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Ali Plumb's Worst Movies of 2017

So it can’t all be Oscars and rainbows: a lot of movies out this year were DREADFUL, and to protect you from making teeth-gnashingly terrible cinema-going mistakes, I watched A LOT OF THEM and WARNED YOU OFF. Here are just five of the worst, in order of worstness.

Please note: there are many other, far worse movies out there, it’s just that either a) I haven’t seen them or b) they’re not well known enough to be amusing or interesting in any way. Enjoy!

5. Power Rangers (12)

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A movie you probably didn’t even realise came out this year, and while it’s not awful (okay, it’s pretty bad), it does contain the worst and most obvious product placement of the year. I wouldn’t dare say the brand, but... it rhymes with Wispy Whemes. Which is totally a thing.

4. The Emoji Movie

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WHO THOUGHT MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT EMOJIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?

3. The Book Of Henry (12)

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A film so tonally awful – it’s epically weird – it lost its writer-director the job of directing Star Wars: Episode 9. It’s that bad. I can’t even explain how bad it is. It’s… bad. Trust me.

2. The Great Wall (12)

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Another one you forgot existed: medieval Matt Damon, on the Great Wall of China, shooting arrows at big dog monsters. ‘Nuff said.

1. The Snowman (15)

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It all looked so good on paper: an adaptation of a much-loved Nordic-noir thriller from Jo Nesbo, starring Michael Fassbender, Rebecca Ferguson, Val Kilmer and J. K. Simmons. This could be the movie equivalent of something like The Bridge, The Killing or Borgen. But it wasn’t. A movie so bad, so nonsensical, so weird, the director said afterwards that they only shot 85% of the script as they ran out of money, admitting it didn’t make any sense. Strangely, Greg James gave it four stars – something that also doesn’t make any sense.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi on Radio 1