大象传媒

Found a good story about drink driving:

how do i submit something that may be good enough for your show?

You must have heard of the blackmailing porn virus (take that to imply anything you like!)

heres a good one about a person in bury getting a gsce for riding the bus

Hi Russel i love your show this is my second post so i hope these one's makes it to the show that would really make my day so in the first link it is saying that the Taliban Leader is going to retire and create peace

This post is on about the Prime Minister of Norway stranded in New York and cannot make it back to Norway so he is governing the country from his Apple I-Pad this story i believe would be great for the Technology segment of the show this is the link

This is my favourite post i found its about a Tabby cat named Charles who walked from New Mexico to Chicago that is a massive 1,300 miles so after walking all this distance he is getting a complimentary flight back to his home here is the link

Please can atleast one of these stories make the show so i can impress everyone at school because we are all big fans of the show please may you choose one of these stories so that i can have my name in the credits please

here another mad one about a person who has been fined for witing something inappropriate in his cookery book.

butchers not being able to use knives at sainburys !!!

cross dressing students in american school

School in america outrage for making boys dress as girls.

imagine waking up to this

I wouldn't want to be the victim in this story

In show 4, Russel commented on how you never see a homeless person with a cat - I beg to differ. In central London, (usualy Covent Garden) there is an amazing homeless guy who has the most gorgeous ginger Tomcat keeping him company. He's perfectly contented to sit with him and not run away, when the guy travels about, the cat goes on his shoulder. In winter, the cat gets bundled up in a little "Santa Paws" jacket and sits contentedly on a scarf! The guy feeds him on a bag of kibbles he keeps in his pocket and, for donations, lets passers-by feed him too - the cat will take them right out of your hand and is so freindly.
He was even recently featured in The Big Issue!
Seeing him always brings a big soppy smile to my face and proves Russel wrong!

Or the victim in this story! ouch

i think this is really funny but stupid a OAP about 70 years old is advertising a well known computer game's downloadable content and he say's it all as if he is on about sex, here take a look...

There is a brilliant joke going around about the volcanic erruption in Iceland, it goes like this:

I'm voting for the Icelandic Volcano Party. It's done more to stop immigration in the last 5 days than labour has done in the last 10 years!

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Hi why was there no extra show this week?(17th April)

Have you seen this fantastic special needs web series set in Brighton? It's just been nominated for 2 Webby Awards aka "the Oscars of the Web" for Best Documentary Series & Best Reality.

Mad, but awesome guy who lost a bet and so is now running as MP for the Cities of London and Westminster AS A PIRATE!

Love his policies, weird but probably better than any of the other candidates running and certainly makes politics more interesting! Pitty I don't live there otherwise he'd have my vote.

His election site with a great video is at:

A croc jumped in the poll during an aqua aerobics class - bad new for the aerobics, good news for the speed swimming class!



I would have been more suspicious if a posh punter with big ears, who looked like an extra from 'Last Of The Summer Wine', tried to put a bet on the date of the next coronation!

If the wedding goes ahead will there be a crap disco like every other wedding with the embarrassing relations dancing? Prince Phillip singing along to 'if you'd like to chat a matador...' or Uncle Edward 'Come on everyone it's The Village People.... Y.M.C.A...'



This story is ridiculous! Who would want to see bare breasts more than a baby?

Queen asked to help tackle 'Asbo' swan.


Saw something in the Independant (Todays) about Lembit Opik calling someone Frodo (I think it might've been Cameron) Made me laugh.

Gotta love Google street view sometimes
The Stig spotted in Legoland

Woman caught on Street view 43 times as the car follows her for half a mile as she walks dog.

hey one thing that I've noticed around my town (bolton) it that the conservatives have started putting up posters against Gordon brown...there huge and show a really bad photo of him with comments... maybe you could edit it to say something else thats funny here's one of the posters:

hey russell i have some local news.. local news is on this link and i didn't know you wore glasses..x RUSSELL I LOVE YOU xxx

A local story from Portsmouth about a drug dealers attempt to clear himself. Read the full story here

one end of the class spectrum meets the other

This old people doing some pranks, I found it funny as hell.

Good story about a west country women who has Foreign Accent Syndrome (FAS). The woman from Devon has begun speaking with a Chinese accent after suffering severe migraines. The women said "I spoke to my stepdaughter on the phone from hospital and she didn't recognise who I was. "She said I sounded Chinese. Since then I have had my friends hanging up on me because they think I'm a hoax caller."

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This is a news report from Australia. A man was attacked by a dog, and then starts doing an impression of the dog. xD

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hi russell, i love your good news its soo funny! will you be doing another series after this one and will there be one in November because I was hoping to go down to london (from Glasgow!) to see your show for my birthday.
This is about to be published in a magazine (you me baby)and i thought it was quite funny
Electric pants to cause 鈥榮hock waves鈥� in the nappy industry.
An Australian company, Simavita, has announced what it claims to be the world's first electronic underpants. The pants, currently under trials with the elderly and infirm, detect urine and can alert the carer by text message. The technology, if successful, could go on to radically change the way infant nappies are developed. With an immediate response time from parents to their offspring鈥檚 wet bottom, highly absorbent, but economically unfriendly disposable nappies may become a thing of the past.
And the ring tone for the text? Surely Men at Work鈥檚 鈥淲e come from a land down under 鈥� where women blow and men thunder,鈥�

Basically, a surgeon acccidentlly cut off someone's testicle during an operation, to be fair it was in manchester.

I think this is a great story from Cairo where a man climbed one of the pyramids, but was stuck up there for a day...

Hey Russell, you ran a story in episode 4 about a man who could put rabbits to sleep. My wife Heather is 20 and she can do that with chickens :-)
Matt from Nottingham

I'm a secondary school teacher and I just read this story and I don't know what is more shocking- the fact this was able to happen or the fact the IT department thought that the lives of the students were interesting!

Alright man i dont have any news to give you for your show i just wanted to let you know how much i like the show man its a good laugh on thursdays i watch it all the time (Even the repeats!) just wanted to say thanks russell i havent really had anything to laugh about lately but your show really cheers me up so keep the good news coming good show last week it was a right laguh.

Hope the show continues to be a hit man best wishes and that website you found post pals it was a briliant thing to bring to our attention you should be proud that so many people became aware of it becuse of you man my respects

Wasted guy at Coachella (concert weekend in California). Spends a whole minute trying to put on a flip flop. Ends up barefoot. Spreading viral in the industry.



Oh, and of course in the wake of horrible natural disasters, you have to blame someone...

CNN: Promiscuous women cause earthquakes, Iran cleric says



Enjoy!

I seen last week that you used my story about the monkey's in Thailand working as police officers so thank you!

but now ive got some more wierd and wacky news to submit.....firstly there's a goat in Australia that has put 2 OAP's in hospital (link below)



I also found a really bizarre story that may not be able to make the show as it may be a bit too racist but 7,000 copies of a cook book had to be destroyed after suggesting to use "sea salt and freshly ground black people" instead of black pepper (link below)



thanks x

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Ross Kemp: Battle For The Amazon on Sky1 last night (about 21 mins in)

Innocent scene has them in a plane trying to lift off a small runway

However Ross Kemp's reaction was priceless , was like he was orgasming !

Nice story about a photographer getting to know the homeless rather than ignoring them...

aaaand...

Homeless guy with a cat. :)

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Please please please what was the song used in the beckham montage in episode 4?

Hi Russell and team. Hope this makes your show!

Thanks to a unique children鈥檚 charity in Surrey, a nine-year old girl with multiple disabilities can now fulfil her dream of riding a rocking horse.

Abigail loves horses, so her mother approached local charity MERU seeking a rocking horse she could use at home. Abigail has multiple physical disabilities, profound learning disabilities, as well as complex medical needs. It was reasoned that a rocking horse with a supportive seat and frame would be fun and help create learning pathways in her brain. It would also encourage movement in Abigail鈥檚 feet and legs.

MERU is a charity that designs and custom-makes life-changing products for disabled youngsters - stepping in when no 鈥榦ff the shelf鈥� item is suitable for them. In Abigail鈥檚 case, her disabilities meant she could never safely use a conventional rocking horse, so a special one needed to be created for her.

A careful design and risk assessment process was organised, in consultation with Abigail鈥檚 parents and her occupational therapist. MERU then manufactured the rocking horse, which was designed to take the special supportive seating that Abigail uses in her wheelchair.

Careful calculations were required to ensure that the very small movements Abigail can make would cause it to rock.

Her family helped design its appearance, choosing the colour of the two horses on either side of the seat. Abigail鈥檚 mother Jackie says: 鈥淲e really never believed that Abigail could have a rocking horse, until we met MERU! Each visit was so exciting and each stage brought us a little nearer our dream! Now it is better than we could have imagined, with detail specially suited to Abigail鈥檚 needs. The horses are beautifully painted and there is even a bridle with bells. Using her wheelchair seat ensures it will always be comfortable for her. She loves riding and uses it often. It is so easy for her to rock it herself as it is balanced to start rocking with even a small bounce, which Abigail does when she is happy.鈥�

Thanks for taking the time to read this, if you want more information please get in touch.

All the best,

Sue

You just have to walk about this



Hug a hoodie gone terribly wrong indeed!

Since its election time this was bound to come up, egging political memebers.

my dog is dead

Hi (again sorry)

i love your show and you (but not in that way) so much! Quick question, what do you prefer filming Mock The Week or your Good News?

I also found this thout it was funny but kinda sad at the same time. this woman wasn't allowed into disneyland in a wedding dress (she was only wearing it for her little girl) because she looked too much like a princess.



thanks x

p.s i think you are the best comedian ever!!!

It's not really a news bit, but a weird art project. I figured I should shorten the link because the title was a bit inappropriate, hope it's not a problem:



I also came across this listicle:



If you had a micronation what would you call it? Who would you invite to be a citizen?

Hi, good picture of Man United players getting over excited and kissing one another!

Good story about Man U getting over excited and kissing each other!

i have to add something, hope it comes up on the show
i laughed my head off when i read this.

its about tory leader david cameron.
he got egged by a student in cornwall while answering students questions
then claimed to be confronted by a giant chicken and joked about the chicken coming before the egg

full story here :

one more i have to add is that in caerphilly the council are wanting to charge people to pick up there "bulky" rubbish. i think this is just another way for the council and government to steal out money.

the council want to use a bit of land in trethomas to boost bee population?
yes because we all love bees! lol

haha sorry me once more have to add this one


sainsburies butchers arent allowed to use certain knives haha
i mean cummon there butchers haha

schools making boys dress as girls lol

everyone likes sport and everyone likes sport stars getting in trouble, so have a look at this :)

Hi Russel!
I don't think this would make the show cos the show is REALLY hilarious and this isn't really that good but made me chuckle cos of one line in the article.
It's basically about Dame Helen Mirren complaining about british stereotypicals in movies.


"It's very important to let Americans know that we're not just the royal family, there's a lot more to us than that," says the woman who plays the queen...

supposedly all ranger fans are trying to get Tina Turner to number 1 on the download charts and all Celtic supporters are trying to get jerry the peace makers you'll never walk alone to number one.




*Sam*

One more...

Lots of muslims getting angry about a cartoon of mohammad in a bear suit... what next?

If this Tory candidate didn't exist you'd have to make him up!
If the police van caught on double yellow lines in Hereford this week made you laugh - just check out the Tory candidate in Gloucester who thinks he is above the law...
...he got caught parking on double yellows this week - unfortunately not by a traffic warden - but his attempts to justify his actions were pretty pathetic and some of the comments following are just priceless

Enough News

Boobquake bid to prove cleric wrong

A US student has attracted 30,000 supporters for a Facebook campaign urging women to show as much cleavage as possible to prove that breasts do not cause earthquakes.

Boobquake day is on Monday April 26.

Come on girls, I'm prepared to take the risk if you are!

Football club trained on autobahn
Fulham were forced to have a training session on the German autobahn on their way to the Europa League.
**It didn鈥檛 help their goal shooting, but really helped with their sprinting and avoidance

Heres a story of a wonderful lady in Glasgow who every morning does her exercise beside the Squiggely Bridge in Glasgow.

Most mornings she practices her routines down on the Broomielaw between 8-9am. She was spotted by office workers who video'd her and posted it on YouTube and Kate replied:
katee1973 Hi, this is me (Kate E. Deeming). Yes I probably am mad but I figure the world is mad, so I might as well join the party ;) It all started when I came back from doing aid work in Sri Lanka with girl orphans in the former war zone. I was doing dance work with the girls as a way to create empowerment to their otherwise out-of-control lives. So it is a kind of a ritual for them, till I return.
katee1973 The 2nd part is as a dancer there is little suitable space in Glasgow to practice and is expensive. This spot was the first big, open and flat space I could access, and I need to practice. A big part of making dance is process, so there's lots to see - sometimes crazy, sometimes boring, strange etc etc... I aim to be as honest to my own personal space as I can when I am dancing. Thanks for video Anna! Best wishes and peace to all, Kate E.
Im based in the 大象传媒 Scotland, Glasgow news room and we're doing a piece on her on Friday 23rd April. If you would like the material (bbc shot, not youtube) contact the glasgow news org or myself on my contact e-mail address.
Hope you enjoy.

friend barred from the pub i work at, an absolute must read

let me know what you think about it :)

Russell!! :)
What language does a deaf person think in?!
CONSIDER YOUR SELF BAMBOOZLED!

floor collapse at weight watchers meeting

Love the show. Just thought you might like the following story in the Bristol Evening Post - it's like nanageddon in the Forest of Dean!!

h there i am a big fan and i hope that this would be of interest and hope you like it

A man in New York lost his finger while having his iPad stolen out of his hands.
It wasn't even his iPad!



Also plenty of US news coverage.

Did you hear about the woman who needs sex 10 times a day because of falling on a Wii Balance Board?

Hi Good News Team, I dont no if you have seen this story at all but it's so funny i thought it would be good for the show

Have you heard that Nick Griffin has used that great british classic Marmite in a mad attempt to display patriotism and to show he is a man who likes to spread something on his toast other than racism. Again he shows he never stops thinking rationally be picking the blackest of all condiments to back up his views. Surely, if he wants something from the kitchen cupboard that best represents him and his party why not find a blancmange mould and fill it with white cow pat.
And of course the Marmite dilemma - Love it or hate it opposed to the Nick Griffin dilemma - hate him or really hate him.

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Hi Good News Team, I saw this video clip based on a Facebook group, and I thought that I should show you, as I thought it was hilarious.

Russell what you being a specky bolt for...? Nah seriously I think your show is great! I don't know where you come up with all your jokes from but keep doing what your doing.

Take it easy

Abbie x

Have a look at Lowrie the Pig on Facebook:


He's got over 8000 fans already and has been on numerous news websites and TV appearances. He's just a small piglet from Shetland but has achieved a huge following in just a few weeks! :)

Hi Russell! I was scanning my news feed today instead of finishing my essay on the evolution of Korea's self-identity (*death*) and I saw this story.

It sounded exactly like something I thought you'd enjoy!
A man in South Carolina got arrested for hitting another man in the face...WITH A PYTHON?! :D



Hope you enjoy it~!

A CUSTOMER yesterday walked free from court after being accused of using a supermarket's fruit and veg scales to weigh his WILLY.

Read more:

Russ, you HAVE to put this on your show!! its a news report from Alabama about a whole community thinking there is a leperchaun in a tree! it is TOO funny!

Going to make our own comedy show, and then send it to you. We hope, that you like it! We will put it on, when we have made it! (maybe youtube)

Mary Mother of jesus was found in a vulva on the embarrasing bodies website.

[Unsuitable/Broken URL removed by Moderator]

This is one of the funniest articles I've read for ages,

There is a pig called liz who is coverd in wool. I think this is cute. Wouldn't you agree :) x

HEY RUSSEL!!! (RONALD MCDONALD BUSTED FOR SMOKING POT) AHA WHAT A CLOWN :D

HEY RUSSEL!!! (RONALD MCDONALD CAUGHT SMOKING POT) AHA WHAT A CLOWN :D

I cant believe some one got away with typing freshly ground black people where it should say freshly ground black pepper this is toooo funny!!!

these are too funny to miss out on the wit of the common man in full force this is a wonder to behold

Hey Russell,
Just wanted to say, do you have any mates who are obsessed with a game called Farmville on facebook?
Last year I played it for a while and showed it my mum. Now I wish I hadn't, I get nagged at her if she hasn't fed her farm animals on it. At first I thought it was funny, now it drives me mad when I'm trying to do my college work. Just now she said to me 'Catherine, I have something important I need you to do'. I thought she was going to say something like 'I need you to babysit the twins tomorrow'. She said 'I need you to sign in on facebook and feed my dogs on farmville'. Am I gonna have to ban her from the laptop now? lol

Hi all,
Here's a video of a dog saving another dog after it got hit on a highway.

ok i think this one should make the show its about how fruit bats commonly have oral sex tis is my best bit " He warned, however, that the bats could just be doing it for fun. " He warned, however, that the bats could just be doing it for fun. " lol and theres even a video at the bottom for those bat perves out there

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check this out also see this

Funny Cameron pic

Check out Andrew Neil's Pepper Pig obsession ...think he must be working a bit too hard ..sleep deprivation...soft toy gets its own seat on Daily politics Tuesday 11.30 show ..his question in the morning report at the labour party conference and then Phillip Hammond Tory shadow treasury guy in interview, sitting next to the soft toy pig,accusing Pepper Pig of not publishing a comprehensive spending review...Genius