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29 October 2014
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Morris Telford: Diary of an adventurer

He's 33, he's from Shropshire, and he's venturing out into the big, bad world for the first time.

Morris Telford is a cross between Batman and Jesus in his quest to bring something or other to the world.

CATCH UP WITH MORRIS' EXPLOITS

Follow Morris's journey
Week One
Week Two
Week Three
Week Four
Week Five
Week Six

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FACTS

Name: Morris Telford

Age: 33

DOB: 18/04/70

Occupation:Unemployed

Hobbies: Enlightenment, Philosophy, Bingo

Favourite book – Ordinance Survey Map of Shropshire 1999 edition

Favourite foods – Pickled Eggs

Favourite band – *(shameless plug)

Favourite film – Late For Dinner

Biggest inspiration –

Worst moment –18th June 1986

Best Moment – 17th July 1995

Height – Variable

Weight – Variable

The ´óÏó´«Ã½ is not responsible for the content of external websites.

And he's been attracting a fair amount of fan mail since we started publishing his thoughts on the ´óÏó´«Ã½ Shropshire website.

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We're publishing your thoughts on Morris and his travels on this page.

So if you have any comments to make on our man or his observations on the world, then send us a message and we'll post it here.

Your thoughts on Morris Telford
Click here to leave your message
Messages are posted
Monday - Friday
0900-1700
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New messages appear at the top.
Message board - page 1
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I'll not reply to the posting regarding "Geordie folk " except to say better pasties than 'fishes on dishes' better cider than ale described as 'brown', and I'm sure you've never actually consumed clotted cream due to the impoverishment up north, I'd imagine the shops merely have it in stock for visiting people from down south to buy.

Mr 'E' seems to be delusional as he has the name of a cartoon character, is
this some misplaced irony on the whole 'toon' theme?

Anyway....back to Morris, has he got lost?

I do hope he has not gone 'native', maybe he has found Nirvana in the
Mid-West and settled down with a farmers/preachers daughter?

Morris where are you? Are you ok? Shall I post you a pasty?

I do hope we hear more soon.

I'm sure even Mr -E is concerned about Morris.

Mike Batt
West of Moreton Say

PS the ´óÏó´«Ã½ deny paying you due to the 'special' way they are funded...is
this true or a conspiracy of denial?

Ìý
Mr Batt

What exactly is wrong with having people from Newcastle "down there"? Ìý

You southern shandy drinkers should be glad to have Geordie folk there, just as Morris has set out to right the wrongs of the world, we'reÌýtrying to save you lot from the evils of sheep, strange pasties, clotted cream and weakÌýcider.Ìý

We're also going to teach you all how to stop being soft sod's every time a single snowflake falls, we were all outÌýwearing just jeans andÌýT-shirts in the "Toon" during the last blizzards while you lot were shivering, complaining and wishing you could hibernate. Ìý Ìý

From - Wile-E (Blyth)
Ìý
Dear Morris.

Pleased you escaped with your shoes from 'the car with flags'. I got moved
on by a State Trooper once but managed to avoid kidnap. I'd get out of the
'south' if I were you move onto the mid-west, much nicer folk all round. I
think the Southeners are beyond redemption, even by a Messiah like yourself.

I'd rather not tell you about Trucks with red lights only to say that as a
parting gift the wide eyed truck driver presented me with a 'Rambo' knife.
He said he was amazed I did not have a a gun or a knife of my own and
offered it to me for my protection. I was more scared of the knife than
anything.

I wondered wether you could do something for me.

We have too many visitors from Newcastle down here, what would be your
advice to put them off?

Mike Batt (not the Wombling one)
West of Moreton Say

PS My tip for you this week is to head to Las Vegas, I think everyone there
needs saving.

PPS The ´óÏó´«Ã½ are not paying you are they?

Ed: Are we paying Morris? Well, due to the unique way in which the ´óÏó´«Ã½ is funded: No.

Ìý
I am sorry Morris for doubting you and thinking you were a work of fiction! Hope the quest goes well and that you save the world. Ìý

Stay Safe. Ìý
Paul McAvoy (Author)
Ìý

I'm glad Morris took my tip to hitch to heart.
One tip is do not get a lift with a trucker with a red light in the cab....led to an unfortunate incident for me.
Ìý
Glad Morris is taking National Security seriously, the Yanks are very hot on that, hence the Tie-Rack incident.

Best not to order Milk Shakes either as they may think you have Arab 'connections'.
Ìý
I'm sure the American people will take him to their generous bosom with time.
Ìý
PS Cornwall can be a bit like the 'south', although the portions are smaller, bingo is legal and I'd imagine there may be aÌýlack of cream teas and pasties.
Ìý
PPS Wombles; as much as I appreciate the compliment I did not write the Wombles, that was a distant relative, fortunately I am not on the 'ginger' side of the Batt's. It is cheerful music, 'Wombling Free' probably describes your travels perfectly, without the 'making use of the things that we find' element.

Mike BattÌý
West of Moreton Say

Ìý

Ode to Mr T

From Moreton Say he wanders afar
by plane, by truck but first by car
forging a path of love and hope
into the hearts of humble folk.

Stabbing and prison worry him not
for tickets to Celine Dion he has got
when and where will his odyssey end?
will it be before he goes round the bend?

His only flame lives next door
now she warms to Toby's amore
Oh won't you come back for all to see
and save Ironbridge from IGMT?

M (via Tibberton)

Ìý

Dear Morris,

I hope that your journeys turn out well in the U.S. My uncle Bing and auntie Sheila live in Frederick,MA. If you fancy some real Shropshire cooking pop into uncle Bing's diner and tell them that Joe sent you.

I've told them about your travels and they promise you a free meal.Take care.

Regards

Joe Summerfield

Ìý
I would like to express just how much I enjoyed reading the weblog of 'Morris Telford'.

In the 7 minutes that it took me to read it, all my anxieties and pains have been replaced by a warm, gooey feeling that starts in my lower abdomen, and reaches right up to my larynx.

Thank-you, ´óÏó´«Ã½ Shropshire, for giving this visionary a voice.

Darrell
Ìý

I'm glad to see Morris took my advice and is spreading the message abroad to our American cousins, although I do fear for him if he starts his 'naked protest' in Alabama. Ìý

I would recommend hitching in America as the best way to meet an interesting cross section of people. But do not hitch in New York state as it is illegal. Ìý

Good Luck Morris, may I suggest you invest in a money belt after your incident/accident in Birmingham. Ìý Ìý

Mike BattÌý
West of Moreton Say

Dear Morris, Ìý

Is there any chance you could return to Shropshire and stop IGMT building all over Ironbridge? Ìý

Best wishes on your journey, Ìý Ìý

James the Shropshire Lad

Wasn't Morris Telford a car in the sixties made of wood?

I seem to remember this being a running gag, when he worked with me ordering paperclips.

As I did the ordering of instant tea, coffee & soup for the machine (why I bothered as they all tasted like something which wasn't quite unlike tea), we were great rivals.

I look forward to a new challenge when Toby starts.

Your ex-colleague Morris Traveller

Is this real or fantasy?

I am apt to believe it is made up, but I must admit I really love this. I have read it all twice and am looking forward to future instalments.

The man (or woman) behind it is obviously very well equipped in the art of making up a great idea and turning it into something that is tangible and very entertaining.

Paul McAvoy (Author)

Paul's

Morris says : I am stunned that you imply that my weblog is fabricated.

I have given up everything to follow a dream and my road ahead needs to be paved with the flagstones of hope and freedom, not the uneven gravel of doubt and fantasy.

The truth is stranger than fiction, unless of course you read a lot of science fiction and fantasy novels.

We were very surprised to see our Uncle Morris on the web, at least now we know where he is.

Isn't about time you travelled our way for a visit, it's been so long since we've seen you we hardly recognizedÌýthat handsome mugshot.

Love you lots
Leanne & Cheyenne
xxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's so refreshing to see the world we all take for granted through the eyes of someone totally new to it!

This guy is a young lad from a small village who sets out to make his fortune in the world - the kind of story folk and faerie tales are made of!

I hope he succeeds. He is right that the world would be a better place if we took an interest in each other. We just never seem to have the time.

Fiona Barnes
Gobowen,
Oswestry,
Shropshire

Go to say, I love the Morris Telford section. A worthy successor to Douglas Adams. Hope you keep up more of this.

Stewart Knight
Nuneaton

My name is Tim and I am from Lancashire. Morris Telford is my hero!!!!!

If you are Jesus I want to be your disciple. If you are Batman I want to be your Robin.

I work in an office ordering paper clips. I know exactly how you feel.

Tim Heywood
Thornton,
Lancashire

I thought I must write in and say how much I enjoyed Morris Telford's 'weblog'.

He says he needs a plan.

I would suggest that he travels abroad to spread his message.

And of course continues to report on his 'adventures' for us! Excellent site!
Yours sincerely

Mike Batt

Morris Telford is a wise character who you can relate to in the real world. Keep up the good work Morris.

Tom
Blackpool

The "Morris Telford" weblog is the work of a raving lunatic... but sheer brilliance!

Wile-E
Blyth

Just read the Morris Telford weblog on ´óÏó´«Ã½i Shropshire web site. Loved it !

Waiting for further details of Morris & his Journey to put the wrong things right.

I have a feeling he is about to become a Hero of our time.

"Above & beyond, Morris.Those paperclips are far behind you my friend." ;o)

Victoria Felton

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