Tunesmith
At 07:18 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Scott Humm wrote:
Morriseying your mind up!
At 07:19 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Sam Kleeman wrote:
Eurovision win via Eurosmith
At 07:25 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Candace wrote:
I'm Not Lordi
At 07:26 PM on 09 Jan 2007, scott humm wrote:
Like a puppet on a Smith
At 07:37 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Dorothy wrote:
Helsinki knows I'm miserable now.
At 08:06 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Candace wrote:
Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This Won Before
At 08:11 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Candace wrote:
Please, Please, Please Let Me Vet What I Want
At 08:23 PM on 09 Jan 2007, sarah, trieste, italy wrote:
Wobegan Morrissey
At 08:25 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Michael Houghton wrote:
We Hate It When The French Become Successful
At 09:20 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Jason Witcher wrote:
How soon is nul
At 09:20 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Bill Tasker wrote:
Two thousand and seven shows I'm miserable now.
At 09:26 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Bill Tasker wrote:
Mighty fine lead ballons

Let's be honest we want to lose so as not to have to host the show the following year.
At 09:42 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Muhammad Isa wrote:
Un point a vulgar picture
At 09:56 PM on 09 Jan 2007, wrote:
Heaven Knows I'm Israel Now

I Started Something I Couldn't Finnish

Girlfriend in Ancona
At 10:11 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Colin Nelson wrote:
Morrissey, You're a vision of misery
At 10:28 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Jaker wrote:
They are putting a gun to his head, now they are killing him,
Just like the title to his song.
Don't do it, don鈥檛 go on, "Eurovision", or that reality won鈥檛 be long!
At 10:33 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
It's the Smiths field for something offal.
At 10:53 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Rajat wrote:

"Moping your mind up"
At 10:54 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Duncan wrote:
William, William was it really nul points?
At 10:59 PM on 09 Jan 2007, el wrote:
How soon is nul-point?
At 11:27 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Dickie wrote:
"so now, if only I could remember my real name...."
At 11:36 PM on 09 Jan 2007, James wrote:
EU are the quarry
At 11:40 PM on 09 Jan 2007, Stig wrote:
Eurovision wrong contest-ant
At 12:12 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Stella wrote:
Sven knows I'm miserable now.
At 12:15 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Stig wrote:
My lovely Hor-issey
At 02:02 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Murray Milne wrote:
The more I see you
At 03:15 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Brett wrote:
Heaven Knows I'm miserable nul.
At 03:41 AM on 10 Jan 2007, C J wrote:
Nill Points Strikes Again!
or
Sweden Knows I'm Miserable Now
At 04:58 AM on 10 Jan 2007, sarah trieste italy wrote:
Smith's fret work
At 06:35 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Phil wrote:
Morrissey Prancing.
At 06:39 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Phil wrote:
More EC.
At 07:20 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:
More reasons to flop with Morrissey
At 08:42 AM on 10 Jan 2007, PJ, West Yorks, thelbiq.co.uk wrote:
Woe-gan
At 08:44 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Peter Judge, Brighouse thelbiq.co.uk wrote:
Our new woe vision contestant
At 08:46 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Peter Judge, Brighouse thelbiq.co.uk wrote:
Your woe vision song contestant
At 08:53 AM on 10 Jan 2007, MATT R wrote:
The obvious really..........

Tune Smith?
At 08:53 AM on 10 Jan 2007, wrote:
Bucks Moz
At 08:57 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Pip wrote:
Heaven knows we'll be miserable again...
At 09:04 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Nicola Judd wrote:
The boy with the corn in his stride
At 10:12 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Dave Smith wrote:
"Save your hisses for me "
At 10:16 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Susan wrote:
Euromission-him possible?
At 10:16 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Andy Smith wrote:
"Muppet on a fling "
At 10:18 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Dave Smith wrote:
"Theres Nul Point in carrying on "
At 10:21 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Andy Smith wrote:
"Boom bang-a-Bang go our chances of winning"
At 10:25 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Andy Smith wrote:
"What a loo ( ser ),
he was defeated before the start.....
"What a loo ( ser ),
sad old has been who betrayed his art"
At 10:26 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Dave Smith wrote:
"Un banc, un arbre, une rue, un pile of ordure...."
At 10:28 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Dave Smith wrote:
"Love, Shine a light....i cant get my trousers off....."
At 10:30 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Dave Smith wrote:
"Why Me?"
( 1992 winner )
At 10:32 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Andy Smith wrote:
Refrain ( from voting for me )

1956 winner
At 10:35 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Dave Smith wrote:
All Kinds Of Everything ('s gonna get more votes than UK )
At 10:35 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Dave Smith wrote:
What's another year................. ( of getting fewer votes than lichtenstein ) ?
At 10:37 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Sophie wrote:
Bigmouth strikes again!
At 10:56 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Muhammad Isa wrote:
Europe got everything now
At 11:04 AM on 10 Jan 2007, Willie The Wino wrote:
"...And heaven knows I'm Miss Ireland now..."
At 12:08 PM on 10 Jan 2007, Tony wrote:
Euro the one for me, fatty
At 12:14 PM on 10 Jan 2007, Nick Jones wrote:
Eurosmith
At 12:31 PM on 10 Jan 2007, wrote:
Morrissey for Eurovision: Heaven Knows its Farcical Now!