They say you never forget your first love...but more often than not, the reasons why you never forget them are less to do with the glorious rush of wonderfulness which occured when the two of you first realised you had something in common, and more to do with the fact that you had trodden in dog poo just before your first kiss. Or you blushed so horrendously when you were asked out that your best mate called you a tomato-beet, and you ran off mortified before you could say yes. Or your one big crush found out you liked them, and now crosses the street to avoid having to look at you.
It's a minefield, is what I'm saying. And not everyone comes out of it with all their limbs still attached.
You'll notice I haven't bothered to put 'produced by Calvin Harris' up there in the title of the song. This is largely because you only have to listen to 0.5 of a nanosecond of the first beat of the first bar of the song to realise that it's a Calvin Harris production. The only thing you're missing is a squeaky-voiced man telling everyone who will listen what kind of people he personally would do, given half a chance...
So, you know the drill by now. Press releases are the little details record company people send out whenever there's a new song, tour, album or video to promote, and they're often very, very funny. Intentionally and otherwise. Here's another batch of examples...
David Jordan "David's gift for thinking in three dimensions means that he considers music to be only half the story." - Leaving aside the mathematical implications of that sentence, here's a quick test. Can you think about side to side? AND up and down? AND back and forth? Congratulations, you're thinking in three dimensions. We're all GENIUSES, I tell you!
It's quite hard to get excited about Nicole Scherzinger's debut solo single when she has effectively been a solo artist all along. She just happened to be performing under the same name as her backing singers, but none of us ever doubted who was the Diana Ross and who were The Other Two Members Of The Supremes. So her venturing out on her own feels slightly inevitable, and rather timely. After all, if she gets out now before the Spice Girls reunion officially kicks in, she won't be there when The Other Five Members Of The Pussycat Dolls watch them onstage and start asking awkward questions like "hang on a minute, how come they ALL get to sing, eh? Just what exactly is that about, Nicole? EH?"
There's no-one in popular music whose name causes such instant eye-rolling reactions as Mutya Buena. She's clearly a widely-liked young lady, whose stint in the Sugababes is remembered with great fondness...but she's also the girl whose public image is that of a perma-scowling grump, content to spend most of her glorious success glaring at people, haughtily, and looking like someone who has just been forced to eat a lemon, rind and all.
So, he's been away from the charts for a year and a half, and he's been away from the Top 10 for nearly twice that long, and THIS is what he's come up with in all that time? Someone else's song with him singing over the top? He can't have spent THAT long in the gym, surely? And anyway, some of that iron-pumping time must just replace the time he used to spend on that mascara beard of his. What happened to the man we used to call Craig 'Craig David' David? Are we going to have to start calling him Craig 'Craig David Bowie' David instead?
ChartSnipe: This would be the second time that a girl from humble farm stock has won a televised singing contest. Carrie Underwood, winner of American Idol 4, used to sing to her cows before she hit the big time, and now she's joined in the ranks of tweed-wearing chart-toppers by Lea-Owner Lewis. (SP)
OK, you might feel able to make some snarky comment about Keane off the back of this - heaven knows I've made a few in my time - but it's one of those moments where I'm gonna back off a bit. Not because this is musically so brilliant I've been won over, mind - Keane remain a band whose songs transport some people to the very heavens and leave me waving up from the ground.
For some unfathomable reason everyone - but EVERYONE - who has access to a recording studio and a CD-pressing plant is putting a single out at the moment. And I don't mean this in a general sense either, I'm not saying there's a lot of music in the shops these days. What I'm saying is that the two weeks from October 22nd to October 29th will possibly go down in music history as the Fortnight Of Too Many Songs (or something like that).
Kings of Leon tend to accrue critical acclaim for their distinctive sound, which, admittedly, is instantly recognisable within about the first thirty seconds of any of their songs. This wouldn't be a problem, many bands have instantly recognisable traits within their music (is there any mistaking a Girls Aloud song when it's incoming?) and having carved your own niche market is almost essential to the success of a band.
NOTE: Some pop stars have in-built self-destruct devices which they (obviously) have to keep very quiet, in case mean-minded people try and destroy them while they're just trying to do their job. Some other pop stars have in-built self-destruct devices which have actually been triggered, and yet they carry on regardless (*cough* DOHERTY *cough* WINEHOUSE *cough*).
In Fergie's case, all it takes is a quick tug on either arm - taking care to keep clear of those all important 'lady lumps', in case they go off pop-bang in your face - and she's effectively out of the pop game for good. Although I personally wouldn't bet against Will.I.Am finding a way to make her springy neck seem sexual, in song form.
You've got to love songs with tempo changes in. Even if the change is no cleverer than a sudden halving or doubling of speed, in an age when musical dynamics have been reduced to things either being louder or quieter, silent or deafening, it's really refreshing to hear someone abandon the tick-tock metronome for a bit and put some thought into the arrangement of the entire song, not just the opening bars.
It's a truly beautiful thing when two people of a like mind really connect, you know? You'll both be going about your business, oblivious to each other, or maybe you've seen each other but don't really know how to get a conversation started. And then suddenly, by whatever strange magic these things happen, you find yourself deep in a conversation which no-one apart from other people who share the same interests could possibly understand (or, to be fair, would even want to).
Oh great, another TImbaland single. It's gonna be some frosted-beat bragathon about how he's too sexy for normal folks, he's better than you are, and he gets paid more than surgeons do - featuring a guest appearance from Justin Timberlake/Nelly Furtado/Justin Timberlake/Nelly Furtado (delete as applicable). It's gonna be brilliant, naturally, but it's hardly going to push boundaries by his own standards, is it? This is what he does, and he does it a lot...
I was always a Blur fan. During the whole Britpop nonsense where you were expected to pick a side, I'd be standing by Blur not because I'm a soft middle-class southern art-school ponce, not because I can't handle it when THE PEOPLE have a PEOPLE'S BAND, and not because I've anything against Oasis. No, I liked Blur because they were a bit literate, a bit sharp, a bit clever with their musical (and music hall) ideas, and they didn't stand still. From their first album to their last, Blur were far more like the Beatles in terms of how they did what they did than Oasis, who were (and are) more like the Stones.
Sometimes it really is better just to keep your mouth shut. Last week, I happened to mention to Fraser in an offhanded sort of way an interesting (well, perhaps "interesting" is an exaggeration, but perhaps "noteworthy" would work) fact about Westlife's recent singles, and somehow in the process ended up volunteering myself to review this one. And on the list of things I'm keen to volunteer for, listening to Westlife is right down there with experimental root canal surgery and being on Jade Goody's PR team. So, lesson learned: in future, I shall keep my observations to myself.
1 - Sugababes - 'About You Now' ChartSnipe: There was a run of four Sugababes singles, in 2003-4, which contained the word 'in'. 'Hole In The Head', 'Too Lost In You', 'In The Middle' and 'Caught In A Moment'. During their entire 19 song chart career, the word has only cropped up in song titles those four times, and they're all next to each other. Weird, eh? *smarmyvoice* In fact, it's almost as if, during that time, the Sugababes were In-Dependent Women!!
Ah, McFly. I love McFly, you probably love McFly, even people that purport to passionately hate McFly secretly quite like McFly, etc. etc. They're lovely boys, they've got a sense of humor and they're quite happy to wear ridiculous outfits, take off all their outfits, play a few jolly brilliant, witty and possibly slightly insane pop songs and rest in the assurance that they actually seem to really enjoy what they do. They're one of the most obvious stalwarts of British pop in the last four years and as such, I guess it is about time for a retrospective.
...with the music of Sound. Sound being the new ´óÏó´«Ã½ music TV show for Saturday afternoons, created as an antidote to, well, NOT having a regular ´óÏó´«Ã½ music TV show which doesn't feature 'tasty' boogie-woogie piano and a man called Jools.
Well, OK, that's the snarky version. Sound is also a new music TV show, presented by Annie Mac and Nick Grimshaw, in which the hottest bands of now get to show their wares in a variety of outside-y type locations, or take people on a guided tour of their home town, or go shopping with cameras, or...
This conversation took place on the morning of the 19th of October 2007, between two ´óÏó´«Ã½ employees, on Instant Messenger. Aren't you glad your license fee goes to such a worthwhile cause?
Fraser McAlpine says: I've thought of a new game
Fraser McAlpine says: You know that song 'All These Things That I've Done' by the Killers, that goes "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier"
Steve Perkins says: Yurs?
Fraser McAlpine says: The game is to think of other sentences which also work in that format
Fraser McAlpine says: I had - I've got boils but I'm not a boiler.
Whether you know it or not, this woman here is responsible for quite a large proportion of your favourite music. She may not have written or performed the songs themselves, but her influence is everywhere. Her name is Debbie (or Deborah) Harry, she was at one time the lead singer in Blondie, and...well...musically speaking she's Madonna's elder sister, pop-punk's spiritual godmother (boys AND girls), Girl's Aloud's lairier auntie, and Avril Lavigne's nan.
The late great Antony H. Wilson had this great line when he was throwing big names from the world of literature or philosophy or architecture or creativity in general into a conversation about popular music. He used to say something like "...just like Baudelaire. And if you don't know who Baudelaire is, that's fine, but you should probably read more.". Now, if you don't know who Antony H. Wilson is, that's what googling is all about. BUT, if you call yourself a fan of music of any stripe and you don't know who Lou Reed is - or his band the Velvet Underground - that's fine, but you should probably listen more.
NOTE: What we're using here for the JOKE destruction of a band many people feel are actually indestructible are special tools, it's not just any old stick of dynamite, and with good reason. Partly because you should never attempt to use dynamite to destroy people - it's very bad manners - and partly because, as I said, the Chilis are freakishly resiliant. I would not bet against them surviving an attack of this sort. Whereas your Red Hot Chili Poppers (available in all good pop star removal clinics) will do the job cleanly, humanely, and, best of all, totally effectively.
WARNING! CONTAINS OVER-EXCITED MILD SWEARING Lesser blogs than this one are full of entries telling Britney Spears what she should be doing with her life. That's their prerogative, of course, but it's of no interest to us, since it's generally a bunch of people advising a person they've never met on a situation they don't really know anything about. And also because inevitably they're more interested in the latest photo of her at Starbucks than the latest leaked demos from her new album. But I think I've stumbled on exactly what Britney actually should be doing, from a musical perspective at least, and it can be summed up in three words: "It's Britney, bitch."
See that little fella on the right there? Johnny PC? Well, you might not already know this, but he's basically scaring the living bejesus out of the music industry right now. There are so many ways in which he can threaten the one thing the record companies value above all else - the all-important REVENUE STREAM - and there are so many ways in which the record companies are frantically seeking to stop him, it's worth poking a stick in the ground from time to time, just to say "Hello! This is where were are at with all this stuff, as of right now!"
Shh! Don't say it. Don't let the name even flit across your brain. Try and think about something else, OK? OK, so Mutya is continuing her old school soul makeover, and yes, she's got the big gospelly backing vocals, and the (almost too) slow bass-quake strut thing chuntering away, with shiny brass parps and everything. In her mind she's in the Muscle Shoals studios in 1968, and Dusty Springfield has just taken a tea break from recording 'Son Of A Preacher Man'. And, more importantly, she's really comfortable there.
No, it's not a random picture of some mates in a pub garden. This, dear readers, is the Rumble Strips, purveyors of top quality brassed-up beatpop. Well, to be strictly accurate, the blokes are the Rumble Strips, and the lady in their midst with the arrows is Emily Wood, ChartBlog's newest roaming reporter.
The picture was taken after Emily's second attempt at interviewing the band, and that is why everyone looks so (*cough*) happy, (*coughcough*) relaxed, and in Emily's case, relieved. Now, don't think for a second that Emily did a bad job the first time, or that the band were grumpy divas or anything. No, the only problem with the first interview was that it took place immediately after a Rumble Strips concert, and the band were so exciteable and drunk happy that the blazing brilliance of their quotes started to look a bit more like wasted nonsense in the cold light of day.
Do you keep a mental list of all the people you would most like to meet in the world? I think we all do, really, don't we? Sometimes you just want to meet people because you think you'd get on really well with them as mates, sometimes you want to offer them a friendly word of advice, and sometimes you want to meet them because you just want to tell them how much the thing they do (music, writing, sport, politics) has affected your life and how grateful you are.
1 - Sugababes - 'About You Now' In honour of the band's international appeal, I've translated this song title into various languages (and back again), just to see if the rest if the world is hearing what we're hearing.
Dutch: 'Approximately You Now'
Greek: 'Roughly You Now'
Korean: 'Regarding Your Now'
and traditional Chinese...'About Present You', which if you re-order it as 'About You (Present)' actually makes sense again!
I would've loved to have been a fly on the wall watching the staff in Simon Cowell's offices towards the end of the last series of The X Factor.
Exec 1:"Has anyone got those offcuts from the last Westlife CD? I thought I'd make a start on the X Factor winner's album. I've got half an hour to spare, I can probably get most of it done in that time." Exec 2:"I thought we wouldn't know who the winner was for another eight weeks?" Exec 1:"Pfffft. It's always the same Blandy Blands though, isn't it? We throw together any old rubbish and stick a pretty face on the cover and the public'll buy it anyway. Easy money."
If music were cooking, this song would be a magical transformation, where all of the ingredients are things which people tend to have extreme reactions to - I hesitate to say Marmite, cos it's all part of their devilishly clever marketing scheme, but you get the point - and which traditionally do not blend well with other extreme flavours. Somehow, in the act of mixing, the saltiness of the anchovies and olives start to weirdly compliment the cough syrup and blend with the liver and scampi-fries. Before you know it, you've a wonderful dish in front of you and you're wondering why no-one has tried cooking like this before.
So, notice anything different about me in the last few days? No? It's not the hair...or the shoes...or the clothes. I've not had a tattoo...or a boob job...Give up? That's right, it's the colours!
(Seriously, did anyone not get that? Scornflakes for you then).
So, ChartBlog has had a bit of a facelift and redecoration job done. Nice innit? And it's all in honour of the two huggy people over to the left of this page.
This Sunday, at 4pm Fearne Cotton and Reggie Yates will be taking over the Radio 1 Chart Show, and it's a brave new dawn for all of us. I'm not even being sarcastic!
People say a lot of strange things when they're desperate. If the love of your life is standing by the front door, bags packed, a cold look in their eyes and a withering put-down on their lips, that's often when the inner poet is unleashed, and the very heavens are called into service as a malleable tool in your frantic attempts to stop your fragile emotional stability from smashing into tiny pieces on the floor.
Traditionally pop stars have to have done some rubbish jobs before they get their big break. And by rubbish jobs, I don't mean being a spear-carrying extra in a stage school production of Julius Ceasar, or having to sing backing vocals in a boyband instead of lead vocals. I mean doing a job which has absolutely nothing to do with music, which drains would-be creative types of their ability to create, and which makes the people who do it have to sit for hours in uncomfortable clothing, in close proximity to people they actively dislike, and (worst of all) having to be nice to the general public for hours on end.
For all that she is a ferocious pop amazon, striding about in designer battle-dress with her four-girl harajuku army and generally freaking people out with her ability to look, sound and very probably smell over the top, Lil' Gwennie is clearly something of a softy. Oh sure, she doesn't like to show it - softies are often the people who shout the loudest about how hard they are. Unfortunately this isn't ALWAYS true, so don't just go up to the hardest kid you know and offer them a flower and a friendly hug. Or at least if you DO, don't say it was my idea.
NOTE: Haha! Didn't expect THAT didja? Not only did we NOT do the gag about how we don't need to know how to destroy Britney because she's doing a perfectly good job on her own (frankly, as a joke, it's mean, and therefore beneath us all), but look! This is like tabloid SQUARED. A union between Britney Spears and Pete Doherty would make the editors of the Sun, the Mirror, Heat! and the NME all explode with excitement (no bad thing, obv), and there's no question that a kiss from his lips would probably be (excusing the pun) toxic.
Hey, if we're lucky, she might be toxic too. OR it could be like when you get to negative things together and it makes a positive (like two wrongs actually making a right, and just as likely). They could become librarians together or something. So long as they're both happy, right?
As members of a liberal democracy, we cherish our freedom to say whatever, however and whenever we like. But freedom of expression comes at a price, especially when it comes to music. Mark Ronson learned this lesson well when he received death threats from livid Morrissey fans after daring to cover The Smiths’ ‘Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This One Before’ – tampering with the Smiths being the closest you can come to treason in certain parts of the country.
We've all heard the towering pop glory that is 'Potential Breakup Song' by Al & AJ (don't worry if you haven't, there's a clip at the bottom of this page), and we all know that a genius song can make all the difference when you're attempting to cope with a tough emotional situation.
So, given the chance to talk to Aly out of Aly & AJ, all I wanted to know was whether the sparky twosome have a whole pile of songs ready for any extreme moment, like a kind of musical medicine cabinet. Because a band who cares enough to offer the right kind of bandages for the right kind of wounds, is going to go a long way.
Apparently there's ain't no party like a party going in Orson's house. Which, if it's true, is going to leave the former member of S Club 7 feeling pretty fed up, seeing as up until now there ain't been no party like an S Club party. Now, upsetting S Club 7 might not be the most dangerous thing you could ever do, particularly weedy Jon, but it's a shame that the party that Orson is having has no room for "Tina doing her thing" or "Jo, she's got the flow". That would be like party-squared, or summink.
We live in sceptical times. It's a very nowadays sort of thing to try and deconstruct how stuff made under the umbrella banner of The Media - films, magazines, TV shows, songs, newspapers, websites and stuff - is put together, isn't it? Everyone is kind of desperate to demystify the the creative process to such an enormous degree that you even get magicians who do their tricks then explain how they did them (and then presumably explain why they are explaining how they did the trick, and then do a power-point presentation on 'The Importance Of Mystery In Magic', and so on).
Naturally, there are pros and cons to this kind of enforced honesty. For example, you probably don't need to know that I was eating an apple while writing some of this, and that the core is still on my desk, as I can't be bothered to go to the bin, not while The Muse has descended and the words are coming out of my fingers in a steady flow.
They call it 'progress', and it used to be the bare minimum of what was expected of a rock band. You get together, get your sound together, find your audience, tour, record, tour, promote, get the hits, and then EVOLVE into something newer and often worse more exciting. Pop bands would pick up loud guitars, loud guitar bands would bring in drum machines and samplers, dance acts would go hip hop, rap acts would go rock, Radiohead would become funky, all sorts...
There is, as the old saying goes, no accounting for taste. And leaving aside the fact that there is also no office manager for sight or human resources department for smell, this is a very useful expression to bear in mind when attempting to make an assessment of the musical merits of Mr Mika.
Aww I LOVE it when rappers do that 'State of the Nation' thing. Y'know, when they use their rap reportage skills (don't say 'raportage', it's beneath you) to define just exactly where things are at with the great state of Hip Hop. And seeing as the rapper's most prized superpower is the ability to see through bullcack and describe reality as it really is, these rap reports (again, a pun is not necessary here) tend to be pretty damning - like Nas with his cheery 'Hip Hop Is Dead'....
Today, ChartBlog is taking a massive leap out of the comfort zone of your massively high-achieving musical-type people, and into a dark and shady region where newbies roam the earth, in search of an audience. Clearly there's almost as many of them as there are of us, so what is needed are a some tricky performance challenges for up and coming bands and singers, so we, the discerning public, can sort out the wheat from the chaff (and no, I don't mean the X-Factor).
Or "F*** IT, VALERIE", as this particular song was venomously introduced when Amy Winehouse played it at the Eden Project over the summer. Back then she was a bit lost, and bit frazzled, somewhat tetchy and incredibly keen to finish the concert so that she could get this glaring, staring audience out of her itchy face.
Yep, you read that right. Paolo Nutini is a son of Ayr beach. We know this because we asked him about it. In fact, we asked him about all sorts of seaside-y things, because it's important to know how people who can write songs and play guitars act when they are relaxing on a towel on a hot day. As it turns out, Paolo has some very particular wants and needs when he's setting out for a beach-side day off - and I don't mean a blinged-up pop star bucket and spade...
Alyson Renae (aka Aly) and Amanda Joy (aka AJ) Michalka have sold hundreds of thousands of copies of their first album, played to massive crowds, had interviews in big magazines and their music's been used in films and TV series. You've probably never heard of them. Nothing of their music's been released in the UK until the last few months, when first album 'Into The Rush' snuck its way into stores and now, when their first proper UK single gets a release.
Do you remember ages ago, when the rules of the singles chart were first changed so that download sales would be included, even from songs which are not officially released as singles? It was January, and loads of people who really should have known better were united in their view that this would be a VERY BAD THING for music as we know it, because OH MY GOD every time a really big album was released, all of the songs on it would enter the Top 40 at one, and it would MAKE A MOCKERY of the singles chart (which, to be fair, isn't above a bit of mockery, in much the same way that your shoes aren't above your hat)?
Apparently the debut Hoosiers album is going to be out in a couple of weeks, and frankly, I'm a little concerned. So far we, the general pop public, have enjoyed one ELO/10cc/Supertramp-style pop confection in 2/4 which contains batty harmonies, squeaky yelps, and a slight lyrical nod towards the world of science-fiction, fantasy and comics (Ray Harryhausen, in this case), and now here's a Supertramp/ELO/10cc-style pop confection in 2/4 which contains batty harmonies, squeaky yelps and a slight lyrical nod towards the world of science-fiction, fantasy and comics (Mr A was a character by comic artist Steve Ditko, who designed Spider-Man, among other things).
See that young lady on the left? That's Kerri. ChartBlog regulars will know Kerri, as she often puts comments up about music and modern culture and stuff. She's also a member of the ChartBlog Street Team, and her favourite two bands in the world are My Chemical Romance, and Madina Lake. The lady on the far right hand side is Kerri's cousin Kirsty.
Notice anything exciting about the other people in this picture? That's right, they're Madina Lake. And the reason everyone is smiling (apart from Kerri's mum yelling "cheese!") is that Kerri has just spent 10 minutes interviewing her second favourite band in the world, and it's all thanks to ChartBlog.
During a discussion of this song with Steve ChartBlog, it took me TEN MINUTES to remember the name of the song Delta has stolen the chorus out of, in order to make this maturepop masterpiece. I knew it straight away, it's one of Beyonce's best moments, and it's the one where she sings about someone moving out of her house by putting all of their belongings "to the left, to the left". But for the life of me I couldn't remember the title.
NOTE: This probably won't work. Face it, if the Sugababes can withstand the departure of two founder members, and STILL carry on as a pop trio, there's probably no chance that any button you or I could devise would have any affect on them whatsoever. It'd be like the broomsticks in the film Fantasia, you cut them down, and each fragment becomes another Sugababe, or another former Sugababe with a frosty stare and a record deal. So, this is NOT to be attempted unless in a total emergency, and you might want to have a secondary exit strategy ready to go before you try it, OK?
NOTE TO SELF: Must try hard not to be influenced by the acres of 'buzz-press' surrounding this band. It only makes you grumpy, and you end up looking for flaws rather than attempting to see the same things that the people who are claiming the band to be God's answer to suffering on earth can see. And especially don't be put off by the name. Sure, you won't be able to order the song in a shop without blushing, but that's not the be all and end all of musical enjoyment, right?
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You'll notice I haven't bothered to put 'produced by Calvin Harris' up there in the title of the song. This is largely because you only have to listen to 0.5 of a nanosecond of the first beat of the first bar of the song to realise that it's a Calvin Harris production. The only thing you're missing is a squeaky-voiced man telling everyone who will listen what kind of people he personally would do, given half a chance...
It's quite hard to get excited about Nicole Scherzinger's debut solo single when she has effectively been a solo artist all along. She just happened to be performing under the same name as her backing singers, but none of us ever doubted who was the Diana Ross and who were The Other Two Members Of The Supremes. So her venturing out on her own feels slightly inevitable, and rather timely. After all, if she gets out now before the Spice Girls reunion officially kicks in, she won't be there when The Other Five Members Of The Pussycat Dolls watch them onstage and start asking awkward questions like "hang on a minute, how come they ALL get to sing, eh? Just what exactly is that about, Nicole? EH?"
So, he's been away from the charts for a year and a half, and he's been away from the Top 10 for nearly twice that long, and THIS is what he's come up with in all that time? Someone else's song with him singing over the top? He can't have spent THAT long in the gym, surely? And anyway, some of that iron-pumping time must just replace the time he used to spend on that mascara beard of his. What happened to the man we used to call Craig 'Craig David' David? Are we going to have to start calling him Craig 'Craig David Bowie' David instead? 
ChartSnipe: This would be the second time that a girl from humble farm stock has won a televised singing contest. Carrie Underwood, winner of American Idol 4, used to sing to her cows before she hit the big time, and now she's joined in the ranks of tweed-wearing chart-toppers by Lea-Owner Lewis. (SP)
Yeah, like, raining songs or something, get me?
Kings of Leon tend to accrue critical acclaim for their distinctive sound, which, admittedly, is instantly recognisable within about the first thirty seconds of any of their songs. This wouldn't be a problem, many bands have instantly recognisable traits within their music (is there any mistaking a Girls Aloud song when it's incoming?) and having carved your own niche market is almost essential to the success of a band.
You've got to love songs with tempo changes in. Even if the change is no cleverer than a sudden halving or doubling of speed, in an age when musical dynamics have been reduced to things either being louder or quieter, silent or deafening, it's really refreshing to hear someone abandon the tick-tock metronome for a bit and put some thought into the arrangement of the entire song, not just the opening bars. 
Oh great, another TImbaland single. It's gonna be some frosted-beat bragathon about how he's too sexy for normal folks, he's better than you are, and he gets paid more than surgeons do - featuring a guest appearance from Justin Timberlake/Nelly Furtado/Justin Timberlake/Nelly Furtado (delete as applicable). It's gonna be brilliant, naturally, but it's hardly going to push boundaries by his own standards, is it? This is what he does, and he does it a lot...
I was always a Blur fan. During the whole Britpop nonsense where you were expected to pick a side, I'd be standing by Blur not because I'm a soft middle-class southern art-school ponce, not because I can't handle it when THE PEOPLE have a PEOPLE'S BAND, and not because I've anything against Oasis. No, I liked Blur because they were a bit literate, a bit sharp, a bit clever with their musical (and music hall) ideas, and they didn't stand still. From their first album to their last, Blur were far more like the Beatles in terms of how they did what they did than Oasis, who were (and are) more like the Stones. 
Sometimes it really is better just to keep your mouth shut. Last week, I happened to mention to Fraser in an offhanded sort of way an interesting (well, perhaps "interesting" is an exaggeration, but perhaps "noteworthy" would work) fact about Westlife's recent singles, and somehow in the process ended up volunteering myself to review this one. And on the list of things I'm keen to volunteer for, listening to Westlife is right down there with experimental root canal surgery and being on Jade Goody's PR team. So, lesson learned: in future, I shall keep my observations to myself.
ChartSnipe: There was a run of four Sugababes singles, in 2003-4, which contained the word 'in'. 'Hole In The Head', 'Too Lost In You', 'In The Middle' and 'Caught In A Moment'. During their entire 19 song chart career, the word has only cropped up in song titles those four times, and they're all next to each other. Weird, eh? *smarmyvoice* In fact, it's almost as if, during that time, the Sugababes were In-Dependent Women!! 
Ah, McFly. I love McFly, you probably love McFly, even people that purport to passionately hate McFly secretly quite like McFly, etc. etc. They're lovely boys, they've got a sense of humor and they're quite happy to wear ridiculous outfits, take off all their outfits, play a few jolly brilliant, witty and possibly slightly insane pop songs and rest in the assurance that they actually seem to really enjoy what they do. They're one of the most obvious stalwarts of British pop in the last four years and as such, I guess it is about time for a retrospective.
Whether you know it or not, this woman here is responsible for quite a large proportion of your favourite music. She may not have written or performed the songs themselves, but her influence is everywhere. Her name is Debbie (or Deborah) Harry, she was at one time the lead singer in Blondie, and...well...musically speaking she's Madonna's elder sister, pop-punk's spiritual godmother (boys AND girls), Girl's Aloud's lairier auntie, and Avril Lavigne's nan. 
The late great Antony H. Wilson had this great line when he was throwing big names from the world of literature or philosophy or architecture or creativity in general into a conversation about popular music. He used to say something like "...just like Baudelaire. And if you don't know who Baudelaire is, that's fine, but you should probably read more.". Now, if you don't know who Antony H. Wilson is, that's what googling is all about. BUT, if you call yourself a fan of music of any stripe and you don't know who Lou Reed is - or his band the Velvet Underground - that's fine, but you should probably listen more. 
WARNING! CONTAINS OVER-EXCITED MILD SWEARING
See that little fella on the right there? Johnny PC? Well, you might not already know this, but he's basically scaring the living bejesus out of the music industry right now. There are so many ways in which he can threaten the one thing the record companies value above all else - the all-important REVENUE STREAM - and there are so many ways in which the record companies are frantically seeking to stop him, it's worth poking a stick in the ground from time to time, just to say "Hello! This is where were are at with all this stuff, as of right now!"
Shh! Don't say it. Don't let the name even flit across your brain. Try and think about something else, OK? OK, so Mutya is continuing her old school soul makeover, and yes, she's got the big gospelly backing vocals, and the (almost too) slow bass-quake strut thing chuntering away, with shiny brass parps and everything. In her mind she's in the Muscle Shoals studios in 1968, and Dusty Springfield has just taken a tea break from recording 'Son Of A Preacher Man'. And, more importantly, she's really comfortable there.
Do you keep a mental list of all the people you would most like to meet in the world? I think we all do, really, don't we? Sometimes you just want to meet people because you think you'd get on really well with them as mates, sometimes you want to offer them a friendly word of advice, and sometimes you want to meet them because you just want to tell them how much the thing they do (music, writing, sport, politics) has affected your life and how grateful you are. 
I would've loved to have been a fly on the wall watching the staff in Simon Cowell's offices towards the end of the last series of The X Factor. 
If music were cooking, this song would be a magical transformation, where all of the ingredients are things which people tend to have extreme reactions to - I hesitate to say Marmite, cos it's all part of their devilishly clever marketing scheme, but you get the point - and which traditionally do not blend well with other extreme flavours. Somehow, in the act of mixing, the saltiness of the anchovies and olives start to weirdly compliment the cough syrup and blend with the liver and scampi-fries. Before you know it, you've a wonderful dish in front of you and you're wondering why no-one has tried cooking like this before. 
So, notice anything different about me in the last few days? No? It's not the hair...or the shoes...or the clothes. I've not had a tattoo...or a boob job...Give up? That's right, it's the colours! 
People say a lot of strange things when they're desperate. If the love of your life is standing by the front door, bags packed, a cold look in their eyes and a withering put-down on their lips, that's often when the inner poet is unleashed, and the very heavens are called into service as a malleable tool in your frantic attempts to stop your fragile emotional stability from smashing into tiny pieces on the floor. 
For all that she is a ferocious pop amazon, striding about in designer battle-dress with her four-girl harajuku army and generally freaking people out with her ability to look, sound and very probably smell over the top, Lil' Gwennie is clearly something of a softy. Oh sure, she doesn't like to show it - softies are often the people who shout the loudest about how hard they are. Unfortunately this isn't ALWAYS true, so don't just go up to the hardest kid you know and offer them a flower and a friendly hug. Or at least if you DO, don't say it was my idea.
As members of a liberal democracy, we cherish our freedom to say whatever, however and whenever we like. But freedom of expression comes at a price, especially when it comes to music. Mark Ronson learned this lesson well when he received death threats from livid Morrissey fans after daring to cover The Smiths’ ‘Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This One Before’ – tampering with the Smiths being the closest you can come to treason in certain parts of the country. 
Apparently there's ain't no party like a party going in Orson's house. Which, if it's true, is going to leave the former member of S Club 7 feeling pretty fed up, seeing as up until now there ain't been no party like an S Club party. Now, upsetting S Club 7 might not be the most dangerous thing you could ever do, particularly weedy Jon, but it's a shame that the party that Orson is having has no room for "Tina doing her thing" or "Jo, she's got the flow". That would be like party-squared, or summink.
They call it 'progress', and it used to be the bare minimum of what was expected of a rock band. You get together, get your sound together, find your audience, tour, record, tour, promote, get the hits, and then EVOLVE into something newer and 
There is, as the old saying goes, no accounting for taste. And leaving aside the fact that there is also no office manager for sight or human resources department for smell, this is a very useful expression to bear in mind when attempting to make an assessment of the musical merits of Mr Mika. 
Aww I LOVE it when rappers do that 'State of the Nation' thing. Y'know, when they use their rap reportage skills (don't say 'raportage', it's beneath you) to define just exactly where things are at with the great state of Hip Hop. And seeing as the rapper's most prized superpower is the ability to see through bullcack and describe reality as it really is, these rap reports (again, a pun is not necessary here) tend to be pretty damning - like Nas with his cheery 'Hip Hop Is Dead'....
Or "F*** IT, VALERIE", as this particular song was venomously introduced when Amy Winehouse played it at the Eden Project over the summer. Back then she was a bit lost, and bit frazzled, somewhat tetchy and incredibly keen to finish the concert so that she could get this glaring, staring audience out of her itchy face. 
Alyson Renae (aka Aly) and Amanda Joy (aka AJ) Michalka have sold hundreds of thousands of copies of their first album, played to massive crowds, had interviews in big magazines and their music's been used in films and TV series. You've probably never heard of them. Nothing of their music's been released in the UK until the last few months, when first album 'Into The Rush' snuck its way into stores and now, when their first proper UK single gets a release. 
Apparently the debut Hoosiers album is going to be out in a couple of weeks, and frankly, I'm a little concerned. So far we, the general pop public, have enjoyed one ELO/10cc/Supertramp-style pop confection in 2/4 which contains batty harmonies, squeaky yelps, and a slight lyrical nod towards the world of science-fiction, fantasy and comics (Ray Harryhausen, in this case), and now here's a Supertramp/ELO/10cc-style pop confection in 2/4 which contains batty harmonies, squeaky yelps and a slight lyrical nod towards the world of science-fiction, fantasy and comics (Mr A was a character by comic artist Steve Ditko, who designed Spider-Man, among other things). 
During a discussion of this song with Steve ChartBlog, it took me TEN MINUTES to remember the name of the song Delta has stolen the chorus out of, in order to make this maturepop masterpiece. I knew it straight away, it's one of Beyonce's best moments, and it's the one where she sings about someone moving out of her house by putting all of their belongings "to the left, to the left". But for the life of me I couldn't remember the title. 
NOTE TO SELF: Must try hard not to be influenced by the acres of 'buzz-press' surrounding this band. It only makes you grumpy, and you end up looking for flaws rather than attempting to see the same things that the people who are claiming the band to be God's answer to suffering on earth can see. And especially don't be put off by the name. Sure, you won't be able to order the song in a shop without blushing, but that's not the be all and end all of musical enjoyment, right? 