More jokes please...
Having scanned the blog briefly I am very heartened to see that it is the place for jokes and anecdotes that we'll never be able to read out on air, so please do keep them coming.
It makes for a more amusing day here at BH towers and it means that I dont have to endlessly repeat the only anecdote iIknow, which is taken from my days at GLR. For the last time here it is ...
GLR was the mothership of radio talent - Tommy Vance, Danny Baker, Jonny Walker, Emma Freud, Chris Evans, Gideon Coe, Matthew Bannister, Charlie Gillet...etc etc. There were many parties, none of which I ever attended. But at one of them two ascendant stars (obviousy none of the above) were locked in the bathroom together in what I shall call politely - a 'clutch of love'. Someone knocked on the door to say that there was a taxi waiting outside for the lady, to take her to Croydon. At which point the gentleman replied 'She doesnt need to go to Croydon -I'm busy taking her to heaven'.
Radio presenters, eh? Hilarious bunch.
You see what I mean? If you want better stories then go to Eddie Mair's blog.
How towns got named No. 1:
Complain about this post"I think we sould bury St. Edmunds and move on..."
Why was Macmerry?
Because he saw Aberlady.
(Only works if you you come from East Lothian and are less than seven years old.)
Complain about this postThe stuff in the fridge defrosts when the room gets too cold, 'cos the heat exchanger does n't have to work hard enough for the ice box or something, how do you keep food frozen in the antarctic? Thanks.
Complain about this posthi fi
re the atmosphereologist currently on saturday live:
if a floating object displaces its own weight of water, why will the ice-cap melting increase the sea level so much (although sea water and ice water don't quite have the same density).
rob
Complain about this postDear Fi
I think you once interviewed me for a World Service radio programme about Artificial Intelligence. Or was it someone else?
Anyhow, having heard you do sensible things on radio I was amazed to find you falling into the foul hands of a ´óÏó´«Ã½ producer who thinks that news items and programme announcements all have to be accompanied by jingles, swishes, bangs, music or whatever. Why can't they just let you say what your programme is about without making it difficult to hear what you are saying?
I bet none of them knows about the research showing that with increasing age (from which even producers will one day suffer) tends to bring deterioration in the mechanisms that are required for the delicate neural task of discriminating speech from background noise. Hearing aids (which I use now) can't deal with this because all they do is amplify the signals, not decode them. In fact they make things worse, so I have to take mine off when talking to anyone in a crowded room.
My wife and I have been noticing this effect of background noise or music on speech increasingly over the years (we are about to turn 70, though it can even effect some youngsters in their 50s).
The fact that the ´óÏó´«Ã½ (especially ´óÏó´«Ã½ News and Radio 5) and other broadcasters persistently ignore protests about this may have to be dealt with by anti-ageist legislation if they don't pay attention soon.
By the way, your turn will come one day, though not for some years. But perhaps in the mean time you can try to educate your colleagues out of their patronising and totally unnecessary habit of knob-twiddling while you record something (which my more cynical colleagues blame on degrees in media studies producing technicians rather than communicators).
Yours in hope.
Aaron
Complain about this postI suspect backphones will work with a turban. They go round the neck rather than over the head. I bought a pair a few days ago over the internet for 99p and yesterday they worked extremely well in a skype test for a radio interview. The price is unbelievable.
I haven't heard the whole programme but there are two straightforward answers:
Complain about this post
Hi Fi,
My (revised) question for Dr Rhian Salmon:
Isn't the key point about changes in climate not that they are always happening but what one believes are the underlying causes; and to what extent those causes are naturally or humanly driven?
To Aaron:
Is it possible that the type of psychoacoustic models used in MP2/MP3/AAC codecs (to maximise "quality" for a given bit rate) could be re-worked (possibly using novel AI techniques) to help keep (possibly user-defined) "background noise" in the background for digital hearing-aid users?
Meanwhile the ´óÏó´«Ã½ could do more!
Cheers,
Andrew
Complain about this postRe Rufus's post about fridge-freezers, you can get ones where the freezer is controlled separately rather than relying on the room being warmer than the fridge part. I know someone who had to replace his with one like that because he had exactly the problem you described – his kitchen dropped to below 4 degrees C in the winter(!) and the freezer stopped working.
Complain about this postSo often we hear about how the melting Artic ice cap will raise sea levels and Radio 4 listeners are aware that this itself will not raise sea levels. The smart money is buying real estate in Greenland, where yes, melting glaciers will increase sea level.
Complain about this postHardeep Singh Kholi.............why!?
Complain about this postGreat Blog and Jokes.
Complain about this postIt was good this Saturday. Reminded me of the first Home Truths.
Complain about this postRegarding message 5: I wrote:
"I think you once interviewed me for a World Service radio programme about Artificial Intelligence."
Apologies. It was someone else. I've just checked my records. The programme was Sound Bytes, nine years ago.
Complain about this postSorry
Aaron
Oh no - i thought we had had enough with the wise-craking torture of Broadcasting House (both now and especially when Fi Glover was there) now we have another smart-arse news-magazine/programme championed by the smug Ms Glover, that uncomfortably sneers at the world (albeit in a topical way) in a most sickly metropolitan manner.
Sharp incisive satire is wonderful when done well but glib know-it-all remarks are best left for the chattering media-types of Islington to exchange between themselves at dinner parties in their modernised regency terraces, not on Radio 4.
It is obvious Glover thinks she and her mates are all ever so witty and intelligent but I am afraid it all actually comes across as awkward and annoying.
Please can we find some sharper intelligent ways of looking at the world on Radio 4 rather than this self-satisfied viewpoint heard on Saturday Live as well as Broadcasting House.
I'm sorry I sound like an old fart but I am not (well 37 is not that ancient), honest - I just want my Radio 4 to be challenging, thought-provoking and informative not an insight into the cynism of a group of over-paid and over-praised broadcasters who still hanker for the days when they were once thought of as witty and incisive in the student Union bars of the LSE, East Anglia Uni or such-like.
I just worry for the quality of my beloved Radio 4 as it dumbs down so rapidly and dread that it will turn into another Radio 5Live. Please don't saturate us with this kind of drivel anymore.
Yours in despair,
R.Lloyd
Complain about this postSmug? Sneering? Glib? Wow Rhos, who rattled your cage? I think the Radio 4 that you would like sounds rather too austere for most of us, and think your personal attack on Fi here, in what is at least nominally her blog, both excessively rude and without justification. I enjoy Fi's wit, which does not preclude her from also being at times thoughtful and compassionate.
The programme itself is still at an early stage so it is unreasonable to expect everything in it to work, but I think it is coming along nicely, (and in fact I quite enjoy the rough edges), so I will continue listening.
Bravo Fi, it's good to have you back!
Complain about this postI cant see anyone being sad when this lot go off the air. I used to look forward to Saturday mornings from 9am now I prefer to 'listen again' to other programs on the ´óÏó´«Ã½ website rather than this self satisfied whittering. Can this program get much more boring? Unfortunately I think the answer is 'Yes'. At least Home Truths had 'real' people and stories and a bit of fun thrown in.
Complain about this postHere's the deal..I'm so confused and I don't know what the hell is going on...Rumsfeld..here's a winner..is now being accused of being unethical...and wrong. News flash..most all of us paying any attention at all..have known this for years. I don't get it. Hope your show is a success....
Complain about this postHi,
Answer for Rufus: "... how do you keep food frozen in the antarctic?" -- you leave it outside, of course! No need for a freezer when you live in one. And of course New Zealand is covered in ice because the lamb is always frozen when it gets here...
JNW
Complain about this postSmug? I don't think so. I only hear dry humour. Smug is in the ear of the beholder. Or something. Excellent first show. More please.
Complain about this postAnecdotes you say?
I realise it is impossibly poor form to recount the anecdotes of others as though your own, and so I should make it clear that this entirely true story is one in which I had no involvement.
Ealier this year, a prominent Manchester-based QC was appearing in the Birmingham Crown Court defending a man on a murder charge. We'll call this barrister Mr Smith, which is not of course his real name. On the first day of trial, the silk spent a good part of the morning inthe cells under the court, trying to convince his client of the merits of entering a guilty plea, but to no avail.
Some while later, the court convenes to begin the trial proper. Just before the judge asks for the jury to be empanelled, the defendant in the dock chirps up, and the following exchange took place.
Defendant: Your Honour, I need to speak to you.
Judge: You have retained the services of one of the keenest legal minds currently practicing criminal law. I would wager that he could put your point far more persuasively than could you, and that is his job. I would strongly urge that anything you have to say to me comes through your barrister.
Defendant: But its about what he just said to me.
Judge [having to take notice of this]: And what did your barrister say to you.
Defendant: He called me a stupid ***t.
Judge [to barrister]: Mr Smith, is this true?
Smith, QC [rising deferentially to his feet]: On the contrary your Honour, I told him NOT to be a stupid ***t.
Complain about this postI so agree with Rhos Lloyd.
In addition:
The thing that really gets me about the latest style of these programmes – BH, SL and to a certain extent, PM – is that you can see the production meeting as the programme progresses. People sitting round putting together the content of the next programme, not saying 'I've got something really interesting and informative to broadcast', but 'how the h*ll do we fill this next ten minutes?'. You can hear it in the almost constant time checks on these programmes. And how can anyone have confidence in a programme when the first thing that's said is 'Good morning. It's 2 minutes past 9.'?
I just heard the trailer for this morning's Radio Live. I was sad, because I know I'll have to turn my radio off.
And another thing: blog, photos, 'live'. Why not go the whole hog and give Fi Glover a nice Saturday evening chat show on the telly?
Complain about this postYes, W S Churchil had a fantastic wit: I still chuckle at the one he did awhen told: "Mr Churchill, you're drunk!" His reply was: "Yes, madam, you're ugly but in the morning I will be sober!" I believe it was Bessie Braddock to whom he was speaking.
Bill
Complain about this postWhite House Aide: "Mr President, bad news I'm afraid - coalition forces in Iraq have just lost six Brazilian troops."
George W. Bush: "Oh noooooo! That's appalling. Well, I guess that's it for my presidency now, I'll never survive this kinda news ... But, hey, just remind me - exactly how many is six brazilian ... ?!"
Complain about this postPity about htat poor chap who drowned in his bowl of muesli, wasn't it? Apprently he was dragged under by a strong currant.
Complain about this postHurray. More Fi Glover and no more Home Truths. Now I don't need to turn off the radio at 9am on a Saturday morning. Keep me chuckling please.
Complain about this postTrue story. At a recent celebration of a 40th wedding anniversary, when the husband stood up to thank everyone for coming to celebrate his having chosen to marry (nameless) 40 years ago, his mother's voice rose from the audience declaring that it had been the worst decision of his life. Total silence followed as mother cooly continued to sip her wine!
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